Most Replayed Moment: Why Does Commitment Feel So Scary? How to Build a Strong, Lasting Relationship

Transcript from https://podmenti.com/t/117c6cff0387e960

Uh
about the history of relationships, I often wonder how many of the rules of relationships that we've been handed by society
Uh now
Invalid or maybe were never valid.
So you know, we have these sort of constructs of like marriage and monogamy and
Um
even like heterosexuality, all these things that have been passed to us through religion and through history.
I was looking at some stats about marriage and it says that in two thousand and nineteen marriage rates for
Opposite sex couples fell to their lowest on record since eighteen sixty two.
That's in the UK and in the US marriage rates have been declining since the early
nineteen seventies. I I'm not married.
But I
spend a lot of time thinking about whether I should be or not.
I actually had a conversation recently with my partner where I said, Do you want to get married?
And it was
abundantly clear that she does want to get married. But then I asked why
And really
It seems like it was really just more for the wedding than
Then for
some kind of legal contract that we sign with the government.
So I'm I'm
I'm I'm really wondering, based on everything we know about history and the trade offs of marriage.
Should
I be getting married.
Yes, because your partner wants to.

Um
I think
The institution
Of marriage.
what you're going to see. This is my my my prediction is is that
Because
Nuclear families.
What do you mean by nuclear family?
So having um
Well it's interesting. There's there's different perspectives now on on nuclear family, but I look at it as you have
Two
Partners.
Yeah.
And children.
And that
creates the nuclear family.
that becomes an economic unit.
Which?
drives a society.
And as that has disappeared.
There's been less of a base.
to drive society.
Hm.
Many researchers.
So as a result, what I believe is going to happen as we see right now in Singapore, as we see right now in China, as we see right now in Japan, you're going to see government
Heavily involved.
in incentivizing
Marriage.
And marriage is already incentivized right now.
In terms of
uh you know, tax benefits.
uh being able to um
Um you know
Leave assets.
to your partner, leave assets to family members.
So
As a result of the decrease
of marriage and decrease of of nuclear families, you will see government step up even more.
to incentivise.
So you're going to see
All types of benefits.

Add.
people to to to to get to get married. You know, especially as you s not only see
marriage rates decline, but as you also see birth rates
declining.
As they as they are.
Now.
Your question around what what what should you do is that
Um
This is
A question around values.
And this is a question.
that I believe is very important to have early on.
No, I was saying.
You know, when you meet someone
You should lay out exactly what you want.
This is a a very important question to have.
early, early on.
Now, in terms of where you where you are with your partner, I would say that
If she is
for if she's pro this.
And you were
Indifferent.
Sounds like it feels like you're indifferent, not anti, but indifferent.
Yeah, I think I'm I'm somewhat agnostic. Um
to it. However
I can call out
A bunch of downsides to getting married. Really? Like
Uh
Well, again, I don't know because I'm not married, so all the married people are like screaming at me right now. I'm I know this because they DM me. They've been DMing me for many, many years since I started the Diver CO,'cause in some of those early episodes I was really like
Not I was really quite against it, but um over time I've kind of developed my thinking here.
I just wonder. I can't understand the first principles as to why having a
Like government or
religious contract with somebody
is going to increase the probability of success in
The union of love.
Um, there's obviously the issue with the preenup situation. I actually don't have this concern with my my partner. So I think she's
Um you've I think you've met her, but you've met her, yeah. Oh yeah. Uh from a distance. Yes, from a distance. Yeah, I I d I don't have a concern that she's gonna
try and bankrupt me or that I might try and bankrupt her?
Mm. Um so that's not really a concern.
Um
The whole charade of like doing a massive wedding I think is a little bit weird. I think why can't we just have
Lots of events.
over the next fifty years where we bring our friends and family versus like one. I've also watched a couple of my friends at the moment who are getting married.

Two years of pain and heartache and like
Cancelling date night so that they can afford this one wedding day. Yeah. Feels like highly illogical to me. I've got one particular friend who
is having to cancel so much for like everyday joy.
To save up for this one big
event which is stressing them both out and I don't think they're gonna have
Well, I don't think he's gonna have a great time at the wedding anyway, because he seems so stressed by it all. I I just I I sometimes hear that people can't like get out of their marriage without having to like file a divorce.
Yes. Um thing with like
The
with lawyers and going to court and battling out in court. I just think
You should be free to leave if you want to leave.
I don't know, I just think I this is a terrible analogy and completely unrelated, but
Like in football.
Many of the problems we see with
my favorite club, Manchester United at the moment.
is we've got people on five year contracts who we just can't get rid of. And like they wanna go, we want them to go.
But'cause we signed these long contracts with them, it's like incredibly difficult. And you now these players are being like thrown in the back room
And they're not playing football and we're like just completely ignoring them because we can't get out the contract. Yes. So I don't know, I just think
Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. All right. Can we talk about this? Yes.
All right.
There are many
Secular.
Marriages.
So you don't have to do anything
religious
related.
And
It sounds like
a big difficulty that you have could could be the the number one.
Is the wedding.
Because
But the wedding to me
The premise of it is a public
Declaration of your love.
And to your point.
It could be as small as you want, it could be as big as you want, you could have as many as you want.
Right. That public declaration could happen fifty times over fifty years. It is up to you. So that is
You and your partner.
navigating that space.
With regard to
Getting out of it.
This is the
Single
Biggest change.
That we need.
Marriages.
Marriages?
In my opinion, should be much harder to get into.
You shouldn't be able like literally
You and your partner could go to Vegas.
Drive.
Up. So a drive through.
You could have
An Elvis Presley impersonator marry you.
You pay
Twive dollars.
And you're married.
It's ridiculous.
I think
That there needs to be
There needs to be hurdles.
In place.
There needs to be some type of vetting.
Some type of
pre marital coaching counseling so everyone is aware
Of the commitment.
that is about to be made.
And you have the tools, you have skills around conflict management, et cetera.
Needs to be hard.
But then
If you want out
You should be able to get out in an hour.
It should be easy.
Drive up Elvis Presley says it's over twenty five dollars.
Free. Yeah. Yeah. Free, right? That's the way it should be, but it is
The the the the the the reverse.
Now.
You're right.
Marriage is hard to get out of.
That's changing. There's now the introduction, especially in the UK, of the no fault.
Right.
But that still takes it still could take six months or so. There still is a lot of haggle.
So so I I agree with you there is that
It should be much.
Easier to get out.
But ultimately
What marriage is
Is marriage is a declaration.
Of commitment.
Done.
In a formal way.
Can you not do that without
The marriage. Like can you not do a
Declaration of commitment.
without having to go to like a church or whatever else and sign documents and stuff.
I don't know, is it not possible? I it is.
You know it is it is. So
I think I just have commitment issues. I think that's probably what it is.
Yeah.
I think that's at the core of it. Cause you know what's so interesting to me is that you're all already going to, well, how do I get out of this?
Yeah. Right.
And it almost feels as if
There is
A
Fear.
Of committing.
To someone.
for the rest of your life. Yeah because that that's a massive I mean, think about this.
You're gonna commit to someone for the rest of your life.

And
What we feel because I've been there.
'Cause when I'm getting anxiety as you say it, I'm like fucking hell the rest of my life.
The rest of your life.
But think about this, the anxiety

Of what has not even come yet.
So that means that you can
That now interrogate your thoughts.
Okay.
You have fear.
Over what?
What's the fear?
But isn't it just a a terrible idea to
Commit to someone till death do you part because
Like imagine if I said to you, you gotta pick a job.
And then you gotta do it forever.
Yes. You would the amount of procrastination that would occur.
Because of the significance of that decision.
Would would basically stop you picking any job at all because you'd be like, I can't, I've gotta pick one and do it forever and you know, you'd be
You'd become a perfectionist.
every single job. And maybe this is in part the issue is that
Because we see marriage as being such a final thing.
The
We really have to make sure the pick is
Perfect. It's perfect.
I agree. This is one of the myths, right? This whole notion of till death.
Do us part.
Which really was handed to us.
In religion, if you look through Christianity
Hinduism, even a lot of the modern day
Islamic
marriage ceremonies, there's some formation of
you will be with this partner for the rest of your life. And I think what that does is it actually
sets us up for a lower level of satisfaction. It sets us up for complacency.
Oh, this is all we get?
Right.
Instead.
They can't leave me. So therefore I don't have to try as hard. I don't even have to talk to them now. Yeah. I don't have to get to the gym. No. I can just sit here like
So
Mm.
That is a myth though.
Because we know where where divorce rates are, separation rates are. We know that there are
You can get a divorce.
So you can get out. She can get out. We have to we have to put that to the side. But the key is
to think about when I was like interrogate the fears is
Well what's the upside?
What's the upside of having
A partner.
For life.
What what would you say? Upsides.
I mean I could a also name the upsides, I think, so
There's a certain
sense of stability and focus that comes w
When you know that
home is kinda locked down.
So as an entrepreneur in particular
I I'd advise anybody that's gonna pursue a big grueling, tumultuous, uncertain challenge like building a business.
To have a partner at home.
Um, and and I know Sir Alex Ferguson was big on this when he was selecting players for Manchester United, he would often inquire about whether they were in a relationship because if they had a stable home life, then they would be much more focused on the training ground. And I see that with myself. You need a stable base.
Um if you're single, I think as an entrepreneur, it can become an immense distraction.
An immense distraction because on one hand you're trying to build something over here and you're trying to build something over here.
I think
Marriage is useful as well because
When you know that it's hard to get out of, it means that
Exiting isn't the path of least resistance.
Which means that you'll you probably will go to therapy first and you probably will see if you can
Fix it and figure it out versus just throwing it away. Yes.
So it becomes less disposable. Yes. Which means that you're more likely to fight to fix the thing.
Um
And
What are the other upsides? Um
I mean the stats, right? So the stats around health and wealth all suggest that if you're in a
good, productive, healthy relationship. You're gonna earn more money. I think it's four percent more a year if in a productive uh
Marriage.
Both partners.
net earn four percent more year.
And according to Robert Waldinger, who came on the show, you're gonna live longer.
So I get it. And you'd be healthier.
You're gonna be healthier, yeah, yeah. Less less disease. Good one, Stephen.
I know. Do you know what it would? Do you know what it is? I'm not trying to throw the marriage out. I'm wondering if there's an alternative
What it is part of me as well, if you look at the way I've lived my life, I've always
tried to test the system. So school, like not going to school, dropping out of university.
Being an entrepreneur, there's always been a bit of a fuck you and me to the system and a real
pause in questioning what I'm being handed as the right answer to interrogate whether it's still valid now. Okay.
So like many of the answers I was given, you go to university, then you go get a job, and then you hand out your CV, all of these things
proved in my life to just be BS. There was a better way. So when I I'm approached with a conventional system like marriage, immediately I go
Hm.
Interrogate these things. And I would say
I'm with you.
Throw the system out.
think about just one thing and you s you you said this and there's research behind this it's the investment model.
Right, theory.
So
The more you invest.
In
The preparation.
of your partnership.
In the actual partnership, the more that you're investing time, resour all resources.
the higher satisfaction you have.
That's fact.
Right. That's that's that's research. That's in essence what you're saying.
Right.
That's the way that I would approach it.
is how can I
invest as much as I can in this partnership with this person that I love.
What is it that predicts a successful marriage?
In your view.
Well
Once again, w what is success? Is it
To to me.
Success is high satisfaction.
High satisfaction.
Is
has a strong correlation around well being.
Uh Dr Carol Rif, I think is the OG.
of well being she doesn't get enough credit.
She created a a model called the six dimensions of psychological well being.
And in essence
If we are
working to increase each one of these dimensions. So for example, one is having a vision of your life.
Like what is that vision that you have for life? And the question though is, do you feel like you are actively in pursuit?
of that vision. If you don't feel like you know what your vision is or you're not in pursuit of it, you're going to have lower well being, right? So the higher well being that you have individually
The higher satisfaction you have in your relationship.
The more successful your relationship is.
Like fundamental qualities.
That I should be looking for in a
Good partner.
Oh yeah. I mean there's a million. But the the the core the the core that I I like to write about is and I and I'll actually a
I'll I'll even uh synthesize it.
You want to have a partner.
Who is aware of their well being.
And who is it?
Focused on their well being.
This this is in this is incredibly important because
One of the most profound
re uh bits of research that I I feel like I include in the book.
Is that
Most of us believe.
That having alignment
In the values.
Of our partner.
Is the most successful or is the
High is the number one determinant.
Of having
A successful partnership.
We think it's about values. We're told it's about values. We're fed values, which by the way.
Goes back to you know where that goes back to?
Religion.
You know how?
Have you heard of?
You need to be equally yoked.
No.
Oh, you haven't heard this? No, no, no. You're not reading your Bibles, do you?
Don't expose me. All right. So
The Bible.

You have to have a partner. You have to find a partner who's equally
Yoked.
What does that really mean? Equally yoked comes from oxen.
Right. So two, you have uh one ox here, one ox here, they're tethered together, they're plowing the land.
If they're walking lockstep.
They can plow the land.
If you have one going off this way, one going off this way, you can't plow the land, you can't produce.
So the Bible says you need to have a partner who is equally yoked.
Pastors then interpreted that over the years to be what?
Values. You need to have a partner who shares your values, has the same religion, has the same accent. This is how we became regimented in class.
This happened century after century after century, right?
We get to today.
You ask anyone on the street.
We grabbed ten people, nine out of ten would say and and we said how important are values?
Nine out of ten would say values is everything.
What?
Values change.
They change.
I value things.
much differently today than I did 10 years ago. Our values change. They're not constant. We need to throw away values.
Are they important? Yes. Are they the most important?
No.
So therefore
Let's de-emphasize the focusing on finding someone who matches all of our values.
Instead.
Well being.
key. Are they focused on their well being. That's one.
Two, yeah, values is important. But you know what what what's what's what's equally, if not more?
Is you know what?
How open minded are they?
How how how how much do they lean in? How how curious are they?
And then a third is how resilient
Are they?
Because having a relationship with anyone
means tough times. So are they able to bounce back?
Or when things get tough, do they just lay on their back?
So if you have
partner who's resilient.
You've a partner who's open minded. You've a partner who's focused
And nurturing their well being.
You have a great partner. What about ambition? Does that matter?
I I think ambition is a value set.
Okay.
Okay.

Yeah, I just wondering'cause a lot of people would
Say that they want that in a partner, but
just by I mean like running the mental numbers, not everybody can be ambitious. And people that aren't necessarily hugely ambitious also find love and keep love. But when you ask someone what they're looking for, they'll tend to have a preference towards someone who's ambitious or goal oriented.
One of the things we talked about kind of in between the lines was
how society has changed. And one of the ongoing conversations in dating at the moment is around how
Women are struggling to find compatible men.
Because
Women are more educated. I think there's more women graduating with college degrees now.
The top ten percent of men seem to be having all of the sex, according to some studies that I read, a lot of the sex.
And then there's this bottom fifty percent of men that are somewhat disenfranchised because they
They're not getting the attention.
They're probably turning to things like pornography. Women are dating up and to the right, I'm told. So
Women I r did read a study that said
the majority of women are still looking for a man who's earning more than them.
But in a world of equality, which we all agree is a good thing, where women are more educated now.
There'sn't there isn't enough men up into the right anymore.
So there's this qu sort of
disparity between
you know, what women are looking for, but actually what's available in the market potentially. Mm-hmm.

These these are all facts.
However.
We have to

We have to interrogate.
the the this this this data. But more so I think we have to interrogate
the narrative that's being handed to us. So I feel like the the narrative that's being handed us today is that
You know what the top twenty percent of men or ten percent of men
They're good.
But the bottom eighty percent.
You suck.
That
couldn't be further from the truth.
And I think we have to acknowledge and this is where
Uh you know, two things could be true.
One
We live in a patriarchal society absolutely.
Absolutely.
But do we need to extend more grace?
To our men.
Absolutely.
We do.
Are men lonelier than they ever have been?
Absolutely.
Are men confused?
Absolutely.
Right.
Are men being misled?
Absolutely.
Let's extend more grace.
To our men.
What does that mean? That means being aware.
that we do live in a loneliness epidemic.
being aware that less than twenty seven percent of men have a friend that they can
feel is a confidant that zero percent of them now
feel like they have someone
who they can go to at three AM in the morning.
It's being aware of these things.
It is
Saying, You know what?
I
Um
Can appreciate
other traits and characteristics outside of how much you earn.
or how tall you are.
Right. These are it it's important to be able to understand.
And you just asked me, you said w w where the most I said nothing about
How much money someone makes, nothing about how tall they are.
Right.
But at the same time, what we have to understand is the narrative that is handed to
about women is that
All women.
Ar looking for the six foot plus.
CEO.
Right, who's making over a hundred thousand pounds or dollars a year.
And that is
Also not the case.
This study here says despite advancements in gender equality, research indicates that
Better educated women still.
tend to prefer husbands who earn more than th they do. That's from the Institute for Family Studies.
An analysis
of online dating behaviors across twenty four countries found that women are more selective than men, showing a marked preference for men.
Um with high incomes and education levels. Which which again proves this up and to the right thing.
But there's just not enough men up until the right, so there's gonna be a lot of women that are
Somewhat according to this. Alright, so the challenge if if I'm really interrogating this is one is it's talking about highly educated women.
So
We know that
highly educated women.
Or on on average dating hypergamously.
Right, which is what you're talking about up. So someone who's dating someone who has the same or higher level of education, the same or higher level of financial resources. And why is that? Because that's the script that society handed to women to say the only way you can survive.
Is by finding a man
Who can deliver this to you?
Right.
That's the and and I think we have to accept where it came from. It was this terrible society of
You know what? You're not going to be safe unless you find a man who can provide.
But you fast forward to t to today.
A large percentage of high
highly educated women are dating this way.
But that's not
All women.
The other part is, yes, are women beginning to out earn men and out educate men.
Absolutely.
In certain cities.
Not in
Every
Everywhere in the world, men on average still earn more income.
So so it so if you look at
at at at the the narrative that's handed to us.
You could say, Well, you know what?
Men on average still st still earn more. But my point is this. My point is that I think we all need to reevaluate
what it is that we want.
No longer
Do we need to have a partner?
For most of us.
Or should I say
This is me speaking out of privilege for many of us in the West.
No longer
Do we need to have a partner?
For pragmatic reasons.
If you think about
Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
And you just divided it into three categories.
You would say the bottom le the bottom kind of wrong.
Is
All of our psychological and фізика ніц.
Food.
Shelter.
Yeah.
Then that kind of middle rung is belonging and connection.
And the top rung
is self evolved, self you know, we wanna be you know, or you know
Well.
Self-evolved, living our best self.
contributing the most that we ever could to this world.
marriage and partnership and selecting a partner was largely based on that lower rung
All the way through to the nineteen sixties. That's like yesterday. If you think about how long we've lived. But isn't that evolution as well? Because you see the same thing in the animal kingdom with like the orangutan, which has like ninety eight percent same DNA as us.
They still s select for survival.
Factors.
Sh so I think what's interesting w when you look at
Uh different mammals.
And the
uh the the evolutionary biology.
is that there's lots of similarities.
But then there's also lots of
traits that are different.
You know, so it's it's one of those where we have to appreciate that as Homo sapiens.
We are unique.
And we live in a structure.
That we have largely created ourselves.
We're talking we're debating about the institution of marriage. I mean, marriage didn't exist for the vast majority of our existence. This golden rule thing, you told me about this. Yeah. And you told me that it's cross cultural.
Yes.
So so
It is.
And it's
Golden rule thing.
Please explain it for people. But for me that
is evidence that there's still an evolutionary component to selection.
for men and women. And I read was reading this study that said
Women um
Almost fifty percent of women prefer to date only men that are taller than themselves, while only thirteen percent of men prefer to date only women that are shorter than themselves. And another study revealed that women are most satisfied when their partner is approximately eight inches taller.
Whereas men are most satisfied with a height difference of about eight centimeters taller than their partner. So women clearly have a preference here, a significant amount of them, to dating a man that is bigger than they are.
Yes.
Yes. This is so good. All right.
Couple things here.
Do we have these preferences? Absolutely.

handed us through evolutionary.
And our biology?
Absolutely.
Is most of it.
handed to us through socialization.
Definitely.
Do we change as we increase our well being?
Yes.
So here's my point. If you were to go back and say Zendaya, look.
You go back.
Ten years.
Says in Dayload.
Would you prefer to date?
A man.
That is taller than you.
I would say there's a there's a good chance she would say I would prefer it.
Yes.
Has that been her result?
No.
Does she appear to be incredibly happy and satisfied?
Yes.
Right, with Tom Holland. That's from my opinion from from from my outside looking in.
Yes.
Why could that have been the case? Because she grew up being handed a script. She grew up the disnification of relationships. She saw the prince and how large the prince always was in comparison to the princess. She saw that the prince was able to pick up the princess. Like she saw all of these things, she believed all of these things.
And then as she
became more mature.
as she realized that she doesn't need
Anyone's validation as she understood the things and the traits that she loved.
She was like this Tom Hahn guys hot.
Is that that is an exception, obviously. Because also Tom Holland's got thirty million in the bank. So but this does happen. You hear it happens, but it's it's the exception, isn't it? It's not the rule. It is. And you know why? Also that's the exception. And I agree. I'm with you, it's the exception.
Because
Most of us have poor well being.
Most of us have
Low self esteem.
Most of us do, I would argue, most adults.
Have
Low self esteem, mid to low self esteem. And what does that mean? It means that
We
Meadow.
The validation of others.
Right. And this is the reason why I always say
It goes back to us.
Do you really think this is the answer to this? Do you do you not believe that there's a big evolutionary component to
Attraction selection preferences. Like
Because
I I I'm struggling to believe that society
is the only reason.
why we're why we pick certain people. And I I do part of me w wonders and slightly worries that
We've we've almost design accidentally, inadvertently designed society in such a way where
what we're looking for no longer exists necessarily. So we have to confront this new reality that in fact we're gonna have to adjust some of our preferences if we are going to be happy and find what we're looking for. Yes.
I do believe
That a large percentage of the decisions that we make
Have been handed to us genetically.
So I'm I'm I'm with that.
Uh and I think the research
suggest that.
So
If you have, for example
Um, you know, uh to to Dr. Taros Wart and talking about, you know, a woman in the club, if she's ovulating or not ovulating, just based on that men are going to be attracted or or or or or or not attracted. Or you think about scent.
Right. Really what we're trying to do with Scent, the reason why we're turned off with scent is that
It's genetic.
It's that
If we end up
Mating with someone.
who has too close of a
uh genetic mirror to ours.
The child won't be as strong.
So we need diversification.
in our in our genetics.
And we don't realize this.
But we can determine that through our scent by being turned off. It's it's it's this a whole sniff test.
Does g do genetics play a role?
Absolutely.
Golden Mean, we talked about Golden Mean, where in essence this is
Women on average
Loving to see wide shoulders.
And a thinner waist.
And men
On average.
Loving to see.
Smaller hips. I'm uh smaller waist, wider hips.
Now.
Can people debate these concepts? Absolutely.
Do they stand up?
Um I mean are are there uh evolutionary
Reasons for these.
Yes, because it speaks to
Being fertile.

um strong to protect, right, f for for a man.
All of this does play a role, and sometimes we don't realize
How
Much of a role.
Evolution has played.
In why and how we make decisions, which is why
It's also important though.
To understand
How
The society that we have
Created.
As human beings.
also plays a role.
How we were handed
You should
You need to have a partner who's the same class as you.
You need to
When you find your partner.
That's
person that completes you.
When you find a partner, that's till death do you part.
Those pieces were handed to us.
So there's no wonder why we're confused. We have all this evolutionary
uh uh decision making happening that we're not even aware of.
Then on this side.
We have society telling us this is the person that we that we should have and this is the this is the reason why.
And I go back to why awareness is key.
An understanding
How and why.
We are?
Gives us
A power.
It gives us
Autonomy.
over our decisions so that when you are making that decision on your partner.
You can ask yourself.
You know.
Yeah, I I would love to have a partner who's
Over six feet.
But how important is that really?
To me.
Why why do I think I
I feel this way, yeah. And once you begin to have those debates with yourself.
That
puts you on the path.
To making a decision.
that you're going to be more satisfied with.
I think that's the key.
the awareness comes from confronting both realities, which is on one hand, there are some evolutionary things that are gonna make me have a bias towards a certain type of person that has certain attributes, even if those attributes actually
Um
No.
going to lead to a long-term healthy relationship like fuck boys. Yes. Like charisma and bravado and confidence is like somewhat attractive, but it might not be a great husband. And then on the other hand, there is tons of things society has handed me through magazines and media.
that have portrayed an image of what beauty looks like, that are also just bullshit. I think understanding both
is the key to that sort of autonomy. Yes. Being able to say actually
I understand where that's coming from in me.
But I will make a rational prefrontal cortex decision to select something else. Some evidence of this, the evolutionary basis of attraction, comes in this idea that people who have symmetrical faces
Аму
beautiful yes and more attractive across cultures. Is that true? Yes. So
There are many scientists that will say absolutely.
But here's what one thing I know.
Definitively.
About
Attraction.
Is
Attraction to someone else.
It's largely based
On your self esteem.
And this is what I mean.
Is that
The lower your self esteem.
The more dependent you are
On
the validation of the public. So therefore you will want to have a partner
who is considered to be
Attractive.
So if society if the script is that s s symmetry is it?
Or if the script is
Um wearing
This type of
Trainer is it?
If that's what society is saying.
Тен і вів лоф естім, you want a partner.
to look like that because you need the validation of the partner.
However.
Whenever you see
This is what I this is what I say. Whenever you see someone
who's walking around with a partner and you think
How did those two get together, right?
Chances are there's an element uh and w remember, I'm not talking about one is super high income or one has super high status. I'm just talking about
You look at
at at a coupling state.
They look odd.
Right.
One of them could be traditionally attractive, one of them might not.
normally what's happened is is that you have someone with high self esteem.
Who has
No
Need.
for the public's validation of their partner.
At all.
What you just listened to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode. If you want to listen to that full episode, I've linked it down below. Check the description. Thank you.
Uh