Transcript

Most Replayed Moment: Matthew McConaughey - The Comfort Crisis Is Destroying Your Potential!

0:00 Uh Do you remember these? You wrote this roughly around the same time in ninety two, roughly actually when I was born, funnily enough, I saw the date on the top and thought oh it's a few days off after my birthday. And again you put Fatherhead number one, but there's a

0:18 A series of other things on this list of your ten goals in life. Yeah. Which you wrote in nineteen ninety two. As you reflect on those goals, do you wish you hadn't written any of them and Is there anything else you wish you had written? No, that that that I wouldn't change a thing about it.

0:33 Ten goals in life, become a father, find and keep a woman for me, keep my relationship with God. Chase my best self, be an egotistical utilitarian. Take more risks, stay close to mum and family, win an Oscar for Best Actor. Look back and enjoy the view. Just keep living. I don't know what I'd add to that.

0:53 You talk you've talked a few times about it's this idea of like you needing resistance. Yeah. You've said it two or three times. And going back to What it is to be a man. And what it is to be a Well orientated stable man.

1:07 Needing resistance. Is that a goal to aim for? Is that I I think it's just a necessary necessity. Four. Having more than just

1:22 An individual. Life. the top of the high rise. with money. If that's if you're successful, do that. I mean,

1:32 I'm supposing that it's whether it's different words, your friend went to Christianity for this for a very similar reason. Yeah. Certain amount of guilt's very healthy. It helps us.

1:46 Keeps us its boundaries. Without any shame? Without any embarrassment, without any guilt. Tell me it's all just four dimensional? Where's the form? Where's the art where's the art? It's

1:59 Four dimensional it has no form, you gotta have gravity to have form. You gotta have some resistance To have some form. You gotta push off of something to go somewhere. You gotta be

2:11 It's very hard when you're just floating and no gravity and no resistance to actually pursue a North Star. You have no leverage. Mm-hmm. Floating. Where's the art? Probably more anarchy than art. Resistance gives

2:28 Four. Heard great artists say this. Limitations. Reveal style. Mm.

2:43 Resistors. Something to go. Or else. It's like in green lights. If life's just nothing but green lights. If you got no yellows and reds, no reasons to pause or crises that stop you. Resistance?

2:57 This what are you just gonna go in circles? Do you run out of gas? Get dizzy? I don't see that how do we evolve? Or Devolve. Without resistance. Now

3:11 Picking the right resistance. It's is an art in itself. It's challenging. I've been clumsy with it my life. When especially when I got famous and got success. Mm-hmm.

3:24 Enough people telling me I love you and the caviar and the champagne I was like Shit. Why me? I don't deserve any of this. What I did I'd I fuck things up on purpose just to sh say like I'd I'd trip myself running downhill so I could bloody my own nose and go, Ah, now I can feel. Okay, okay, now my heels are on the ground. I need clumsy.

3:47 So I don't think we need the counter resistance that we create that. Can harm us. Or get in our way for getting in our way. Say,'cause I've come to learn, and I think we all are, no, when things are going really well Resistance is gonna come.

4:02 If you stay if you stay with if you're a if you have any ambition Resistance is gonna come. We often see resistance as a form of failure. And something that we should endeavor to avoid. You think about the avoidance of like people building families or even Yeah.

4:18 You know. many people consider that we're living in a bit of a comfort crisis. This is slightly a different sort of analogy, but Most of the diseases that we have today, whether they're diseases of I don't know The mind, like you know, people feeling lonely and isolated, all physical diseases, eighty percent of Americans getting back pain, but no one in the Hadza tribe in Africa getting back pain. They're all a consequence of us continually choosing comfort. Yeah. Which is a short term friend but long term enemy.

4:42 And the resistance I think is um It's something increasingly we can choose. Opt out of. It's a choice, too. I mean can I do a point that's on this subject?

4:54 It's called tips included. Based on participation trophies. uh um entitlement. How too much of something.

5:04 Can be just as harmful. Is not enough. Uh. How we all need good fortune, good fate. In charity sometimes, but

5:12 We shouldn't rely on that. Okay. Tips included.

5:18 When extra credits included. Credit doesn't get his due. When more gives us less. The exchange rate's gone askew. When amnesty is offered.

5:28 Going into the crime. We're more bound to commit it. 'Cause there's no fine. We start playing to tie. Instead of going for the win.

5:38 When participation is the trophy for every cow in the pen. If I stay on the porch because you picked up the slack. When you look over your shoulder, I I can't have your back. If there is no curfew, we're gonna stay out all night. No tab at our bar, we're gonna get drunk and start a fight.

5:56 All these long lenses got us losing our sight. You keep lifting it from me, I'm gonna lose all my might. Mm. When a four star duty So it's a six star rate.

6:08 We take our hands off the wheel. And rely on faith. Eating all we can at the all we can eat buffet gives us a three point eight education. And a four point two GPA. We steal from ourselves and get away with the scam.

6:24 What's the measure of merit? With less give a damn. Hm these unlimited options. Sure had me confused. While all the conveniences are keeping me properly live.

6:36 In this red light district. with the whore of inflation. The RLI's math don't pay for vacation. So let's just admit it. This extra credit's quite a fluffer.

6:49 When the tip's included. Service. We'll suffer. That's so good.

6:56 But it's about that. The conveniences, the long lenses, everything's like Oh, and and we we've outconvenced ourselves. What's AI gonna do to us? Talk about convenience. How much and I wanna keep hearing studies, I wonder if you have an opinion on this.

7:12 How much? Of you coming up with an idea. And then writing and rewriting it. Thinking about it. No, no, no, no, that's not our ex order. Oh no, this is what I really mean and how to get done. How much of that is really valuable? To get it beyond just an intellectual idea.

7:28 More valuable than just going. Ah, there it is. Because what comes out of it? Incredibly impressive. A hunch is that yeah, we can use it for like Um

7:42 Signpost. to help us. Oh that's good org oh help but thank you for helping me organize. But there's a value to us going through the sweat equity of learning something. How you how do you feel about it? I mean ex exactly what you've said, but the the studies have just that they've just come out using different things like ChatGPT have actually proven what you've just said to be true. That when people use AI to produce a piece of work. Not only can't they recall

8:07 But they also start speaking in language more like The AI so they'd start to lose their own voice. But I mean yeah, I mean for f f through history. people like Richard Fryman, the physicist, has said the best way to learn something

8:21 is to learn it and then sort of go through the pain of writing it, condensing it down to a simple truth like you do so often in your new book, Poems and Prayers. And then sharing it with the world. And then getting the feedback and if if the world understood it like you meant it, like that poem you just shared, you you you understand it. That's evidence that you get it. Right. So I think AI is gonna be great for me. saying something to you, but not learning something myself. And I think if you know if you want to defend creativity and innovation and the ability to think.

8:50 you actually have a huge opportunity, which is to go left when everyone's going right. Right. And it goes to what you were saying now, you were talking about be careful when you Mess with incentives. Like be careful when you choose

9:03 Be easier, right? Be careful of the unintended consequences. And AI is a prime example of an unintended consequence of you taking the easier road today. Yeah. And you know, I just actually made a video about this, funnily enough, just just warning my audience about When something appe appears to be like a short term friend, it's usually a long term enemy.

9:22 Mm. Like when you know the when you choose easy today you choose hard tomorrow. And There's always a trade off. Right. You think if you choose hard today? Usually get easy tomorrow. I mean there's a there's obviously a ton of nuance to this, but um

9:47 In many contexts, yes. So for example my think of I was thinking of my father, my father would never have He would avoid conflict at all costs. He would avoid the difficult conversation. And

9:58 When I zoom out over the the decades of his life and marriage, I go, Man, that costs you big time. You caught up with him. Oh my God. And me inverting that in my own life and continually just confronting it head on has had the complete opposite effect. You never You know like when you were talking about

10:17 being a young man and making that decision because you had that voice in your head saying, Law might not be my thing, and you made that phone call to your father. Yeah. Like what y what I hear you did is like you Realigned yourself to you. Now if you hadn't made that call. And you'd let a couple more of those bad habits, you would have got to forty and been like, Who the fuck is this guy? What is this life? You would have looked around and said, Who is she? Who are they? Right. What is this job? Right.

10:40 And that's that course correction. I think It requires you to do the s the slightly harder thing today. What do you think? I agree with you. That's the uh that's

10:50 The resistance. Do you choose in, you know? No. I still gotta learn how to take a vacation. Because

11:00 You know. We th there's some times when The winds at our back. And we've earned it. Mm-hmm.

11:08 For some times when it's easy to street and it's like Yeah. Don't interrupt this, man. This is a sweet ass song. Trust that the hill's coming.

11:19 Again. Don't be so impressed with this. And don't Well I have to do it so fall into when things are going really well, I go, Ah, there it is. That's the mean No it's not.

11:34 Not with any ambition, it's not. Or not with Life happening, it's not. But my hunch, I want to see what you think about this theory is Yeah, you shoot for an A.

11:49 Make a C rather better than shooting for a C and Make it an ass. Now. So go for perfection. Reality.

12:00 always comes in. Under it But in that moment when you see the inevitable reality, the outcome, the result. How quickly can we go? Okay, but

12:15 I got so much more out of it. job, the person, myself, because I went perfect for perfection. Than if I'd have just gone for nah dude, just I mean, you know. Just Best class.

12:31 It's again that little owners renters mentality. Mm-hmm. And but what can be hard for me sometimes is It takes can take me too long to True. to come down from when, oh, it didn't hit perfection.

12:43 And maybe it takes me a week to go, dude. Now do you finally realize that Course you aren't going to get perfection. But you got so much more out of it because you went for perfection. Yeah. So

12:55 Be pleased with reality because You gotta You got a good grade on it, man. That war that was that was good. That piece of art was Wouldn't have been that true. If you wouldn't have been

13:04 I don't like I say this all the time and I never mean this in a in a in a In a disrespectful way. I've never done a movie. Or a performance that lived up to what I Fine. 'Cause I'm thinking it can be divine.

13:21 The masses. Even have some. Magic to it, but Human.

13:32 It's divine. That's resist that's tension. Yeah, yeah. Unclosed gap. And I think I think that everything that's ever been built that's great or creatively brilliant has come from someone who has a big a big expectation gap. And of course the very definition of that, you're never gonna close it. And actually the probably the reason you then are motivated to move to the next thing and pursue divine again is because it wasn't divine last time. Maybe there's

13:59 Still something left on the table and that's Means you never arrive. Right. You talk about a ride a lot in the Poems and prose as well. I I also was reflecting on your mother's words where she

14:13 At a very young age to you. position life as a dichotomy of being humble, but like know that you're the shit. Yeah. And all those things you went through. And it's the same thing. It's like Strive for protect protection perfection, but also know that nothing will ever get there. And can you can you be okay with that dissonance? Right.

14:31 That And there's a moment. And it's I think it's where the one of the arts of living is. If you if you are gonna prescribe to go shoot for Perfection. There's that moment when reality comes in, when you had to declare. And the cards speak for themselves.

14:45 And it's under. But you because you oversaw it. There I got caught overseas. Казю Оверсі.

14:55 Expect. The best this this divinity out of people and and art and of yourself. And then it always comes in under How quickly can you go, ah? Nice reality. Can I ask you a question about that then? If you had aimed for something to be perfect. And then it delivered itself as perfect. Exactly how you would

15:14 Imagined if if at all possible. Would that have made you happy? No. Yeah, right. Um What have made you scared? Both probably.

15:28 Because Look, I've had moments Let me let me let me tell you one. Uh In in in Africa. I'm in Mali, Africa.

15:41 Dog on country. Me and my guide who's a buddy now, Issa, we're hiking from village to village in the Banjagara. Each village is ten to fifteen miles away. I went over there. Needing my anonymity under the name of David. I said I was a writer and a boxer.

15:56 Well they call me Dowda. Anyway. I uh um They didn't give a damn about the writing part, but they were very interested in the wrestling part. So each village I would go to is try to catch up to me, that strong white man named Doda.

16:08 You want to and they love to wrestle over there. They love to wrestle it's kind of a form of entertainment. The boys just Village One Night Bingama too. And uh I'm laying there at fourteen mile height to get there. I'm laying on the ground stretching the

16:23 villages all kinda come up around and they're talking and chattering and all of a sudden I hear this chatter and sort of at me. I can just hear it. And I look up and it's these two boys that are about eighteen and they're boom boom boom popping at me. And I can be like and I know enough in the tone. I don't know what they're saying'cause they're speaking in Bombada. I'm like, are they talking Say it to me? And he goes, Yes. He goes. They uh uh

16:47 They are the wrestlers of the village. They say they are the best wrestlers of the village and they are challenging You arresting my Oh, they are like Well, they sure are talking a lot. I go I don't know if they mean it. Y'all have this thing over here? We have a thing in America where if someone talks too much, they really don't mean it. He goes, Yes, we have this. We have this And just as that happens, you hear the crowd. I scream and I look up and the two boys bam run off.

17:13 Why? Because the real champion wrestler of the village, Michelle. Five foot nine tree trunk legs about two twenty. burlap bag wrapped with a rope around his waist.

17:27 He showed up. He doesn't say a word. He just stands over me, points to me, points to himself, and points over here. I look over where he's point and there's a big dirt pit. My heart starts racing.

17:41 There's the challenge. As my heart's beating going, Oh no. I start to get up. Because I was this ear saying oh no, I'm hearing in this or ear if you don't

17:52 You will regret this for the rest of your life. You've gotta go do it. This will at least be a great story to tell. So I get up. Village goes crazy. Oh about eighty people have gathered now. The chief comes out, I'm standing in the middle of the pit going, I'm not sure how this is supposed to go, what are the rules?

18:08 She puts his hands on her head. Michelle grabs me by the waist. Mimics me, I grab him by the waist, then he burns his forehead down into my Clavicle here. I burrow mine into his. So now we're like two bulls like this. And the chief

18:20 puts his hands on our head and then raises them and goes, Stop! And the crowd goes wild. Ding ding is what Dot men. So we start going around, man, and I'm thinking, Okay, I get some leverage on this guy's legs are like tree chunks. I'm like, Oh, I ain't getting him down low

18:38 Scrap and grap and boom I get him over, bam, flip him on his back, he flips me back over. I backflip him off my back at Somersault and he comes in, gets me in a frickin' leg lock that I can barely breathe from, almost got a tap out from I shimmy that thing all of a sudden she comes in separates us. I'm hyperventilating, man. Crowd's going crazy.

18:58 He's gotta split Michelle on this side, me on this side. Uh these talismans that were in my beard, they got two of them got torn out. During the rest of the match, I got blood running down me here, my knees are bleeding, my ankles are bleeding, I'm hyperventilated and covered in sweet. I look over at Michelle. He's just staring at me going.

19:19 Barely a glisten on him. And that's when the chief goes, No. And I go. Oh shit. Here we go. Boom, boom, boom. Grabs my waist, bop, bop, burrows his head. I burrow my head. We're off.

19:30 Goes around again. Pretty damn good match. Strong, I flipped him me, pinned me, I we got up, got moving, all of a sudden Chief comes in, separates us. raises both our hands. The crowd goes crazy. As soon as he loves our hands, Michelle runs off.

19:46 Everyone sees him go and they come in and grab me and put them me on the shoulders. Dow duh. Gao. Dowda. I go over now I'm a big man. In the village.

19:58 Which means they give me the best chair that has the least Broken sort of you know, uh uh um straw on the seed, which means the village boy finds me the biggest chicken and plucks it and they cook it for dinner for me, which means they take me to the cleanest spot in the river. I come back that night, we eat, I get on the roof of the hut.

20:16 What a magical day. I lay back. See that. Southern Cross for the first time in the sky. Like it was a neon light on a black backdrop. It was you could not see it. It was so bright, stare me right in the face.

20:33 I laid there. Thirty minutes, twenty-nine shooting stars. Gone. I might have a direct line. I might be the judge.

20:47 Wow. Just as I'm about to shut my eyes, I Hello. My throat. Yeah.

20:56 Sit up. Uh. Gotta spit out over the Off into the off the top of the roof.

21:04 Louie plastered to my face. I forgot I had put my mosquito net on. And I was like, oh perfect. Just when I was thinking, I might have the direct line. I just spit a loogie in my own face. And there became the humor. Now, to finish off that story the next morning When I left the village. Remember Michelle who ran away?

21:34 Mm-hmm. I got to the edge of the village, about to make the fourteen mile walk to the next village. And there behind the first tree. Passed off the property. Pop that Michelle.

21:44 Not a word. Looked at me, bowed, grabbed my hand. He walked me the fourteen miles to the next village. Got to the village border, the next tribe. Out and walked home.

21:56 I went back. Unannounced. Six years later. Did the same trip. Right into the same people, the kids had grown six years older, everybody. We get to Binji Matu.

22:06 There's Michelle. He's had five kids. And he broke his hip. So he's got a limp. Right.

22:15 So we all agree not another wrestling match. We have a great dinner that night, we talk, we tell stories. They're speaking Bombada, I'm speaking English, but we're just understanding each other's sort of charage now. Get up the next morning. Gonna leave?

22:32 On the same tree. Oh, Pop's Michelle. Bounce. Reaches out his hand. Holds my hand and fourteen miles.

22:44 To the next village. Uh. Um Turn around. I ask.

22:57 He said back then the first time in ninety nine, after that night when I Wrestled. Michelle and he walked me the first time and I got there. I was like, What tell me about la what happened last night? I do alright, he goes, Oh no, no, no, no, no. You do very well.

23:11 When you accept the challenge. That is when you were big men. In district. It was not about the win or the lose.

23:22 You accept the challenge. And then you Wrestle Michelle. Who's not only champion of this village, but of this village and tree village back? And you handle Michelle. Handled was the word.

23:34 And one wonder's handle. No. You come back. We make money.

23:42 Ha ha Yeah. Yeah. That's what he told me then and I went back six years later and had that experience and That expires

23:53 With Michelle, the respect we had if we took it. Broken it up at all the fourteen miles to the next village. You accept the challenge. Yeah. Accept the challenge.

24:05 That is when you were a big man. In this village. 'Cause I was like It put me on the shoulders, man. What was it? Oh You are big men when you accept the challenge. He said whole village think.

24:16 Michelle going to have strong white man named Dowda. On back in ten seconds. Over. But you handle Michelle. Not win or lose. Handled. But you were big man when you accepted challenge.

24:31 Beautiful. And then he's there six years later? I think your question was on You know, when we

24:43 When we know or how confident when we're Feeling like we're on the right. Pah. Which that was a time when I thought I was so much out.

24:53 Think that might be the you know, Logie in my face. To me was God going You're doing good, but Not that good, but What you just listened to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode. If you want to listen to that full episode, I've linked it down below. Check the description. Thank you. Uh