The Quitting Expert: Sunk Costs Are Keeping You TRAPPED, Quit Before AI Comes! | Seth Godin

0:00 How do I know when to quit something? It's okay. You can quit things. Hang on a minute. When I went to the gym this morning there was the Michael Jordan quote. If you quit once, it becomes a habit. Never quit. He's wrong. And it's very clear that he's wrong. And I've failed more times than most people are listening to this. And the simple secret for the power of quitting is the dip. And the dip describes something in the world that no one talks about. And so one of the things I try to do is help people understand it because my whole career is about how can I help people do better. Find why they're stuck and realize what's holding them back. Because problems are opportunity. And I believe all problems can be solved. But what we're wrestling now with is people are afraid, people are lonely, people are disconnected. They're victims of all sorts of media and commercial systems. And we've been indoctrinated to not notice it.

0:48 Focusing on people who feel stuck right now. So there's this philosophy which is the key to figuring out our stuckness. The donkey is trapped. Halfway. Between the water and the cow. The donkey is thirsty and hungry. But he's unwilling to move away from either of the things he wants, so he starves to death and he dies of thirst. And all of us do this, and we do it with one simple word. But I want to run the marathon, but I don't want to get tired. I wanna have a job that fulfills me, but I also like this car and this house. And so I can give you tools that can help you overcome resistance. And also I can give you the mechanics to become the person your future self thank you for. And then this skill of overcoming shame or embarrassment might be one of the most important skills in the modern world today. How do I get better at dealing with that? So let me try to make it really simple. The floor is yours. So

1:37 Guys, I've got a favor to ask before this episode begins. The algorithm, if you follow a show, will deliver you the best episodes from that show very prominently in your feed. So when we have our best episodes on this show The most shared episodes, the most rated episodes. I would love you to know. And the simple way for you to know that is to hit that follow button. But also it's the simple easy free thing that you can do to help us make this show better. And I would be hugely grateful if you could take a minute on the app you're listening to this one right now and hit that follow button. Thank you so, so so much. Uh

2:11 Good end. For my audience who've just clicked on this conversation. My question to you is by the time this conversation is done, what do you hope that they're gonna come away with? What questions in their life are they gonna have answers to?

2:25 Some of your best guests are world experts and they show up and they say, I did the research, I did the math Do this'cause I told you to. And I've never done that. I show up and I try to

2:37 Paint a picture for people of what the words mean and what the systems are like? And then encourage you to do things'cause you told you to. And so what I think we're wrestling now with is People are afraid, people are lonely, people are disconnected.

2:52 They're victims of all sorts of media and commercial systems. And we've been indoctrinated to not notice it. And there are problems all around us and if we can solve problems we can make things better. So what I wanna help people do Find the words to talk about their problem.

3:09 Realize what's holding them back. Go solve the problem. 'Cause when we solve problems we make things better for ourselves and for other people. So problems aren't something to be avoided. Problems are our opportunity.

3:21 And I believe all problems can be solved. Some things aren't problems. They're situations. And you have to live with them. But if it's a problem. It means there's a solution.

3:31 And I would like to help people find The vision and the words to see. Where they're stuck. Why they're stuck.

3:39 And whether it's a problem or a situation. It's the problem and someone's gonna benefit. From you solving it? I hope I can give you the mechanics, the tools, the vocabulary. To go.

3:49 Move forward. Toward better. And what kind of problem specifically? Do you try and solve for people in your work, but also in this more recent book that you've just written called The Not So I don't solve problems for people, they solve problems for themselves.

4:03 And when someone points out to you Where the problem is, you can now make a new decision. Right. So if someone's applying for college. It's super easy if you're seventeen years old to get all hung up on I'm about to be judged, how are they gonna know the real me? What if I get rejected? Am I a loser? Have I wasted my whole life. But once you see the college industrial complex.

4:24 Once you understand the agenda of the admissions office, once you realize what people are looking at and why. Say, Oh, this is a game. This is a game like Settlers of Catan or Monopoly. And if I win this game, it's not'cause I'm a good person, it's because I played the game better. If I lose the game Same thing. Once you see that

4:44 All the drama. An entanglement. Of applying for college. moves to the side, and you say, What's in it for the admissions officer? to see the person I want to present to them because if I can solve their problem

4:57 I gotta go to the school I wanna go to. Well that's true. in so many parts of our lives is there we engage with a system or a person or a boss or Co worker or spouse. And

5:10 We think we're right. We've got all this noise in our head. We think everyone can hear the noise in our head. They can't. We think everyone wants what we want. They don't. And so we show up. See

5:21 It's my turn. I need And now we have a problem. And the reason we have a problem is'cause that other person thinks they're as right as we think we're right, and they have a different problem.

5:31 So we're colliding. But if we can see Та Олив. is a dynamic within Family systems, corporate systems, commercial systems.

5:43 we can understand what are the forces at work. Now that we see them. We can use them to get to where we want to go. Yeah, it's funny'cause I I go out into the world and I I sit in taxis and I I walk down the street and people come up to me and I get a sort of a an idea of the personas of people watching and

6:00 Because I get in a lot of taxis, I have a lot of conversations with taxi drivers. So they're one persona in my head. And then you know, the other is maybe like a a mother with with with a kid or or two who's trying to make a change in in their sort of later career. For those people that the average person listening right now Where is it that they want to go to? And I don't mean specifically, I don't mean job. Where is it that they want to go to and where are they? Right. Most people we meet.

6:25 would like to be Sene Missed if they are gone. Understood, And of use.

6:32 Right. Crosses borders and cultures. And yet we end up being a cog in a system, the Uber driver racing around, doing things they wouldn't ordinarily do,'cause the system is pushing them. to cut every corner or the mom who's struggling because the financial system that she's stuck in.

6:51 Is pushing her away from The kind of work or parenting she wants to do. And many of those things are injustices and some of those things cannot be fixed by an individual.

7:02 We can accept those as situations. We're not gonna change Uber. Uber is gonna be the way Uber is gonna be. And if you choose to be an Uber driver, the rules of Uber come with it. But other things are things where we get to make a choice. And I'm not saying. I want to be really clear, I'm not saying anyone deserves an injustice. Anyone deserves where they're

7:23 are right now. But given who you are. Given where you are. What are the choices you do have? And

7:30 How do we get out of the Of wanting two things that we can't have at the same time. Because it's when we want two things at the same time that cannot coexist That we feel stuck.

7:44 And that feeling of stuckness. Robs us. From the chance to be of use. It robs us from the chance to get to that place that deep down we want to go. I use the word

7:54 purpose. And what I mean by that is not you're born with a purpose, because I don't think you were. But you can choose. With intent. the purpose of whatever you're gonna do tomorrow. That purpose might be I need to get paid. That purpose might be I need to get this date. That purpose might be I need to put something on the internet that changes the lives of a thousand people.

8:15 When you say your purpose out loud. The purpose of this work is so and so. Then I say back to you the very first question, which is the key. Who Who is this for?

8:25 Is it for everyone? Or is it For Twelve people or a thousand people. What change are you here to make?

8:32 And for who? And if we can't figure out who the who is, Then we feel like there's just this amorphous, horrible, heavy blanket on us. Trapping us. If you can find

8:42 The five people you can solve a problem for, or the twenty five people. Who would miss you? It starts to work. So let me give you a quick story to help you understand the analogy. Your stand up comic.

8:52 You've been working really hard. Um and your agent calls, I got a great gig. So you go and there's a hundred people there. And you bam. Not one laugh.

9:01 for ten minutes and then you leave the stage. Then you find out it's a tour group. From Italy. And no one in the room speaks English. So who bought?

9:11 Right? It's your agent who put you in the wrong room. There was nothing wrong with your jokes. It was a mismatch'cause the audience didn't speak English. So you're allowed to say. It's not for you.

9:23 to try to engage with someone it's not for. If we read the comments, if we read the reviews and someone gives a great book a one star review All that one star review says is this book wasn't for me. That's all they needed to write. Nothing else in the review is helpful. Because someone else thought it was a five star book. So the author has learned Nothing.

9:44 So we pick who it's for. What is our intent? This person I'm going to help. I'm going to trade with, I'm going to engage, I'm going to sell to, or whatever.

9:54 Who exactly? What do they believe? What do they want? What are they afraid of? If I can solve their problem. they're going to want to engage. And I can be of use. And then I can do it again.

10:06 And then I can do it again. Is this a a point about getting unstuck? In your current situation. right back to

10:14 Who you want to serve. their persona, what their needs are, and then focusing on that'cause I'm thinking again about this Uber driver. who feels somewhere in their life. They they they think I've got to sell my time to make this much money, but I'm not satisfied and I'm not fulfilled. So how does what you've just said sort of dovetail into that person's life? So people sometimes call me a marketer. And

10:36 I had the luxury of starting my career right when television was dying. So before that marketing meant big companies buying ads, interrupting people, hustling them. Et cetera. And then it shifted. So I got to just find marketing as anything I wanted. And I've defined marketing as

10:53 Telling a true story. To the right people. In a way that helps them. Get where they want. that they will tell their friends about.

11:00 If you do those steps You're not doing any of the icky part. You're Being of service. And you don't have to have a budget to do this. We are all marketing. When you walk in in Taddy jeans to a job interview at an investment bank,

11:14 You've just marketed yourself. By your clothing. Right, there's a signal that you chose to send and that they will receive or not receive. So when we think about The agency, the freedom.

11:27 that each of us have. We have the freedom to decide. Who we're gonna show up for. And what's the story that's built in? So back to this Uber driver.

11:35 If You wanna make a living driving a car and meeting interesting people. One thing you could do is give up all of your freedom to Uber and let them find you the passengers. But the other thing you could do is realize that there are seventy five people who live in this suburb of your town. Who need to get somewhere

11:54 reliably and safely. and would be delighted to have you be their driver. And When you hand out the right cards to the right people, making it clear what you do and don't do.

12:06 And who you do it for and don't do it for. Getting to fifteen regular customers? Is not out of reach. Yeah. That path is a better use of his tomorrow. Mm-hmm.

12:17 Simply being ground. Ouch. Bye. some social media company or or ride sharing service.

12:24 Bringing it back to this this rope thing over here, because I really want to just focus in on people who feel stuck right now. The essence of where I'm trying to go to in this conversation is I wanna speak to people that currently feel stuck, but they know that they're capable of more. They know that they can have another life, but they practically don't understand, I guess, both the psychology The systems, the mechanisms, and I guess what they can control in order to move from where they are to where they want to be. Right. There's a rope here. Yeah. And it serves as a somewhat interesting analogy for I guess being stuck. And

12:55 Pulling on the wrong thing. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, do you know the analogy because I don't know. Yes, I do. So two thousand five hundred years ago. This guy named Alexander, he didn't have a last name yet. Showed up outside of a small village in Turkey. And there was a legend from King Midas. There was a wagon there, and it was tied with a complicated knot.

13:16 And the legend was whoever could untie this knot. We become The ruler of huge parts of Europe. And

13:23 Alexander was twenty one years old. And he did not use a knife, he did not cut anything. But he looked at this not. That was Tied to the wagon.

13:33 And he did one thing that no one before him had ever done. He realized that there was a pole in the center of it that it was tied around. And Hm. Removed

13:44 The pole. And then he could see By looking very carefully at How the whole knot was held together. And he could untie it with no trouble whatsoever.

13:56 And then he became Alexander the Great. Because The secret, the simple secret was We are stuck. Because we can't see.

14:05 What's holding us there? If what's holding us there we cannot change, like gravity is holding us to Earth. Gravity's not a problem. Gravity's a situation. Going to the moon.

14:16 Doesn't deny gravity. It works with the fact that it exists. But we are Working Від проблем. But we're confused.

14:27 Because We want two things. So can I show you what I mean? Yeah. Okay. So Here's

14:34 An actual carrot. And here is actual water. This is not Actually. A donke. But let's pretend this is a donkey.

14:42 Okay. philosophy experiment from a couple hundred years ago. The donkey is hungry and thirsty.

14:50 He has complete freedom, he can move. And he's halfway between A pile of carrots. And a bucket of water. And he's trapped.

14:58 'Cause every time he moves toward the water he's moving away from the carrot. Can't do that'cause he's hungry. And every time he moves toward the carrot, he's moving away from the water. Can't do that'cause he's thirsty. And so in the experiment, because we're trapped. We end up Dying of hunger.

15:13 And thirsty. All of us do this. And we do it with one simple word. Which is But

15:20 I want this. But I also want that. Right. I want to have a creative life, but I never want to get rejected.

15:30 I want to run the marathon, but I don't want to get tired. And we hide the buttons. We don't say the butt out loud. So my favorite story, which I talked about in the book.

15:41 is Jackson P. So Jackson Pollock. was the most famous painter. In America. in the nineteen forties, about eighty years ago.

15:50 He was on the cover of Life magazine. He had three years where he could do no wrong. His paintings were Were Snapped up. Everyone saw him as a little bit of a hero.

16:01 It's very unusual for an artist to be a hero in their own lifetime. And With Lee Krasner later said that he felt like he had done he could. Could do. with this cycle of art.

16:12 And what most people in that situation would have done he's become a Jackson Pollock cover band. Paint more versions of his old paintings. Take the money. You won.

16:21 He wanted to be A brilliant creator. He wanted to be on the frontier. So he stopped painting Jackson Pollock paintings. He went to a studio And Came up with a whole new style.

16:34 different approach. It didn't look. Like Jackson Polych had done it. And he brought it to this big show. And the world yawned.

16:43 Not one piece sold. And to this day, if you go to a museum, you will probably not see a second Cycle. Jackson Polish. This led him

16:52 Iven More of a substance abuser? Which led to him dying in a tragic car crashed, it killed somebody else as well.

17:00 Because Jackson Pollock wanted two things. He wanted to live on the frontier and be the creative Artists on the cutting edge. But

17:09 He also wanted to be the celebrity who could sell everything he made and was seen as a genius. He forgot how many years it took the first Jackson Pollock. To accomplish that. And because the second Jackson Pollock didn't hit. The butt became really loud in his head. Can't have two of these things if they are diametrically opposed. We need to find where is the butt. I want this but I want that. It's usually hiding as an and.

17:35 Once we see it. Well see Oh, that is what It's keeping me from giving the people I'm trying to serve what they need. That's why I'm not getting Where I need to go.

17:46 We can We move the pole. See the entanglements, see what we're measuring wrong. Forgive them. Make a new decision.

17:55 And the problem goes away. And you can substitute and you're saying. Instead of buttons. Emphasizes it. I want to be a creative person and

18:05 I'm eager to be rejected. And not people have people get the joke for a while and have to live in the back of my van because that's what creative people do. That's part of it. I get that. I want

18:16 on social media and that means I can't be Honest and authentic and consistent because I gotta keep chasing X, Y, or Z. And when we look at the people Who consistently

18:28 Yeah. Big clicks. That's what they're doing. They're not thinking this is who I am. Going to chase the next thing. If you're not happy with that, please don't do it.

18:37 But the end Amplifies the work. But Undercut it. There's people listening right now that are

18:46 Three kids under the age of seven. Thinking about my brother. He's got three kids under the age of seven. And they also want to Launcher company. Right. And they they might feel that there's a tension between those two things because they on one hand want to be the the best dad on earth, like my brother wants to be. Yeah. But at the same time, they really want to launch that.

19:06 AI startup. Yeah. Now these two things are tugging at each other. Correct. What do they do? Really important. They named it.

19:14 Okay. Second thing. Can't do two things at the same time, but you can do many things over time. And what that means is he made a commitment to three small humans in this moment. He's gonna go to work, but he can't go to work for

19:29 A hundred hours a week. So he needs to pick a project. Where The amount of time he has is enough time to do the project really well. He cannot start an open AI competitor.

19:41 It is off the table. That is impossible. Because the thing he's committed to Cannot coexist. With

19:48 Yeah. That's hard to admit. Right, but it unlocks the door to what we can do. If he can figure out how to build an entity where he's not hiding Where he's actually showing up on the hook.

20:00 to a group of people and say, I know more about AI than you and I'm gonna use this tool to do X. And they pay him for it? Now at the end of a forty hour week. He appropriately goes and Does the work of a dad.

20:13 Right? That's a business. that's creating value for people that will make you more profit than open I made last year. Right. Is

20:23 Media keep showing up and saying what you're supposed to do is be a Kardashian. What you're supposed to do is be Sam Altman. No, that's not what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to make promises and keep them. For the smallest audience that's enough. You can't maximize two things. That use the same space.

20:40 Do you think it's possible? To know. If a motivation Or a goal or a dream you have or an ambition you have. Is real or not.

20:49 And when I say real, I mean like did I just inherit this from expectations from Instagram or from my family? Or because my brother in law is rich and I wanna kinda compete? Is there a way to know if my my the The goal I say I want is a real one. Yeah, I love this. This is brilliant.

21:05 This gets back to the idea of purpose. What is the change? You seek to make. with the next cycle of your effort. Not your

21:12 Purpose on earth, but the purpose of the work you're about to do. Are you trying to make Mark Zuckerberg happy? Are you trying to make an anonymous Commenter happy? Are you trying to teach Troll a lesson? Because when you say that out loud, you realize that's a ridiculous purpose and it's a trap. If we can be clear what's in it for me. If I

21:31 Put this time in. What will I get in return? So My company has seventy five people, let's say. And

21:39 Should I grow to have two hundred fifty people? Well what would be in it for me. You can have more money, theoretically. Theoretically, but what you're really gonna earn is a different kind of status. You have to decide if that status Boss of more people.

21:57 That status, what I get to say at the cocktail party, that status of what could happen after that. is worth the price. You're gonna pay to do this. Or not. And so we

22:08 Keep making these choices about what is the purpose of this work. And that leads to the Key From Steve Pressfield, which is resistance. And resistance

22:18 Is any feeling we have Keeps us From doing Generous.

22:25 Generative. Creative work of any kind. So for example, writer's block is resistance. For example You're going out on a date. And you change your outfit six times.

22:35 Resistance shows up in so many of the things we do, and the systems around us indoctrinate us. 'Cause they want us to be cogs in the system. They want us to say, Well, how do I get an A? How do I get permission to do X, Y, or Z? I'm not going to initiate. Anything. So it's easier

22:53 For your brother to deal With the resistance in his head by saying I'm stuck. Then it is for him to say, I changed the lives of seventeen people this weekend. Whereas

23:04 If we kept Drilling into what's your purpose? I think he would say Yeah. Changing the lives of people is more important to me. Then

23:11 making business week magazine happy because I built some company. Is it useful to try and name the resistance in order to overcome it? You can't Make Resistance go away.

23:23 Ever. You can dance with it. You can invite it in for tea. You can name it. You can say the reason I'm hesitating to do this is resistance.

23:32 You're going to say I don't feel like it. I gotta go do this other thing instead. I don't wanna host a small party. Resistance. My friend Lisa Moved across the country to be with her partner. All the way to Los Angeles, new

23:44 Three people in the whole city. She says, I don't want to live a lonely life in Los Angeles. I'm gonna have a potluck dinner every Friday. I'm gonna start by inviting the three people I know. And every week.

23:56 You can come back if you bring a new person. Fifty weeks later, She has a network of four hundred people. All good friends. Anyone could have done that.

24:06 No one does. Resistance. What if I invite someone and they say no? What if I invite someone I don't like them? What if I invite someone they don't like me? Resistance, resistance, resistance.

24:16 Name the baggage. Drop the baggage. Do it. Once you can name the baggage, you can say this is why I am feeling stuck. If I can let go.

24:26 of this other thing. I can move toward the carrot. 'Cause I can forgive the water. I was sort of running through different people in my head that I'm that I know. Again, trying to think about the personas of the people listening. And one of the things I realized is that everybody's starting from a very different place here. Right. And why is that? Why is it that some people are quite good at dealing with resistance? They can invite round strangers and then other people are Living in fear. They're almost

24:48 Yeah. They never take a risk. Yeah. Is privilege. It's Injustice it's living in a culture

24:56 that never gives you the benefit of the doubt. But even if I look among a group of people who all have the same amount of privilege. There's still somebody. Who is at the marketplace helping

25:06 strangers find where they're going. There's still somebody who You know I have a family friend Went to an Ivy League school. He wanted to be an actor. And He went to apply to the improv troop.

25:17 For auditions. And they picked ten people and he came in eleven. And he called me up. He was very upset. How'd you Why don't you start your own improv troop?

25:27 You don't need any equipment. You don't need a permit. You just need four people to do improv with. Start your own improv troop. And the irony, the reason I remember the story is He couldn't do it.

25:39 I mean, isn't that what improv is? Star your own improv tree. And so You know, I run a online community called purple dot space. And on purple, we got thousands of people.

25:50 Who are coaching each other. And it's uh the opposite of a social network. There's no scams, there's no hustle, nobody sells anything to anybody else. It's just I'll talk you through Might.

26:01 Not you talk me through yours. Let's hold each other accountable. Well, someone needs to go first. Everyone wants to be invited. But Few people. What?

26:11 To start what? Because you're afraid of being rejected. Because It's one step. Short of

26:17 Dying. So when we can name this and realize it's actually not at all related to dying. This isn't about hustling someone. And

26:26 Getting in their face to sell'em something. This is about Offering to solve their problem. As you solve your problem. By naming the thing.

26:34 and figuring out where we can be of value. One of the things that I've experienced as a podcaster is a lot of people come up to me in the street and they'll tell me about the podcast idea that they've had for four years. And I it's quite a curious thing to observe because It appears on the surface that they are serious.

26:50 But the very nature that they've been mulling it for a couple of years means that there's probably some kind of resistance there. Correct. Exactly. So I for a couple of years my friend uh Alex DePom and I ran the podcasting fellowship, so Thousands of people went through this workshop to start a podcast. And The

27:07 Reason podcasts are such a Great examples. Everyone knows what a podcast is. And the cost of starting a podcast is less than a dollar. So why don't you have one?

27:17 Right. Okay. Well so we start the cycle by Give me all the reasons you can't have a podcast. And one of the ones that comes up is well I don't think I could get good guests. And then we would say, Okay, who would be the best guess you could ever get?

27:30 And Amazing, Michelle Obama's name comes up to me. Michelle Obama's not gonna be on your podcast. But who would you need to have on your podcast as the guest before Michelle Obama? That would be

27:43 meet her more likely to say yes. And who would be the guest before that? And the guest before that, and let's go all the way back to your next door neighbor. Can you get your next door neighbor to be a guest on your podcast? Yes. So go make that podcast and just play it for the twenty people who are in the circle. And at that point half the people Can't do it.

28:00 There's no technical reason why. It's just too hard to say to your next door neighbor, Can I interview for twenty minutes and then show it to somebody else? 'Cause resistance. And so the hack I give people is Start a blog.

28:14 Under another name. Under an assumed name. No one will know you wrote it. Do it for a hundred days in a row. If you do that for a hundred days in a row, I'm betting

28:23 You're gonna wanna put your real name on it. But if not, at least you understand there was nothing fatal About Posting something in public. For a hundred days in a row with somebody else's name on it.

28:33 So that's obviously not where the writer's block is. It's in resistance. Two things at once. I want to do this, I want to be recognized. But I don't want it to fail. I don't want to be disrespected. I don't want to lose status.

28:47 And those two things keep us paralyzed and the system likes it like that. What you did there is you took the resistance and you tried to break it down into the smallest possible piece. Correct. Yes. So you took a big piece of resistance, which is how do I get Michelle Obama my podcast? You broke it down into I need to go off my next door neighbor to come on my podcast. Yeah. And then you broke it even smaller to I'm gonna start an anonymous blog.

29:08 Yeah. 'Cause when we call her on bluff, it's very uncomfortable. But it's better than someone else calling our bluff. And this gets back. to my posture of I can't solve your problem.

29:19 But maybe I can give you tools. that can help you name your problem so that in a safe place you can talk to somebody about Where is the resistance? Why Am I in my head about this? What's the smallest unit of value for the smallest possible audience that I could do?

29:36 That would make a difference for them. Bob Lefsitz writes the most popular music. Blog in the world. Everybody in the music industry knows him.

29:44 I promise you. When he started? He had five readers. My blog has a million readers. When I started, I had five readers. That's the way they

29:53 I'll start. That's how your podcast started. Five listeners. When you um you broke it down there and you turned it into an anonymous blog, what I I guess what you were also doing is you were breaking down the embarrassment into smaller and smaller and smaller and smaller pieces of embarrassment. Irrespective there was still embarrassment.

30:13 And I heard this phrase. Embarrassment is the cost of entry. Would you agree with the the general idea that Irrespective of what you do. you're gonna have to be embarrassed. You're gonna have to like pay that as the f the fee of entry to almost anything outside of your current context and identity.

30:30 Life guards and imposter syndrome. So imposter syndrome was named by two social scientists about seventy years ago. Imposter syndrome is that feeling when you're doing something important or new.

30:42 That you're a little bit of a fake. Or fraud, and that someone else ought to be doing this instead of you. So the story I tell is about being a lifeguard. So in Canada you have to get your bronze medallion to be a lifeguard. And imagine you're on Uh Canoe Lake.

30:57 On duty, there's six lifeguards on the dock. And A kid starts drowning. Right in front of you. The first thing that might come to mind is

31:06 I just barely got my bronze medallion. And that guy too. Doc Down is a much better swimmer than me. W this is someone else should say it. It's right in front of you. This is your kit. You jump in the water.

31:18 Do you apologize for your stroke? Do you say I'm really sorry I'm not getting there as fast. You save The kid. That's what lifeguards do. The kid is going to thank you and their parents are gonna thank you.

31:29 That's the work of a lifeguard. Life guards are able to overcome resistance because it's such a vivid thing. Well If someone's gonna send an email newsletter to someone who asked for it. And that might help them.

31:43 Get to where they're going. Where's the embarrassment exactly? And Shame is this interesting emotion'cause we must receive it. It's sent to us all the time, but you have to receive it. For it to work.

31:57 I'm walking on Seventy Fourth Street, not far from here. Past this little pocket playground. And I hear a four year old inside the playground taunting somebody else.

32:08 And this kid is making fun of this guy. Making fun of his clothes, making fun of the fact that he's bald. And then I realised the kid's taunting me. Because he was just You know, it felt safe for him and it is yelling at bystanders.

32:21 The point was it instantly brought me back to third grade. instantly brought me back to what does it feel like to be bullied. But wait, wait, first of all, you're on the other side of a fence. I'm never gonna see you again. You cannot put any shame on me. It does it it bounces off me. And

32:38 When we can get to useful work for a small audience of people. We're allowed to say to someone who doesn't get the joke. Sorry, it's not for you. I forgive you. I don't have to accept your shame. I don't have to accept the embarrass you want to give me,'cause I'm here for the right reason.

32:54 And if it's not for you We both learned something. I guess because of the internet as well. Embarrassment is Everywhere and shame is everywhere. People are you start anything on the internet, you there's gonna be some troll that tells you it's terrible. Even when we started this podcast, I mean still today we get a lot of people telling us it's fucking terrible, but um because it's everywhere. Y one could almost argue that um

33:15 Overcoming it. Is now a superpower. Because you know everybody that does anything is going to encounter it. And you know how Painful it is to deal with that. And you also know that most people won't.

33:28 That actually the skill of mastering like overcoming shame or embarrassment or Critical feedback or whatever it might be might be one of the most important skills in the modern world today, when there's so much negative feedback and so much shame or embarrassment or whatever. It's just that's what you that's what I was thinking of when you're saying it. It's like how how do I get better at dealing with that? Well let's look at it slightly differently.'Cause I think that's a great point. But Practical empathy.

33:49 Says. I don't know what you know. I didn't have the day you had. I don't want what you want. And that's okay.

33:57 And I can forgive that. And I don't have to Take it personally. I can simply take it seriously. And those are different things.

34:06 Here's a an interesting Semi business example. You've been to Shake Shack. Yes. My friend Danny Meyer started Shake Shack, it's now a multi billion dollar company. Shake Shack is based on his youth in Saint Louis, Missouri.

34:17 And he grew up with crinkle cut French fries. Cracker cut french fries. Are the secret to a certain kind of fast food. Hamburger joy.

34:26 And Fancy New York restaurant critics. Ed Levine, the New York Times, said what are you doing? You're making this whole big deal out of everything is handmade and fresh. You're serving frozen

34:36 Cry coat french fries. That we can buy in the freezer. At the supermarket. You need to make real French fries. So Danny

34:44 His status is associated with the fanciest restaurants in the United States. And he and his team see this assault they're getting on being embarrassed about the French fries which are at the heart of their menu. So they spend millions of dollars over the course of a year. Researching potatoes, reconfiguring Every single restaurant.

35:04 putting it a different kind of fryer, making fresh cut French fries is a really Big. Challenge. Also Fresh cut French fries.

35:13 are a living thing and in May the potatoes are different than they are in November. So sometimes a fresh cut french fry is the best french fry you ever had. And sometimes It's limp. And not very good.

35:25 And they switched. to fresh cut French fries because they wanted the status that came from New York Cultural critics saying. These are guys that are authentic. They're the real deal. And the French fries were no good.

35:37 And The entire internet. Blue up and say. What have you done to Shake Shack? And the staff hated making them and it was a mess and you gotta clean things differently. Nothing good.

35:48 came of this shift except making a couple of people in New York City happy because that's who they decided to listen to. And One day Danny looked at this and said, What is the purpose of the French fries at Shake Shack? Do the French fries at Shake Shack exist? To help a non customer.

36:04 Feel good. About eating at a Danny Meyer restaurant? Or do the French fries at Shake Shack exist to further the story of what it is to come to Shake Shack? And they ripped everything out and they went back to the Crinco Cut fries. And the world rejoiced.

36:18 Profits went up. P productivity went up. And they got back to what they were trying to do. In The first place. By

36:25 Forgiving and ignoring the people. Who needed to say You need fresh cut French fries'cause that's what they stood for. But it wasn't What the business was for.

36:35 This sounds like a business story, but actually as you were saying it, I Realize that it pertains to everybody's life listening right now because we're all serving a certain voice. Right. And then the other thing that came to mind is I've just hired someone called Arda Pema, who's came from Amazon. She was leading products there, building AI products, AWS. She's now leading uh she's our CITO, chief innovation and technology officer at steven.com, my holding company. And one of the things she told me about Amazon. is that they are just unbelievably obsessed in the customer. Every decision they make from a culture perspective is all about the customer. She even told me that Jeff Bezos in his meetings and still in the Amazon meetings today, They put an extra chair.

37:14 In every meeting. That is empty. To represent the customer. Because they want the customer to be in every meeting. And she told me how that anchors all of the decisions they make from a product perspective right back to the the person they're serving. I guess it kills.

37:29 The donkey thing you told me. Because they're not having to choose between serving the merchants or the customer. They are serving the customer. Sometimes she told me at the merchant's expense. But you have to be okay with that. Yeah she said to me. And I actually really uh stayed with me'cause now I always think about like who's the customer, who's the cust even when I do this podcast, you hear me talking about personas. I'm talking about Dave the taxi driver and Jenny the mum. Exactly. That's who we're serving here. Yeah. And so I just need to put a small paper clip here.

37:55 In the last two years Amazon has lost their way about who they're serving. And Amazon made billions and billions of dollars last year selling ads that make Amazon search worse to people who want to interrupt what you're looking for to put their thing up on top. That doesn't serve the customer. That serves a different kind of shareholder.

38:11 But yes, the model of what Jeff built there from the way they hold their meetings, which is absolutely fascinating. Two what they chose to do about who it was for and who it wasn't for.

38:23 were consistent About saying This is the problem we are here to solve. This is the purpose of this click. This is the purpose of this page. There's no doubt about what it's for. And so the meeting thing

38:35 Most people who are listening to this go to meetings. And Many people who have white collar jobs say the meetings are the worst part of their day. What is the meeting for? The typical meeting, if we're gonna be honest.

38:48 is to make the boss feel like you are listening to them and let the boss take attendance. Because it could probably be a memo. And if you're Not sending a memo and you're having a meeting, let's be clear. Who's this for?

39:00 What's it for? What is the purpose of what we just did here with eight people just listening the whole time? Well, why didn't you just send'em a video that they could watch at double speed. Meetings are a symptom. They're a symptom. Unspoken

39:16 rules about what we do around here. And We can see them everywhere we look. When in doubt. There are three things that drive people.

39:26 Fear? Belonging or affiliation. and status. And we don't really understand what they mean. So first fear. I call it the freedom from fear, which is different.

39:38 Freedom from fear is I don't wanna do things that are gonna make me feel nervous. I don't wanna do things Okay. I think I'm afraid of. That keeps people from doing a lot of things. That's resistance. Affiliation.

39:50 Is You don't wear A tuxedo to a funeral. 'Cause or clown suit. No one's gonna do that, so you're not gonna do that. Fitting in.

39:58 Who's to my left? Who's to my right? What's everybody else doing? And the third one, which is really misunderstood. His status. Status is simple.

40:07 Who eats lunch first? When we get to the oasis, which animal Gets the water. First. Status isn't money. But it could be related to money.

40:15 Status is just who's up. And who's down? These three things keep dancing with each other. About how people choose what kinda code. Are they gonna buy Patagonia or are they gonna buy uh a cheaper knockoff?

40:28 One of those things comes with a different kind of affiliation and status than another one. But if we look For this. We can start to decode That quiet but that's been going on in our head. Name it.

40:40 Right? I wanna get this car. Why?'Cause it's fast. No, you don't need to go fast. I wanna get this car Because that kid at the high school lunch table said I was never gonna amount to something He could never afford this car. And every time I get in this car, I'm gonna be able to tell myself a story that I'm not that kid from the lunch table anymore. That's why I want to get this car.

40:59 Okay, now we're clear about what problem you're here to solve. Go for it. Really? Well, does it help you? Is that what you want to put your resources into? If that helps you.

41:11 Then it solved the problem. Do you think it is a worthy goal? Whether they've reasoned? Formi To decide this.

41:19 That high school leaves all sorts of tracks all over how we look at the world. My high school English teacher You are the bane of my existence and you will never amount to anything. And

41:33 She was partially in jest, but remembering that as I become a professional writer is fascinating. I dedicated it. Like my ninth book to her? And then I could let it go.

41:46 Right. And she and I had a wonderful lunch. The point is We can't deny that these things are in our lives. None of us are living this

41:56 Optimized, fully optimized life. The reason you're going and taking those nutritional supplements, the reason you're listening to this thing about some shortcut of bio, whatever. Has nothing to do with you doing an actual analysis of all the best ways for you to be healthy. They have to do with feeling agency.

42:15 Feeling a certain kind of affiliation with the crowd you're in. That's why we have cycles in medicine. It's not because medicine goes in and out of

42:25 Actual science. Fashion it's'cause Culture. Changes what we think is beautiful. Changes what we think

42:32 We need to do to get our emotional needs met. I've got sixty seconds and I'm gonna show you how much I can get done because of our sponsor called Whisperflow. And for those of you that don't know what it is, it's a business I invested in that turns your speech into text in any app or device. I'm gonna post into our Slack channel, which rewards whichever team member conducted the most experiments this week. Hi everyone. Here is this week's experimenter of the week. Congratulations to the Directo trailer team, which is Ant, Live, Dom, and Cam. You guys have one.

43:05 Okay, now I'm gonna open Gmail. So here is one of our founders on an email chain that I wanna connect my team with. All I have to say is Add my team's emails and Whisper will do exactly that. Now a quick message to Juan, who does my schedule every single week. Hey Juan, can I record on Wednesday at two P actually no, do you know what let's record at three PM on Wednesday. Whisper flow is four times faster than typing and it is incredibly easy to use. So if you want to give it a go,

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44:16 And LinkedIn Ads drives the highest B2B return on ad spend across all major ad networks. Give them a try at LinkedIn.com/slash diary. And if you spend two hundred and fifty dollars on your first campaign, you'll get a two hundred and fifty dollar credit for your next one just by going to LinkedIn.com slash diary. Keep this to yourself. Tums and conditions apply. I think I asked this as well because yes, you can serve my parents' expectations because they're immigrants and they want me to be doctor, lawyer, scientist, whatever. Or I could serve My kids who want me to be a great dad, or I could serve my

44:52 Playground trauma. Right. He wants to get the kick who said I was never gonna be anything. Exactly. Are any of these voices more worthy than the other? Is there a particular voice we should really orientate ourselves around? And I the other thing I've really now sort of internalized is. I'm gonna have to say no to the other voices. Yeah. I can't try and serve them all, or else I'll be the donkey stuck in the middle of the water in the carrot. I love this. I wish I put this in the book. This is exactly correct. That's We're gonna have to forgive.

45:15 some of these voices. So there are three basic things that get us hung up. There are Time entanglements. Which is today is not Yesterday and today is not.

45:25 Tomorrow, today is right now. There are Social community. entanglements. What will this person think of me? What will that person think of me? And then there are the entanglements we have with our vision of ourselves.

45:38 When I look in the mirror, if this works, what will I think of myself? If this doesn't work, what will I think of myself? And all three of them. Get in the way. Of announcing a purpose and then going

45:50 Solve that. Problem. Because we say to ourselves. Well I wanna work

45:55 But I can't get a job at a really fancy nonprofit and if I get a job at a less fancy nonprofit, then what will my parents think? Oh All of that's going on. We have to acknowledge that. Right.

46:08 I went to law school for three years. I didn't like it. I practiced law for five years. I hated it. Do I want to spend the next forty years of my life being a lawyer? I've

46:19 Tried it fully out. We can't quit. Because then we would have to Explain to our former self. Why did they pay this big price?

46:29 To get me this fancy gift. And I'm ignoring it. Some costs keep us trapped. And what we can do is realize that's a gift from our former self. And like all gifts, you don't have to accept it. If someone shows up and offers you a Vietnamese pot belly pig to take care of, you can say, No, thank you. I don't want to accept your gift. That law

46:47 Degree is a gift. But you don't have to accept it now. Now that you know what you know. You can make a different decision about the purpose of your work. And if it's not helping you achieve the purpose of your work. You can forgive it, say thank you very much.

47:01 And untie the knot. I think that point around sunk cost is an an important one to really um double click on. Because When I learned about the idea of sunk cost, it completely changed me as an investor. It was actually my brother. My brother's been working in like investment banking for like 15 years, now works in my company. And he explained to me one day early in my career, he goes, Steven, it was a a stock I had. I I was an investor in particular stock. And the stock was doing terribly, the company was doing terribly, but I didn't want to sell it. Right.

47:29 Because I had invested at a higher price. Correct. And then he sent me the psychology of money book and a few other papers and said, This is what sunk cost bias is and it'll ruin your life if you don't realise what it is. Yeah. And it's in everything we do. So there's the new parking apps let you find a parking garage near where you're going. And Pay in advance. Yeah.

47:48 So when I come into the city, sometimes I'll do this. So I've got A Thirty five dollar. Ticket.

47:55 To go park at this lot starting in five minutes. I'm driving in And I pass a free space on the street. Should I take it? Yeah. So the advantage of the free space, of course, is you can leave when you wanna leave and you don't have to engage and it does it saves you five or ten minutes.

48:11 But if I take the free space I'm wasting The money I just paid for that parking garage. And it still goes off in my head.

48:20 Well yeah, obviously you take the free space because The money you paid is already gone. That's a That ticket is a gift from your former self. Knowing what you know now, would you take this job? Knowing what you know now, would you take this parking space?

48:35 If the answer is Yes, then you can forgive What got you here? Because Serving the old you

48:43 The old you're gone. Yeah, I was thinking about Relationships as well. Yeah. Now, if you're the kind of person that leaves a relationship every three weeks because you're Ignoring.

48:54 Song cost, then you're never gonna have a relationship. Repeating the process. has Costs to you. Because it develops these patterns. That's not the kind of stunt costs I'm talking about.

49:05 The but yes, when you meet somebody who has decided to end a relationship The healthy thing for them to do is to say that relationship was then. I made all the right decisions. Based on who I was then, based on who they were then.

49:21 But we are not those people anymore. So based on who we are now, do we want to recommit to this? Will it pay off in the future? If the answer is No, it will not pay off in the future. You've already answered the question. Reminds me of Daniel Carman's work on loss of version. Mm-hmm.

49:36 And I think this is an important thing to explain because when you realise what's actually going on in your head and why people don't like to lose things, you can spot it when it's happening to you. Right. I read this study that showed if you lose ten pounds in the street falls out of my pocket If I then f find 10 pounds, it doesn't make up for the 10 pounds I just lost. I'd have to find twenty pounds to feel um the pleasure sufficient to the pain that I experienced from losing the 10. Humans don't like to lose things. And when I tr I I remember searching, what's like the evolutionary reason for this? And It it came to say that once upon a time

50:11 in our evolutionary past, again, this is a hypothesis. When we had a meal in front of us Going in pursuit of another meal. That would risk the one we current have was a terrible decision to make. So actually this whole you know, we're designed to

50:26 be sufficiently satisfied with what we have versus the pursuit of surplus. Yeah. So we want to protect what we currently have. That was a survival um advantage. No, absolutely, and we don't have to look in evolution, we look at wild animals today. Wild animals are wild. They hate change. Change never helped. A species.

50:44 Move forward. Because it represents a threat. And what we built as humans is a culture where change is happening faster and faster and faster. By the time we're done with this conversation, some AI company will have launched a new frontier model. Boom. And we can look at this and say, Where can I go hide?

51:03 How can I get back to being a wild animal that's in in this one place where nothing changes? Or we can decide to get back to the purpose of what are we trying to do right now. Ignore the stuff that's not relevant to it. Seek out the stuff. That helps us make the change we seek to make.

51:20 And get back to work. So We need to decide. Where are we gonna put our attention? 'Cause our attention is something we can never get back.

51:29 You talked as well about systems. The systems were like held in place. With One of the things that I've seen in your work is this idea of picking yourself. Because

51:39 I guess we're wired to to believe that there are still gatekeepers, but those gatekeepers have increasingly vanished. I mean, the fact that I can start this podcast and people listen, I think is evidence of the fact that you no longer need Do you know a funny story that I've never told? I am I went for an interview.

51:57 with LBC. Which is a UK radio station. Before I took this podcast seriously. I went there, I did my two hour audition. Sat there in the chair, people pretended to phone, it was just staff LBC.

52:10 And um I left. I was like quite nervous, et cetera. I thought I did a good job, but I was a little bit nervous, unsure about w what they might say. And I never heard back. They never gave me feedback. They never told me if I was good or if I was bad. So I started this podcast um on YouTube in my kitchen. Because I never heard back from LBC. And it just goes to show actually y you don't need Massive company to give you permission to start a platform. You can just do things in this modern world. And this is kind of dovetails into your idea of picking yourself. Yeah. So let's talk about systems first and then we'll come back to picking yourself. Okay.

52:41 People get A little glassy eyed when you talk about systems, so let me try to make it really simple. When you get in a car here You drive on the right side of the road. When you get back to the UK you drive on the left side of the road.

52:53 Why? Because It's way more efficient to drive on the same side of the road as everybody else. We have a system that says if you're gonna drive to the United States, drive on the right side of the road. systems start to get a little bit more complicated. The college industrial complex is a system.

53:07 That starts in first grade. That includes things like the S A T s and the stickers and the football teams and the dorms, and it's a four hundred year old system. that we got into because it works. It works. For most people, most of the time. It's an easy way to look at a resume, see one word, and decide if you want to interview somebody or not.

53:27 So the system that people my age grew up in is You would Do as well as you could in high school and a college would pick you. And then you do as well as you could in college and then a company would pick you. And you do as well as you could at the company and then they would pick you and you get a promotion. And then you would die.

53:44 And so we Indoctrinated. Billions of people around the world, please. Wait to get picked. Here are all the rules.

53:51 And if you follow the rules. You might get pick. Turns out it was rigged. Some people got picked. Unfairly, but that's what we got brainwashed. And we still teach our kids this.

54:01 Yeah. And then all of a sudden Starting you know in the nineties. We said, Here's a microphone. Here's the video camera.

54:08 Here's A typewriter. Pick yourself. And Now it's extended to

54:15 Here's an AI. You can start a company by tomorrow. You could build A complicated website. By Friday. Wait, I'm waiting for someone to tell me I should go do that. No one's gonna call.

54:25 It's twenty dollars a month. You can probably get it for free at your library. What are you gonna do? And when we Put ourselves on the hook, it's super scary.

54:35 Because does that mean I'm responsible for every kid on Canoe Lake who needs a lifeguard and I'm responsible for every kid Who might suffer from river blindness and I'm responsible for this and responsi so it's easier to say I'm responsible for nobody I'm a victim. But we have the chance to say I pick myself to solve this problem. I'm on the hook to help these people. I'm gonna use whatever tools I can.

54:57 Pick myself to make a thing better. Turns out that's generative. If you get A little good at it. Lots of people will ask you to do it again.

55:06 When you give away credit And take responsibility. Lots of people will ask you to do it again. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we're waiting to be picked because it's A nice excuse for

55:19 Resistance. We live in a permission seeking state. Because It's a good Shield. Yeah.

55:28 To avoid this thing you were talking about, which is the Freedom from fear. Yeah. I mean the the entire New York City book publishing industry is based on The author gets to say, Well they picked me to write the book.

55:40 And then I gotta go promote the book because I promised I would promote the book. I wanted the book to be there. They Asked me to write this book. And

55:50 As soon as you can Publish your own book. As soon as you can start your own YouTube channel, you don't get to see you don't get to say, Great news, YouTube call. They want me to start putting things on YouTube. And that's why The number of people you would think would go ahead and use this tool.

56:06 Isn't As big as it Could be because again. It's one thing to ask a teenager to be on TikTok. They're just entertaining themselves. They don't see themselves as a TikToker.

56:17 To see yourself. As somebody I picked myself. I am saying this and I'm responsible. That's hard. No one taught us to do that.

56:27 It's kinda like the LBC thing. I was waiting for LBC to pick me and I think once this podcast comes out, they're gonna call you. And you got a big decision to make. One of the The sort of adjacent points here is How do I know? If I'm delusional.

56:53 Right. I I always think this because a lot of the advice we give people around like getting going and starting and pursuing the thing they want to pursue doesn't necessarily always come with the nuance that actually like I can't actually be an NBA player. Correct. But h how do I know? Because all the advice is just go for it, pick yourself, et cetera. But I don't have the talent. I'm so glad you brought this up. That's not my advice. You probably are delusional if you're picking something

57:19 That's super fun. That involves skipping lots of intermediate. And it ends with a happy ending where you're famous. The chances of winning that lottery are very, very low. So people come to me and say

57:31 I got this great book. Will you help me? Yeah. career as a novelist. And the answer is super Easy.

57:37 Take your novel. It was really hard for you to write. I get that. Make it into a nicely formatted PDF costs you nothing. Email it to twenty people. If they send it to other people and it spreads, someone's gonna call you and hire you to write your next novel.

57:51 If it doesn't spread. Write a better novel. But don't start running around saying, I'm a novelist and I deserve To get picked. And have a

58:01 Big advance. Heartbreak of someone who is delusional is they insist. That the world owes them. Because they worked so hard on X, Y, or Z. Or that they have found some secret

58:14 Transcript that if anyone else understood it. Everyone would realize Well, if people don't understand it, that's on you. So we can get past the delusion by going for the smallest viable audience. What's the smallest group of people? That if I made a difference for them. It would be enough.

58:31 What's interesting is I imagine if you said that to some people. They would really not like the answer. People hate it when I say this. Why? Because it's so comfortable to be stuck in that knot. I'm a genius and I'm really hard working, but no one in the world understands me. So now my butt isn't a problem'cause I don't have to worry about any of the things that come

58:54 With the responsibility of it being in front of the wrong people or whatever. It's so much easier to say if only And I you know, I need to be home for this or I I this thing happened to me. Therefore I'm stuck.

59:07 We're safe. at some level in that frustration. And so what I'm trying to do with the knot is help people understand This is possible, but it is not easy. This is possible, but it will not give you the thing you are dreaming of.

59:22 It will merely find a path. to get to where it is possible to go. That's a grown up thing to have to commit to. If someone's not happy with the advice you just gave, I think it also illuminates That maybe their motives are wrong.

59:37 It reminded me of when I started this podcast and I had these two friends, Oliver and Ash. come to me and say, that was good, when's the next one? And I always say if they hadn't have said that to me, it probably wouldn't have continued'cause I was busy with other things. But those two people who I trusted and would tell me when something is terrible. And often do. Um Saying that to me. Just it gave me so much energy and motivation. And

59:59 I kept publishing. In part for them. Because I knew uh Oliver had this like three and a half hour commute to work every day from Sheffield. And um I loved the process. I was getting this feedback from this particular person that carried on going, but a lot of the time actually I think a lot of people would bounce off this advice of just send it to twenty people because they're actually attached to The podium. Right.

1:00:19 And what you're saying is no Focus on the journey. Right. But they want in their head somewhere, actually no I fucked the journey, Seth. I won't

1:00:27 To be famous and I want the million pounds. Right. And that's not what you're offering them. But actually you are. Well, someone someone's gonna win the lottery, Steven. Then it's probably not gonna be you. Yeah. And and so in your case

1:00:39 We're talking'cause you won the podcast lottery. Yeah. A hundred podcasts. As good as this one out of a million. Right? That's pretty amazing.

1:00:48 But There's still a hundred of them. So You show up. To buy lottery tickets in a way that lets you buy more lottery tickets.

1:00:56 You show up. To add value for people so you can keep going. And then when there's a lottery, you got a shot. Right? But along the way the journey says

1:01:06 I have a chance to say here, I made this. I made this means It's for you. It is a gift I'm giving you. If you don't accept the gift, I can't blame you. I just have to make a better gift.

1:01:20 But if people start accepting your gifts You have traction. Steve Blank. Talks about customer traction. As an investor, you know this. Customer traction is the single best indicator.

1:01:33 More than any other metric. How many customers would miss you if you shut down tomorrow? Mm. And for a pizza place, a hundred is enough. Yeah. They they say that a lot in product development. They say

1:01:44 Just make a thing for one person you know. And make make it for one person you know that really, really, really loves it. And it will turn out that there'll be lots of people like that person you know. Enough people. Maybe it's not lots, but it'll be enough. And so this cycle we're talking about.

1:02:02 Isn't self focused. It's Empathic. You have to let the audience in. To your thinking. Or else you're thinking about what's in this for me and me alone.

1:02:13 And that's narcissistic. And that is where you see all the internet hustle going on. All the people who are trying to pressure folks into sending them five dollars or multi-level marketing, all that stuff. That isn't what's possible. And it's not what we should be spending our time on. But when we can be of service for the right people. We have a chance to make things better. But I need to put a big aside here, which is where

1:02:36 Resistance kicks back in. The only way to launch something new is to create Tension. Not to relieve it, but to create tension, generous tension.

1:02:54 Attention. That's Offered generously. Із create forward motion.

1:03:02 is having a concert, fifteen thousand people can fit in the arena. She just created tension for forty thousand people because they're saying to their moms and dads, I gotta go get tickets before everybody else. If she's not willing to create the tension, she can't go on tour. So yes. It's awkward to create a tension. It's awkward to say, I'm doing this event, I hope There's room for you.

1:03:23 But it's the only way We can Cause Other people

1:03:29 To move forward. I was stress testing that Taylor Swift analogy. And the the way that I stress tested it was, Well, what if Taylor did a gig and there was unlimited seats? People would still go, I guess, because the tension is that she's so good, I might miss the experience, as you said. There's FOMO itself is the time. There's unlimited seats, but there's not unlimited nights. It's just tonight. And that's why live events create a different sort of tension.

1:03:54 You know, this Videos on the internet you haven't seen, I haven't seen. And we're not stressed about that. 'Cause they'll be there tomorrow. Right. But the live event

1:04:03 starts to change how we're going to engage with it among That Community. What else is s s sort of adjacent to this idea of getting unstuck?'Cause that's really what we're circling here. It's like the things that keep you stuck and how to Take sort of actionable steps outside of being stuck.

1:04:20 Is there anything else we need to close off on here? So you saw some of my juggling balls there. J juggling is Fascinating because When you see someone on the street, if you're a good person, if you see someone on the street juggling

1:04:33 You're not booting there for them to drop a ball. Right. That we want the juggler. T. Be able to juggle. So when people say

1:04:41 I'm gonna learn how to juggle. What happens is they throw one ball and they can catch it. They throw the other ball. But within two or three throws. One of the balls goes over here. So they lunge to catch it'cause the

1:04:52 Juggling is about catching. So they lunch to catch it, but now they're out of position. And the next one's gonna hit the ground. And then people give up. People give up because they think

1:05:02 Juggling is about. Catching. It's not. It's about throwing. If you get good at throwing, the catches take care of themselves.

1:05:11 So the way I teach juggling is with one ball. Throw it, catch it. Throw it, catch it. Till you're really bored. Then two balls. Throw, throw, catch, catch. This is not hard. But if you do throw, throw, catch, catch for twenty minutes.

1:05:24 Every ball's landing exactly where it's supposed to. And now juggling is easy. But what we are hooked on And listen any Self improvement podcast, it's all about the catching.

1:05:35 Right. Does this help me lose weight? Does this help me find friends? Does this help me build my business? Those are all Catches. Where's the throwing? How are we gonna get good at throwing? How are we gonna get good At realizing even if no one reads this next short story.

1:05:50 I'm gonna get good. At putting words on the page. The process. The practice. If we can develop a practice. We're no longer attached to the outcome. Because the outcome's out of our control. The practice is under our control.

1:06:05 Get good at throwing. Get good at seeing where problems lie, seeing where audiences are, seeing where you can be generous. When you get good at seeing those things. The catches take care of themselves. This is something that I've made for you. I realized that the drivers here audience are strivers, whether it's in business or health. We all have big goals that we want to accomplish. And one of the things I've learned is that when you aim at the big, big, big goal, it can feel Incredibly psychologically uncomfortable because it's kind of like being stood at the foot of Mount Everest and looking upwards. The way to accomplish your goals is by breaking them down into tiny small steps. And we call this in our team the one percent. And actually, this philosophy is highly responsible for much of our success here. So what we've done is that you at home.

1:06:52 can accomplish any big goal that you have is we've made these one percent diaries and we released these last year and they all sold out. So I asked my team over and over again to bring the diaries back, but also to introduce some new colours and to make some minor tweaks to the diary. So now we have a better range for you. So if you have a big goal in mind and you need a framework and a process and some motivation, then I highly recommend you get one of these diaries before they all sell out once again. And you can get yours at thiary dot com. And if you want the link, the link is in the description below. This again is not a narrative that people will love. Because we all want to get

1:07:31 Good at catching. Yeah. It weirdly, this is very, very adjacent and almost unlinked, but it's somewhat linked. Um I sat here with Julian Treasure. He did two TED talks. One about speaking. Right? Forty million views.

1:07:43 What about listening? Two million views. It's almost kind of similar to like the catching and throwing. And and actually when I sit here with spies and I've interviewed some of the world's leading spies, and I say, How is it that you're able to get people to do whatever you want that have just met you in foreign lands and hand over their secrets? They say, Listening. Yeah. It's all about the listening.

1:08:04 I go in a taxi and I listen to them for eight weeks as they offload because no one listens. And it kind of got me thinking about this is like no one focuses on the throwing. Yeah. And actually that becomes the great competitive advantage. Right, exactly. Yeah, to practice. I love the idea of world famous spies, because you would think that that's sort of an oxymoron. I would imagine the world's greatest spies we have no idea who they are. Um but but part of it links to one of the books you wrote, which is called The Dip. We're talking about delusion here.

1:08:32 And how to know if you're delusional or if you're just going through the dip. So I've got uh some Images here, but I think it's a good thing. How does someone listening know if they should give up on something? Or if it's just the inevitable rough patch that you go through when you start and you're bad. Okay. So the dip describes something in the world that no one had talked about in the book before, which is the power of quitting.

1:08:56 What is the dip? The dip is the hard part in between starting And getting good at it. The dip is Organic chemistry on your way to being a doctor.

1:09:06 And You gotta get through it. To get to the other side. The dip. Is

1:09:11 The gym in March. If you want six pack abs, you can't quit the gym. And February.

1:09:18 Which you joined during the holidays. You're gonna have to get to The hard part. And so most of what we do that create value.

1:09:26 Has a dip in it. And my argument is you should A see the dip before you start. You should say If I'm gonna drive this car across the Dagobi Desert, I can't

1:09:36 wine when I can't find a gas station. There are no gas stations in the Gobi Desert. There's a dip. Pack what you need to get through the dip, or don't start. And number two When the dip shows up.

1:09:51 Say thank you. Because it means you hit the hard part. It means This is the beginning of getting to the other side. Don't complain about organic chemistry. You knew organic chemistry was coming. Organic chemistry is part of

1:10:03 the process of becoming a doctor. As my friend Gabe says, It's not An obstacle in the way. It's something Along the way.

1:10:12 And it's a signpost that you're on the way. So your question then is Should we quit. Has anyone ever made it through this dip before? If this is a dip like organic chemistry, where every single doctor in the world has made it through.

1:10:28 Now you know. You know this is coming. And you know if you make it through, you're gonna get to the other side. On the other hand No one that I know of has ever

1:10:36 smoked their way through emphysema. That when emphysema shows up, it's not a dip. And continuing to smoke is not gonna make you better. It's what made you worse. It's a cul de sac. It's a trap. And so what we look for when we're talking to people about this journey, this delusion, this problem we're trying to solve is

1:10:57 What does it usually cost to get through a dip like this one? Do I have the resources to get through it, or am I just throwing good time and good money after bad? But if you got a business that's losing money and losing money and losing money and losing money, and there's no evidence that putting more money into your thing is going to get you to the other side, that's a culture. Forgive yourself. The old self. Who started the wrong business.

1:11:18 Say Thank you. Thank you for having the right insight. But it wasn't correct for This world

1:11:25 Today. I forgive you. I'm gonna go quit. And do something else. Yeah. And the evidence could be as you say. Small.

1:11:35 Yeah. So If we think about the business. If you had a retail shop. Or restaurant. The ones that succeed.

1:11:44 Ninety five percent of their profit goes to the landlord. And the ones that fail, 102% of their profit goes to the landlord. That's the only difference between failing and not failing in one of those businesses. The landlord's job is take as much as they can of your profit. But not too much that you go out of business. So

1:12:03 Someone's got a four year lease. They're two years into it. They're not making rent. They're losing money every single day. And they have a sunk cost.

1:12:11 Which is I gotta pay for the next two years of this storefront. Whether or not I'm in Here. But you can quit. Because you can forgive that.

1:12:21 Two years you you have to pay? You decided that Two years ago. That's not A new thing. That's an old thing.

1:12:28 Are you really gonna spend the next two years of your life punishing yourself because you made a decision? a few years ago and signed a bad lease and built the wrong business on the wrong street in a system that doesn't support you? Why? You can't get those two years back. But we can take a deep breath and say, Yeah, I'm gonna leave this place empty and go build something. really useful over here.

1:12:47 And I'll come out way ahead. Compared to defending That old decision. Hang on a minute. Seth, when I went to the gym this morning

1:12:56 There was quotes written on the wall. And the quotes are like this one here. Can you read that out for me? If you quit once, it becomes a habit. Never quit. It's a Michael Jordan coin. Michael Jordan. Yes. I'm never gonna have an argument with Michael Jordan, but he's wrong.

1:13:12 And it's very clear that he's wrong. He doesn't Play. Professional baseball anymore. He doesn't play. Professional golf.

1:13:19 Nor does he play professional basketball anymore. Because Human's age. And he did a thing. But then he stopped doing the thing'cause it wasn't productive anymore.

1:13:30 And when we think about our fuel He used as an athlete. A couple things. Hall of Fame speech. It's just a long list of

1:13:43 chips he's had on his shoulder for his whole career. That's fuel. Based on who he was and how he grew up. That's how he gets on the court. And the second one was never quit. So if those two pieces of fuel Help you become the greatest basketball player of your generation?

1:13:58 I'm not gonna argue with you. If that's Getting you where you need to go. It's up to you. But for most people

1:14:05 It's resistance. And a trap. It's Shame. It's getting stuck in a knot.

1:14:12 It's all of the butts, right? I wanna be a successful business person, but I can't admit I was wrong. Mm. more businesses than most people who are listening to this. I've failed more times than most people are listening to this. If I was still running the light bulb fundraising company I started in Nineteen eighty seven? I wouldn't be talking to you today.

1:14:34 It it's funny because there's this weird paradox that's so obvious to all of us, but Um still people believe this idea of never quitting. And the paradox that I'm pointing at is The minute someone starts something, a new company, a new job, a new relationship, we celebrate. But we also intuitively know that in order to start something like a new job or a new relationship, You have to do something before that. Which is quit the other thing. Never quit.

1:14:58 But we celebrate starting. Theoretically then we should celebrate the quitting just as much as we celebrate the starting because they are fundamentally interlinked. Correct. But only quitting the right stuff. You don't want to celebrate someone who quits the marathon at mile twenty five. Because what they failed to do in their training was become the kind of runner. Yeah.

1:15:18 C's That the people who finish the marathon figure out where to put the tired. But that's not the same as working for an abusive boss,'cause your boss is never gonna stop being abusive. And so You can say this can't get better.

1:15:32 And every day I come here and subject myself to this trauma. It's costing me. It's reinforcing a system I don't believe in. And I can get tomorrow back again. What you've described there.

1:15:43 Sounds a lot like um Something I wrote about. In uh in my last book, which was just a quitting framework. For this exact situation people find themselves in,'cause I know what people are saying that are listening. They're all saying, How do I know when to quit something? So I made this framework which I'll throw up on the screen. And actually the example I use is the marathon.

1:16:00 I mean this is the framework, you can see it for yourself, and I'll just sort sort of give you the voiceover. But if you look down the the left side, I'm referring to a marathon there. And what I'm saying is when something is hard, that is not reason enough to quit. Like a marathon in Male Twenty three, when you're raising money for a Charity that means a lot to you. When you should quit is when something if you go down the right hand side, is when something sucks, like you've said about the toxic boss, and critically The effort it would take to change it is not worth the thing on the other side. Exactly right.

1:16:30 'Cause people that's what people will say. They'll say, How do I know when to quit something? How do I know? Like, you know, how do I know when to quit the job or to Right, and you can question your judgment because if you have a history of quitting because in the short run it was tough. as opposed to looking at whether it was worth it. You can

1:16:48 Find a coach or peers who can challenge you on that. Mm-hmm. So I was one of the Leading makers of DVDs. for book publishing companies. back in the brief moment when they do this. I worked with Fisher Price and we made a DVD for parents and stuff.

1:17:02 And then This day shows up. And it becomes very clear. That book publishers aren't going to do more of this. 'Cause the internet's here.

1:17:11 They're gonna do less of this. So every day I would be defending what I had built. As a D V D producer. was completely wasted. Yeah.

1:17:21 So Forgive yourself. I didn't change the world. Somebody else changed the world. But it's not gonna get better. This is

1:17:28 A cul de sac, it's a dead end. Thanks for doing this. Let's start something else. 40s, fifties. That are in jobs that have Not made them fulfilled for a decade. But they're twenty years in, they've climbed the ladder, they're director.

1:17:44 Right. So they have some costs because they've earned the spot. a whole bunch of entanglements like I wanna have a job that fulfills me, but I also like this car and this house. I want to have a job that fulfills me

1:17:58 But I also like my neighbors thinking I'm this stable, respectable person. I wanna have a job that It fulfills me. But I have all this other stuff I have to pay for. But if we

1:18:08 Look at those butts. We realize you just made the choice. To stay in this job. So you don't have to fret about it anymore. You've accepted. that you made that choice. The alternative is

1:18:20 Move to a two bedroom flat. Eat rice and beans. Take a deep breath. reset all these things and now you can get a different job. That's gonna pay you half as much.

1:18:29 Because you gave up. The butts. Right? A job that fulfills me. will give me a better relationship with my family, will give me hope for the future, will give me a chance to make X, Y, or Z happen in the world.

1:18:42 That's Hard Because you can't have The butts. You gotta let them go. In that scenario.

1:18:49 You know, I d I okay, I have the car. I have the the business card which is impressive to people. I get invited to nice things, but I'm miserable. Right. So What do I do?

1:18:58 I've got a community I've built around this identity that is on this business card, but I'm miserable, Seth. Right. The magic of this process is if you announce Through this. That it's a situation.

1:19:11 That all these other things are so important to me that I cannot change my job. Suddenly your job gets a lot better. Mm. Because you're not bridling against it, you chose it. Mm.

1:19:23 And so if you talk to people I I I've g I gave a couple of talks for people who are in the funeral industry, undertakers. Most of us would not sign up for that job. as high school students at the career fair. Right. But the people who stick with it.

1:19:39 They're not sitting there saying, This is horrible. I hate being around dead people. They're saying All the stuff that I get in my life. This is Part of it. It comes with it.

1:19:51 Just like getting tired in the marathon comes with it. If I want to have this life where it's stable, where I don't have to move around, where a member of the community, where the cash flow is assured. And I get to be an undertaker. Within that structure. How do I be the best undertaker I could possibly be?

1:20:08 As opposed to wishing. Then I would get a call from Michael Jordan who wants me to run his financial empire or something,'cause it's not gonna happen. I get to be. You're you're taking back control from the situation. You're shifting from victimhood to control remarkable couple of stats that I read about this idea of feeling like you have control and how it changes your outcomes in your life. Um the first stat is people who believe they are in control.

1:20:34 And have you. control over the happiness, rate their overall life satisfaction. An average. Of seven point four out of ten, compared to those that don't feel like they have control over their situation, who rate their life satisfaction at five point six. Yep. People who report low overall happiness are five times more likely to feel

1:20:54 Like their own personal situation is entirely outside of their control. I mean this one's it was a landmark study they did in Care homes. In a famous nineteen seventy six study elderly residents given plant care and small daily choices that they could make

1:21:09 With Fifty percent less likely to die. Over an eighteen month period compared to residents Whose care was fulled for them. Yeah. Crazy. The power of feeling like you have control in your life. Right. And also I don't know the stats, but when they give

1:21:25 Uh people in hospice control over their painkillers. As opposed to them having to wait for someone to give them a painkiller. They don't necessarily take more painkillers, it was knowing they can do it.

1:21:36 Same thing back to the meetings thing. If you have a job where you're going to meetings all day where you just have to sit like this, you've lost control over your day. And I'm not here to say there's no cost to switching. There's huge cost to switching. That's why you chose not to switch until now. But let's name it. Let's say.

1:21:52 Yeah. Gravity is fascinating because it's here, but if I was on a planet that didn't have gravity or had low gravity, I would miss this gravity because I've built my whole life. around gravity being this consistent thing. I get to live on a planet with gravity. I get.

1:22:08 to be the kind of organism that's gonna die before he's a hundred. If you look at the world that way. That that's inevitable and I get to inhabit each day the best I can. You're gonna have a different life than if you're spending All your time trying out how to live forever.

1:22:23 I'd never had that painkiller study before, but as you're speaking, I just pulled it up and it says it's one of the most famous real world demonstrations of how the perception of control alters your physical and psychological experience. When hospital patients are given a button to self-administer pain medication, two incredible things happen. Number one is they consume Equal or less painkillers. Number two. They report lower pain levels and higher satisfaction. The physical pain itself doesn't magically change, but the stress of helplessness.

1:22:51 Amplifies pain. Right. The stress of helplessness. I mean it goes right back to what we're saying about the not in your new book, which is a lot of us are living with the stress of helplessness, but sometimes not always, but sometimes that helplessness is

1:23:07 In part story. I would say It's always a story. Because we can look at someone. Who

1:23:15 is in human bondage. We can look at someone who's You know. Through trauma and we are projecting What we would feel in that situation.

1:23:24 There are all these unfair situations around there. But then The question is what is our narrative? What is our narrative of How are we living this day? What do we actually have control over?

1:23:37 And what situations are we choosing? To stick with Because most of us have the freedom To shift. Right? And so

1:23:46 It's a story we tell ourselves that might not change the outside world. In the short run. But what it does Is it gives us this feeling of agency.

1:23:55 Which then gives us a sense of responsibility, which then amplifies into choice. And My whole

1:24:05 How can I help people do better? I wanted to throw another quote at you here. This one is about meaningful work. So If you could read that as well. For Warren Buffett. In the world of business

1:24:17 The people who are most successful are those who are doing what they love. I've heard that a million times. Do what you love. Yeah, it's backwards. Sorry, Warren. The people who are the most successful

1:24:31 Love. What they do. What's the difference? Well. Doing what you love means there's an amusement park out there that has all the treats I love and all the best prizes. Of course I love it.

1:24:43 The other is a choice. I Shows. Because I love it.

1:24:50 There was a guy who worked at The Dean and Deluca Cafe in Midtown. And he was Developmentally challenged. And

1:24:57 He was probably fifty years old. He was the mayor of this dean in Deluca. He was the guy who cleared the tables and kept the things straight. He loved this job. Yeah.

1:25:07 You and I would have laughed at Fifteen minutes. І не счав дисчап кзій десид. To love this job. The Rev had a great quote about it.

1:25:16 Street sweepers. And he said. If you have to be a street sweeper, at least choose to be the best street sweeper. In that situation. Under these conditions.

1:25:25 That it's possible to be. And the reason is not'cause you want to help the street sweeping company. It's'cause your day's gonna go better if you do that. I was thinking he also meant potentially, although he you know, I guess he didn't clarify but the way that I perceived it was that if I become the best street sweeper, not to say that's that's not an important job, it increases my possibility of becoming Something else as well.

1:25:46 Uh. Being promoted, being Yeah. Dare I say picked. To be something else. Or to start my own street sweeping business, or to you know I'm gonna build a great relationship with my customers and my and I think they rhyme and dance with each other. Yeah. They don't contradict each other. And

1:26:01 So All of us have had a job. Where we thought it was a good job. And someone Doing the same job down the aisle.

1:26:08 He did it. Or vice versa. So clearly it's not the job. It's Where did we come from? What are we afraid of? What do we believe? Where are we going?

1:26:18 That creates the story. That opens the door. For possibility. Well I guess some of these other quotes link to it then. I mean they kind of all say the same thing.

1:26:26 But let's do this one. This is a famous Mark Twain quote that probably everybody's heard. If you get a chance. Talk to your A I favorite AI about Mark Twain quotes. The most mostly fake. Well it's it's it's a great conversation. The two most important days of your life are the day you are born.

1:26:43 And the day you find out why. I've heard that a lot as well. And my small shift is not the day you find out why. It's the day you decide. Why?

1:26:55 Because this isn't something you're born with. This is something you choose. And if you make the decision Like my friend Jacqueline. To say

1:27:05 There are four hundred million people on this earth who are making three or four dollars a day. I'm gonna devote A generation in my life. To helping them. You can go do that. And

1:27:18 Most people don't have The head start. Most people aren't starting at mile twenty of the marathon. Some people are starting behind others, but we still get to decide based on who we are, what we know, what we've got access to. Which problems are we gonna solve? And who's gonna benefit from us solving those problems?

1:27:35 That is what I think Twain was trying to get at. And my last one. This one. From a a very famous guy whose device I'm using right now. The only way to do great work is to love

1:27:48 What you do. Bingo. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. Who is that? That's Steve Jobs.

1:27:56 And I I think The keep looking part. Might mean Look inside. Don't look over there.

1:28:05 Why is it that you don't love what you do right now? Let's Unnot that. First. Is it'cause you're being

1:28:12 Disrespected? Is it because the external narrative of what's happening is undermining who you hope to be. If we can get clear about that. Finding the next thing gets way easier. You're not

1:28:26 giving in to this lottery of hoping you get picked by the next right boss. You can go hire a boss. And when you hire the right boss Your job. is transformed.

1:28:37 At the heart of a lot of this is This word perfectionism. Mm. That's a that's a big knot. Well you know, I when I th thinking about the young lady that came up to me in the Apple store the other day and told me that she's been thinking about her podcast for two years and she's been working on it for two years, but it's never been published yet. What I heard there is perfectionism maybe as a form of procrastination.

1:28:57 Perfectionism is a trap. Every time. Perfectionism has nothing to do with quality. So the word quality has a very specific meaning. It doesn't mean luxury.

1:29:06 It means meets spec. So The quality of A nineteen ninety eight. Toyota Selica was higher.

1:29:15 than the quality of a rolls voice in nineteen Ninety eight. Because the pieces fit together better. They met spec. Wasn't all over the place. If you're not happy with the quality

1:29:25 Make the spec better. But perfectionism Says Perfect. Feels

1:29:32 Like an honorable thing to Pursue. But perfect is unachievable. So if I announce I'm a perfectionist, I'm hiding.

1:29:41 I'm never gonna need to ship this because it's never gonna be perfect. One of the other words that I think does tie people in knots as well is this word authenticity. Yeah. Because authenticity is qu is a terrifying concept when you really think about it. What do you think of this idea? It's a trap and authenticity is for amateurs. Your friends need you to be authentic. Your family wants you to be authentic.

1:30:02 Nobody else. Professionals are not authentic. Professionals are consistent. Professionals make a promise and they keep it. So If you're having knee surgery, you don't want the doctor to authentically be in a bad mood and screw up. You want them to be the best version of themselves.

1:30:18 Even if they don't feel like it. And Keanu Reeves? He's not authentically Neo. He's an actor. He's pretending to be neo. If he was

1:30:30 playing Keanu Reeves in the movie it wouldn't be any good. On social media, if you're gonna show up and show up and show up, unless you're a diva, then we're watching you self destruct, that's what we're paying for. You know, like Amy Winehouse or something. Everybody else. We want them to be.

1:30:46 Consistent. And consistent means you made a choice. About the promise you're gonna make. And you keep The promise over and over again. So when I'm writing my blog

1:30:58 I am playing the role of Seth Goten the Blogger. It is not authentically how I felt in that moment. It's my best version. of what I think Seth Goden the blogger would say today. And We've spent time together. I like you a lot, but I don't know you. And that's for your friends and your partner.

1:31:17 So Authenticity. As a buzzword. Is a version of resistance. It's one more way to hide. We say, Oh, I was just being authentic. No, you were just being a jerk. And that's why I rejected you,'cause you chose to be a jerk, not'cause

1:31:32 You were authentic. We say I can't write the next novel because it wouldn't authentically Be who I am. Well, yeah, but the people you're writing the novel from don't know you. They just want to read the next Perry Mason novel.

1:31:44 Right that Ralph. Get out of the circle were in, because that's what they came for. In some way these two things are somewhat interlinked. I was thinking, you know, as a podcaster, I know that I'm gonna have to do

1:31:57 If I wanna sort of accomplish my goals and continue to have this life, I'm gonna have to do thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of episodes. And one of the ways that I'm gonna be able to do that is by being As authentic as I possibly can. Because it's very I find it to be very exhausting to To be inauthentic in that way. One like very practical way that I mean that is when I look at my guest booking request list that my team sends me, I go down there and I look at all the people, I go, Oh my God, okay, so that person's got a hundred million followers and they're a super famous person. I've never watched their movies, I have no idea who they are because I don't really watch many movies. But you know. I guess I could be authentic and pretend to care about that thing, but then this principle comes into my mind, which is, well, then I wouldn't be able to do this for a long time. I wouldn't be able to be consistent if I didn't make those

1:32:40 Dare I say authentic decisions. For me to sit here and try and be someone else in those hours and hours and hours times by ten thousand episodes, I wouldn't be able to be consistent. Thank you for calling this out. Contradict what I said. It's really important we highlight this. You should not sign up for something.

1:32:58 Where you cannot Happily be consistent. So let's think about a teacher. The teacher knows everything they're teaching. The students know nothing they're teaching. So the empathic solution is not to authentically talk about

1:33:12 Whatever's interesting to you. is to create the conditions for you to teach people So that they can start to get closer to where you are. That's a commitment, not an authenticity thing. It's

1:33:24 What kind of taste am I going to bring so I can consistently make a promise and keep it? That needs to rhyme with what you would do If it was your hobby. But it shouldn't be your hobby. When you turn your hobby into a business, you ruin both of them.

1:33:39 So do I conclude then that It's this sort of dance between Me and my authentic self and the thing that I can do to be consistent at this goal. Is it a dance? It's a dance because people who are happy Find Consistency that rhymes.

1:33:56 with their overall authentic self. And their overall authentic self, it turns out Changes over time. Based on the promises they made. So if you hang out with people on Wall Street

1:34:08 Even if they weren't you know, loud and short cycle kinds of people when they got the job. They authentically became like that. Because that's who they were surrounded by. Affiliation status.

1:34:20 We change. We're not who we were. And so we get to pick this arc. It cost me a lot. Coming out of business school.

1:34:30 Entrepreneur. in the creative business. Not joining um you know Apple or Activision or something like that. So for years I was behind on the status ladder. Of my peers. That's an investment.

1:34:44 On the long arc of quote authentically becoming the kind of person I wanted to be all day. But I said to myself. If I have to make a promise.

1:34:52 to an engineering company that I'm gonna be Dilbert all day every day. I'm gonna die. A little bit inside until it's over. And I don't want to do that. All industries are changing. AI.

1:35:06 Wha what are your thoughts on this crazy new technology that is So my background here is Uh when I was at Stanford in nineteen eighty three, I took a PhD course with Doug Lennot. who was one of the fathers of AI. I worked with Isaac Asimov and Arthur C Clarke.

1:35:22 in my first real job. So I've been a science fiction AI, my whole life. Mm. And so

1:35:29 Finally showed up. Yes, it's finally here. And I've been writing about it for a while. I did some AI related products. Here's my Two big ideas. Number one

1:35:39 This is the biggest change. In our world since electricity. And number two Either you work for AI or AI works for you. And what do I mean by those two things?

1:35:52 There are companies that And workers in eighteen ninety who said, Ah, I'll wait for electricity to go away. I'm just gonna keep being a blacksmith or whatever it is. That did not work out very well. This is like that. But much, much faster.

1:36:07 And then the AI thing is If you work for an AI. It's not going to be secure. And it's not gonna make you happy.

1:36:15 Because Bosses are gonna keep pushing. And you to be a gig worker. For all the parts of the air I can't do yet.

1:36:24 But if you can say I use AI to connect humans. I use AI to build a network of people. We don't know how to replace networks of people. And AI is never gonna be able to replace networks of people. If you are trusted

1:36:37 And connecting. and leading using whatever AI tools you want. You're never gonna have trouble making a living. And so that's what you say, okay. If I have these tools.

1:36:48 How do I Use them not to be a junior smaller version. of open AI. but use them the same way that the movie theater used electricity. Right.

1:36:59 The electric company brought electricity to lots of businesses. But it took a movie theater. to figure out how to get you to pay five dollars to see the movie. You used the word people and humans within that answer and it made me made me sort of think that actually maybe the great opportunity in

1:37:12 In a world of artificial intelligence is not to try and be The world's best. Accountant because maybe the intelligence is gonna be great at that, but all the human stuff. Correct. All the human and the people stuff. Yes. Exactly right. Good taste.

1:37:26 Understanding Who trusts you and why? There are very few jobs where if I can write down what you do all day I can't find an AI to do it faster and cheaper than you. Interesting.

1:37:38 So you want a job where I can't write down what you do all day. And then you'll be fine. Well the quiet quit is Well I mean so if you think about what does a bookkeeper do? I can write down all the rules of bookkeeping.

1:37:51 and hire a different bookkeeper tomorrow and my business isn't gonna fail. That's something AI's gonna get really good at really fast. Because once we can write down rules. AI knows how to follow them. On the other hand, the

1:38:05 Somebody The way you were talking about. Um your good taste about who the next guest should be? You can't write down the algorithm for how to do that. You're

1:38:15 Awareness of the world you're in. The fact that you have read so many books, met so many people, talked to so many. Listeners. I can't write all that down with instructions. To get Claude to do that for me.

1:38:29 I was thinking about my fiance actually, she runs a a business called Barley Breathwork and what she does is she takes women away on these retreats for seven days. And I see these these the the sort of feedback and the testimonials and the videos that these women sent and they love it. Mm-hmm. I always say to her, Don't worry about it. Mm. Is each other.

1:38:47 Yeah. And When we let the computer networks take over. It keeps pushing us away from each other. It pretends we're connecting on social media. But

1:38:56 People are more lonely than ever before. But when we figure out how to connect human to human We create Value. And

1:39:05 Ultimately if you want to make a living You're gonna have to create value. And the bosses that are right now Cost reducing as fast as they can. Have no imagination.

1:39:15 They're saying oh This is cheap super offshore labor. It's called a computer. I can get rid of four hundred Customer service reps. They're racing to the bottom. Some people are racing to the top. How can I make this more human?

1:39:28 How can I make it so that now that I've augmented Doctors with these AI tools. They're gonna spend more time per patient, not less time per patient. Mm. That patients that

1:39:39 Have doctors to spend more time with them. Are more satisfied. So That's a business advantage. 'Cause now I someone can either stay home, talk to Doctor Google and figure out what's wrong with them and never go to the doctor.

1:39:51 Or Then go to an actor that's worth paying for. Because That doctor. has an AI working for them.

1:39:58 Yeah. It's very true. Is that Anything else. In the knot.

1:40:07 That we haven't talked about. That we should have talked about. Obviously I want everyone to go and buy the book. Um I I I love what you did on here. I think this is probably worth just sp spending a second on. Yeah.

1:40:18 I mean, do you know when you see an idea and you just wish it was yours? This is one such example. Yeah, that's the names of all the people who pre ordered the book. From my site. Use a a gray tone. So it if you look at it from a distance just right, it says the word purpose as in what is the project you're trying to do. Let me close with the story of of Dame Fina Cooper.

1:40:41 Mm. Because A lot of times We talk about You know, the personal thing, what should this Uber driver do?

1:40:47 But then there other times we talk about systemic injustice. Are we all victims? So Dame Cooper was uh An indigenous person growing up in New Zealand. And New Zealand was the last major country to be colonized by the United Kingdom.

1:41:04 And so Huge amounts of native lands. We're taken. And The uh

1:41:10 Indigenous people were disenfranchised in a lot. Of ways. It's really tragic when you think about it. And Dame Cooper. At the age of seventy eight or so.

1:41:20 Decided. She would use her status and affiliation within The tribe she was part of. To capture the attention. of the entire nation.

1:41:30 And try. Indigenous people's rights. On The agenda.

1:41:36 So you look at this and say, Here's this woman, she doesn't she's not famous, she doesn't have a lot of money. She's almost eighty years old. What could she possibly do? This is A problem

1:41:46 Or it's a situation. If it's a situation, what are we gonna do? Just live with it? But if it's a problem Let's figure out where the pieces to make progress happen. She organizes fifty people. Most of us could organize fifty people.

1:42:00 And they start marching to the capital. And They Do the work to spread. the news in advance, and day after day after day for more than a month.

1:42:11 this group of people is walking to the capital. She's on the front page. of every newspaper in New Zealand by halfway through. Now there's a hundred people. Two hundred people.

1:42:22 two thousand people. By the time they get to the capital, there are four thousand people patiently marching side by side. And they presented They're Demands, requirements, suggestions. To the parliament.

1:42:37 And Too late. Not enough. But in a very big way it shifted the culture of the entire country. Change the laws about how land was allocated. And made

1:42:48 A really fundamental difference. She didn't do that by herself. But she understood she had enough agency. The others.

1:42:58 to create a culture to show up and show up and show up with a practice So If one eighty year old woman can change An entire country. What can we do?

1:43:09 Right. to London or Washington D C and change everything. But what we can do Is

1:43:16 Find the others. come up with the story we can tell ourselves. and the others and establish a new normal. The only way the world has ever changed. Is

1:43:26 Come together. Build a culture. And repeat it. Over and over and over.

1:43:34 For some reason when you talked about that. And it was it was a very um motivating thing to hear. The the subject of death came into my mind because I again I've dropped into the world of the listener right now and I guess I asked myself, how do you create that tension to do it today and not tomorrow? Right. Because there's never gonna be a perfect time. Tomorrow's gonna be imperfect, next week's gonna be imperfect. So when faced with like Lots of imperfect options. How did you create enough tension to get

1:44:01 Whoever's listening right now to like go do it. Yeah. When the person you're dreaming of becoming meets the person You become. How's that meeting gonna go?

1:44:12 How do you become the person your future self thanked you for? Because Most of us have regret. I wish I had done something when I was twenty. Or thirty.

1:44:21 Or forty. Well. That regret's a powerful fuel. You said this to me before we started recording. About regret.

1:44:28 Yeah. And you said that It's actually not about what you want to accomplish, I think you said. It's actually about some of the things that you wish you had done. Yeah. My mistakes. Yeah. And I've had so many mistakes.

1:44:41 The mistakes I regret the most are the things I didn't do. Not the things I tried that failed. the person I didn't help. The lesson I didn't teach, the door I didn't open. Because it's easy to ignore those things and just move on.

1:44:55 But that's Our power, our leverage, our agency. is to be able to say There's a thing I could do. There's someone on that street corner who needs a hand. How do we build the thing?

1:45:07 That our future self will thank us. for doing today. And so I spent two years organizing the Carbon Almanac with nineteen hundred co authors. Full time.

1:45:16 Volunteer work. For me. And The nineteen hundred of us got something. out of seeing each other, working with each other, realizing we could do something about our understanding of

1:45:27 And then it became a bestseller in five or six countries and opened the door for many of the people who participated in it to have more leverage and to do the next thing. When I think about that day. When I said Well.

1:45:41 I could post something about this and see who shows up. It would have been super easy to say Nah, let's just go see what's on Star Trek today. But the habit, the practice of saying Okay.

1:45:53 This is the next thing. that begins this generative positive cycle and it's contagious. And that's the magic of this sort of virus. If The generative

1:46:06 Who can I open a door for? Spreads. then you're probably gonna end up living in a world that's more like the world you wanna live in. Wha why do you continue to do things? 'Cause you've y you've written more books here than I can bloody carry. I mean

1:46:19 Pete you know, I was saying to you before when you arrived that when I started my career as a marketer, which is you know that Well that website that failed turned into a marketing business, essentially. And then I and then people everybody gives you this book when you get into marketing, which is your book, This Is Marketing, and they use your ideas all the time. I mean one could say, Seth, you've done enough. Uh m maybe now is a good time to just enjoy it, they might say. Why'd you keep going? You know, when I invented email marketing all those years ago

1:46:46 I needed to do it to make a living, to eat. And It was thrill to watch an industry. Go up. Out of that.

1:46:54 But after that Writing books is a lousy way to make a living. But it's a pretty good way to make a difference. And I said don't turn

1:47:03 uh your hobby. into a business'cause you wound both of them? But it's interesting to think about turning your business into a hobby. into the thing you love to do. And if someone said I can't share ideas anymore.

1:47:16 I'm not exactly sure how I would spend my day. For me, when I hear from somebody who says I learned something Learned it from someone who learned it from someone who learned it from you?

1:47:28 That's thrilling. The only thing I'm trying to do is turn on some lights for people. Offer them some dignity. And create the next cycle. And if you sign up for that

1:47:37 I'm not sure how you can stop. No, maybe just maybe. Listen, I'm not that superstitious, but maybe there's a couple of people that found this conversation and they got to this point in the conversation for some kind of reason. And I imagine it's because they are in You know. They have their own knot somewhere.

1:47:54 So just to close off for those people who currently are in a bit of a night. It could be a job, a relationship, a situationship, whatever it might be. What is your sort of closing remarks to those people that are a bit stuck and that are on that precipice of maybe taking a leap a step forward, but they're They're tied up a little bit, like these knots are. Yeah, you're not alone. We all are.

1:48:15 Every single one of us, especially me. We're all stuck it with something. Yeah. And You can forgive that.

1:48:23 And then say Okay. Who can I contribute to today? Who can I Offer help to

1:48:29 And maybe Ask for help. And It doesn't mean that where you are is fair?

1:48:36 And it doesn't mean that what you're feeling isn't real. It is real. The only question is what will we do next? I've really sort of taken to heart this idea as well that you we talked about earlier of um Just being really clear on which voice you're serving. Mm-hmm. Because

1:48:51 Everyone's life is a noisy place, increasingly. Yeah. You know, we're we're so connected. In a digital sense, we're so connected to other people's lives. And even if someone isn't directly shouting at us and telling us what to go be and who to become, their life is. Yeah.

1:49:08 seeing them in Hawaii on a beach having a margarita shouting at me, t telling me that my life sucks and that I should change it and that I should be more like them. And in such a w noisy world, I think maybe some of the most critical advice you've you've left me with is this central idea of like Getting clear. On which voice in my life I'm gonna listen to. Yeah. 'Cause we fail, we end up in a knot when we try and Serve them all.

1:49:30 People are really lucky to have this show. The way you show up. You've been narrating this kind of journey. For years now. And you probably don't hear it often enough, but it's important and thank you for doing it.

1:49:42 Oh well that's um unbelievable compliment coming from one of my sort of personal icons, so I appreciate that a lot. The not problems can be solved. Comes out in September. If it's September, it's out now. If it's not, you can pre order it. There'll be a link um below. But I think, you know, again in the context of the world, I think Unfortunately we might find ourselves in even more knots. So this is a wonderful thing I think to buy for somebody in your life that might be in a little bit of a knot themselves. Um but also to buy for yourself If you find yourself in one.

1:50:11 Seth we have a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest leaves a question for the next, not knowing who they're leaving it for. And the question left for you. If you were given the opportunity to live forever Would you take it? No.

1:50:24 And that was quick. I think walking through the world as the only immortal Person. would be heartbreaking. And enervating.

1:50:35 And wear you out. Much faster than you think. If everyone was immortal I think we would play by different rules as a planet. And that would be fascinating.

1:50:46 But that wasn't the question. I think If you read enough science fiction you realize it. Selective immortality is a real curse. Why?

1:50:54 Because Everyone around you is dying and you're not. Every single day everyone's dying just a little bit more. And We define our humanity by our connections.

1:51:05 And we're all on this journey together and all of a sudden you opted out of the journey. You're the only person on the boat. It's not going where the boat's going. And in the short run It would be nice that my shoulders didn't hurt and that my voice was fixed and things like that. But that would get old really fast.

1:51:22 That point of c connection is so interesting because it immediately made me think about my friendship circle. I've got these five best friends I've had for the last 15 years, and we're all progressing through the life stages together. Like they've all started having kids now, and then I'm trying to have a kid at the moment. And so we're like talking about that together and we're connecting about that together. And it makes a, you know. And actually My nightmare would be to be the only one that that wasn't in that life phase right now. I feel disconnected. Yeah. Got and if I lived forever, I would yeah. No, I've I've never wanted to live forever. I think it's I think it's um People need to think about the trade offs of

1:51:57 Of everything in their life, but particularly this idea of longevity. Embracing this moment, you lose that. I highly recommend just before we do uh wrap up, people go read your blog as well. I'm gonna link that below. Thank you. So we're done. What a treat. Uh

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