Jam Gamble: How to Stop Replaying What You Said

0:00 Before we jump in, a quick word for anyone earning between half a million Or a million and beyond. Something happens to our focus. At this level of success. You've built something genuinely impressive. You're obsessed with that next milestone number, but you have too many potential ways of getting there and not enough clarity to commit and go all in with one thing. That's why I created the Mili Club, my six month mastermind for women earning over a half a million dollars in annual revenue or beyond. We dial in like you wouldn't believe. The first thing we do is we create a six-month plan. You get my eyes on it.

0:39 A personal coach to walk it out with you, and a community of women who know what you've committed to, get this way of doing business, and generously share insights along the way. Every week, every month, at every live event, we focus singularly on the plan that moves your business into that next revenue category. It's how busy fast. Founders get out of the weeds and are forced to focus on scaling in the most supportive, collaborative, and direct way possible. Applications are now open, but spots are very limited. So head to Amy Porterfield.com forward slash Millie to apply. Okay, let's jump into today's episode. Women listening, they're really good at what they do. They could do a webinar in their sleep. They could talk about their topic like it's nothing. For Many people, including myself, part of the reason why we don't know how to land a plane is because we've never been given permission to take off. When you find your voice and you stand in your power, you will be disliked.

1:38 We have to get comfortable with disappointing people. Now I'm at a point where I'm like, listen, I said what I said, I could go to bed peacefully at night, and that's what I help my clients do. I help people reclaim. Their voice. My guest today is a dear friend of mine. One of the boys. That one over there, she's big money. And it was my guest today. Her name is Amy Porterfield. Amy Porterfield's ever amazing best selling author of two weeks' notice, Miss Amy Porterfield. Today is the day you get permission to own your voice. Fully. If you've ever found yourself in a situation where you know you're playing small.

2:15 If you have been on stage and you fulfill up and you could not let go of replaying it again and again. If you've said things that you wanted to take back, if you knew that you should have spoken up and you haven't. This is the episode for you. Today my guest is Jam Gamble. Jam is a vocal empowerment coach and the founder of Slay the Mic. She spent 15 years in special education, learning to read what people are really communicating. She hosted her own show for six seasons, and she's helped thousands of people.

2:50 reclaim their voice. If you are ready to play a bigger game. This is the episode for you. Before we dive in, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to hit subscribe. And if you're listening on your favorite podcast app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, make sure to hit follow so you don't miss an episode like this. Let's jump into today's episode. I can't even believe it. Jam, welcome to the show.

3:13 In the flash. I can't believe it. You're more beautiful in person than even online. Yes, it's so true. I just love that you're here. Me too. We've been online friends for a long time. Truly, right? Since the panorama ding dong. Yes, that is actually very true. And then we did, we've we've talked before virtually. And you've been part of some of my programs and you have been on my other podcast. Yes. So this is just a reunion, but in person. Yeah, that's why when you announced and you showed the studio. I was like, great, nice studio. So when am I coming? Okay, that's true. I forgot that. I was like, and yeah, so. It was like a done deal. When she said that I'm like, Why hasn't she been on the new show yet? Yeah. So Everyone listening, you know.

3:58 She she shot her shot. Is that how you say? That's like shoot your shot. That's what I knew. I didn't even need to because I wanted to. Shooting the shot. I was like, we've done this before, let's do it again. It was almost like uh duh. Literally. I was like, that's great, beautiful studio. And when and here we are. And here we are. So I think what you do is very unique and multifaceted in your area of expertise. So I wanna start out with.

4:23 Who tell me some people you work with and how you work with them, because it's that part's fascinating to me. Yeah. When I first started back in twenty sixteen, which is crazy. Um, I thought my main client was gonna be Someone who's into event hosting being an M C the public speaker kind of vibe, right? The the persona. And then I got a client who said, I have no aspirations to be a public speaker. I wanna use my voice at home.

4:51 And I was like, wait, what? Interesting. I didn't Пип в узюньер войс ам. And that changed. Everything.

5:00 So From that point I Change my approach to not just focusing on I want to be a motivational speaker. I want to be an event event em C. I want to work with anybody who has a voice who feels that I'm the person who's gonna help them take their voice to the next level. So I have a 13 year old client who is

5:19 Going to be my meal ticket to the F one. F one. He is. Okay. I love the kid. He's going places, but he's taking me with him. Amen. That's that's what are you doing with a thirteen year old that wants to be a will be an training. He has a podcast. He just days he interviewed me last week and I was just like I bet he was really good. If he's learning from you. And you do media training with him. Yes. Okay. Sponsors. Okay. Um post race.

5:53 Ah and most importantly, like how he uses his voice. To reassure himself when things don't go as planned. Okay. Put a pin in that I want to come back to that one. That one reassure himself when things don't go as planned. Okay, we're coming back to that. Yeah. Who else do you work with? I have a client who's a politician. Who I guess Your equivalent would be like

6:14 What do you what do you Americans call your Capital like the White House? No, that not the White House. Capital. Okay, oh gotcha, okay. Our equivalent of that. Okay, I have a minister who I work with. That like even working with a politician in that capacity. In media training again. Crazy. Like to go from the kid who got into so much trouble for talking.

6:34 Now I'm working with All these people? Yes. Crazy, and then yes, I could work with the CEO. And then I could work with the person who has a nine to five. And then I could work with the woman who feels that her voice is being lost at home and she needs to reclaim it to let her husband know. Pick up your socks. Yes. Yes, yes. Wait, I need to tell everyone the reason why we said White House and Capital, you're not from the US. No. Tell everyone where you're from. I'm from Canada. Canada. Yes. So I just want to make that clear. I am actually a

7:07 I I was born in the US. Yes. I was born in the Virgin Islands. So you know, I'm just coming back and visiting some friends. I mean, born in the Virgin Islands sounds very fancy. And bourgeois. Yeah, yes, very wait. Take me back to the people you serve. You also serve female founders. I do. And what do you do with them? I'm a founder myself. Right. You know so knowing how to use our voice not only on social media, how to pitch ourselves, how to Work with our clientele.

7:36 Anywhere a founder like us needs to go with our voice, I help you feel absolutely secure. In your ability to use it, that you're not overthinking it. When you go to bed at night. Okay. Yes. Right? Why did I say that? What did I do? Yes. I when my husband and I first met. And we go to bed. Yeah. And he's like okay, good night.

7:56 Yeah. And he's snoring? And I look at him like, don't you have to overthink? Absolutely. Did somebody say something to you today that you're like? Why did I say that? Because I'm here going, mm-h. And I was still being a coach and I was still being booked as a speaker, but I was not fully like. Bodying my voice. Now I'm at a point where I'm like, listen, I said what I said, I could go to bed peacefully at night, and that's what I help my clients do. That trust your voice and how you use the end of it didn't go as planned. It's okay. Okay, this is big. You help women go to bed at night and not spiral. Why did I say that? Why did I act like that?

8:35 Why did those words come out of my mouth and you help them own it? I said what I said and they stand in confidence in that. Okay, let's talk about how the heck you get there. Yeah. So what's what's one of the first things that we need to know to get there? Cause there's a lot of women, including me, that will lay there and think. Oh why did I overshare? Or why did I get so emotional in that moment? Or I wish I could be more calm and collected and not so dramatic or whatever. Yeah. Okay, so What's one of the major things I don't know yet?

9:07 About that. We're human. And that's okay. Um We've kind of created this culture of perfectionism. in the speaking world that

9:17 Anytime you're in front of an audience, it could be one person, it could be a group of ten that you have to be on. There is no space for error. You can say um ah, you can't cry, you can't lose your train of thought. I have done all of those things, and I'm still booked. I have done all of those things and the check's already been deposited. I can't do anything about it now. It's above me now. Yeah, so it's a bow trip. So it's when I work with my clients, it's like when you went through Those emotions

9:48 Why do you think that you can't bounce back from that? Why do you think that You're less of a founder, less of a professional, less of a speaker, because. You said um or you lost your train of thought. So it's just reminding people. These things happen and it doesn't discredit. Your credibility.

10:08 Okay, so talk to me about this. Women listening, they're really good at what they do. They could do a webinar in their sleep. They could talk about their topic like it's nothing. But then sometimes they get in a situation where the conversation goes a little weird or they weren't ready for a question that was thrown at them. And it's almost like they freeze. Or they Way over talk. Yeah. What What's that skill?

10:34 To help them feel confident in those moments. I think honestly it depends on the person. Okay, not one tip that suits everybody. Okay. Uh for some people, it's unlearning what they've been conditioned to believe about their voice, hence why the person who's the rambler or doesn't know how to land the plane. For Many people, including myself, part of the reason why we don't know how to land a plane is because we've never been given permission to take off. What do you mean by that? Like we're not pilots. You know, like people are like, Oh my God, I I need to land a plant. Well, no one's ever given you the opportunity to be in front of the mic and encourage you. And now you get this chance, you're like, How do I control this thing?

11:14 You get a couple of flights in and you're like, Oh I know how what what what my beginning, my middle, and my end is. No problem. And then for the other person who freezes 'Cause they lost their train of thought.

11:28 And then you're like, Oh my God, like I can't admit that I lost my train of thought. I've done this on live television, Amy. Live Television. Fully lost your train of thought. Fully lost it. Wait, what'd you just do? You just said, I lost it. I had a teleprompter. Yes. I had to look at. I'm so

11:46 Our version of the view is called the social. Right. Okay, we're all on the couch looking cutie pat you're on the social. And I'm sitting there. And I just feel Hammer three jam. I was like, Oh.

12:02 Cam camera three. Okay. And then when I messed up, do you know what I did right after that show? I owned it. I went and I did an Instagram live. Okay. At the studio like Hey.

12:16 You probably were watching me five minutes ago live mess up, and guess what? I messed up. That's okay. So for those people they The best way I could I could describe it is like

12:29 Going to the gym, mm-hmm. And only working on leg day, but not working on any other piece of equipment. So they don't know how to bounce back. From Losing their train of thought or bounce back from not being able to land a plane. Those are human moments.

12:46 And I say this with so much love in my heart. People are not gonna remember in the morning. Amen to that. God, look at what I've built. Look at what my My my business has brought into my life. Look at all these blessings.

13:07 Jam lost her train of thought yesterday. And I'm distraught. I I gotta go back to bed. Okay, when you put it that way, it's very true. You know? No one cares. And here's the thing, people are like they're anticipating I don't want to lose my train of thought. I don't wanna mess up. I want you to. I need you to. I need you to know what it feels like. So you know that you could survive and bounce back. And be okay.

13:30 So your whole thing is get out there, make all the mistakes, and prove to yourself you can jump back in. A thousand percent. Okay. All right. Here's the thing though, let's take this a little bit deeper. All right. So many of us were

13:43 Told something as a child. Uh, I don't know what it is. But You know, it's different for everybody. But it like sticks with us, no matter how much money we make, how successful we are, there's that little voice, like you're not really good with the details, or you're not a good public speaker, or just little things that they said that we can't let go.

14:04 And I think it shapes us. It does. I call those your Kanye's. Kanye, tell me more. Yeah. So I when I started building all this I refuse to believe that people's inability to own their voice or to use it confidently

14:20 had anything to do with being unprepared, disorganized, uh In you know, the stage fright. I firmly believe that There had to have been something. So if you think back to twenty eleven.

14:34 Taylor Swift was receiving Yet another ward. Sorry sorry to the Swifties. Yeah. The way you said that, I'm like, You must not be a Swifty. Mm. Some people like red wine, some people like white wine. There you go. We got our choices.

14:49 She's receiving her award. Conne West came up on stage. Nobody remembers. What Taylor said, but we remember what Kanye said verbatim. Yes, yes. All of us have had somebody, or something in our life.

15:03 That has impacted us, that we can remember. I had a teacher I had an ex, I had a friend, I had a boss, I had a co-worker. But we don't actually take that same energy to remember when we use our voice well. Yes. And those c'est It starts to like play like a broken record in our head. And play on loop.

15:23 That It no longer sounds like the person who initially made the comment. It sounds like us. So when I work with my clients, I say, okay, write down all these things. I can't have a podcast. I can't go on stage. I can't do this Instagram live. Is that your voice? Or is it someone else's? And when you really get down to it and give yourself the time to really just listen clearly. You realize I'm not the one who's saying these things.

15:48 It's someone from my past who I'm allowing to live in my body in my vocal my vocal region rent free. It's time to evict them. Yes. And it runs deep because it's not like when you were five, someone said you can't do a podcast. It's something so much deeper that you've made it mean something. Well, I was the kid, every report card, every parent teacher interview saying Jamila talks too much. Jamila's a social butterfly. If Jamila listened more and talk less, she'd be a more academic student. Look at me now. Which camera should be all of that. All of them. Okay.

16:21 One time it stayed with me. Yes. But I realized that that wasn't serving me and I had to let it go. Okay, that that is not serving me. That's probably my biggest lesson. I don't care if the thought is true or not, if it's not serving me. It's out of my head, and I have to remind myself of that. But while you were talking, it made me think it's something. When I worked at Tony Robbins, I had a boss and she was r tough. And I remember when I was going through a really tough transition there, she said to me, Amy, you're making this all about yourself. You're all you're just worried about yourself. And so in that moment, this just like came to me like therapy. I'm very careful not to talk about myself too much. If if you put your attention on me, I'll put it back on you. And that absolutely came from that. And you can't have a huge big voice if you always think you need to deflect. Right. Like I don't want to be too selfish about it. Right.

17:11 Yeah, and I find the people who give us that advice it's because there's something in us that we don't realize we possess. That they are intimidated by. Mm. And because we don't see our potential and we don't see that bright light, they're like, I'm gonna put it out before you even realize it's been lit. Yes. And they're gonna say, Oh, you're you're you're two this. You really gotta tone it down. I in my First year of teaching

17:35 I remembered I went for all these permanent job interviews, and I was like Taking up. Oh this b Yeah. Because the way I treated those job interviews was it's an opportunity for me to talk about myself. Yes. And I was like I do this and I love that and I do this.

17:50 Didn't get any callbacks. I asked my principal for advice and he told me to dumb it down. Whoa. And I listened. I I was like, okay, let me be simple. No You know, but that was somebody who said Your light.

18:06 All of this, you are intelligent, you are creative, you are ambitious, and the people around you do not appreciate that. So you need to shrink in order for them to feel better about themselves. It's not my fault your parents didn't give you enough hugs and kisses as a child. That's not your that's not my business. Find someone to hug you. I know who I am and I'm gonna own that. Mm.

18:26 I love that. I love it. For fifteen years you worked in special education. I did. And I feel as though that was a huge opportunity for you to learn about communication that's not necessarily coming from words. Oh yeah. Can you talk to me about that? Because I feel like so much of your expertise comes from this experience. Yeah, I'm so glad you're asking that. So I I started working with children with autism. and other developments of dis disabilities since I was fourteen. Oh my gosh. Um and so I I taught for fifteen years, but I started getting my volunteer hours in high school.

18:59 And then I just never look back. And working with children who are either non speaking. Not nonverbal, non speaking. or selective mutes or use alternative communication like sign and peck symbols. I would not be the speaker or the coach I am today.

19:16 If I did not have that opportunity to learn from them and with them how to communicate other than words, body language. I direction. Um

19:28 Yeah. Just It was such a beautiful way. To see and feel words so when I'm working with my clients

19:39 I could feel the vocal roadblocks, I could feel the hesitancy, because I I was wired. Um to figure out different ways. And there's not just one way to communicate. I have to be creative. I have to go outside the box. I have to be patient. They don't want to communicate right now. That's okay.

19:58 When you're ready. there were other children I worked with who were told their parents were told your child will never speak And I had them speaking in a year. Because I had to Do things differently and not take the traditional route. And I think that reflects a lot in my practices today that.

20:16 I have some unorthodox approaches, um, but those children taught me how to be. A better human. Yes. Really. Okay, that's beautiful, but I wanna know and Um, an orthodox way of communicating. Like, what is something you teach people that some of us might be like, What?

20:35 So I love the look on your face. If you're listening to audio, come over to YouTube. What's going on? So when Teaching When teaching some of my certain clients how to work the stage. Okay, okay. You know, not stay in that one spot, stand on that X, work the stage. I call it Stripper gets their money.

20:56 Okay, okay. But the thing is, right, when you said it, I'm like, I get it. 100%. Right. Right? Because I'm not just working the poll. I'm not just. You know, I'm not just standing on this one pole and I'm just Just shaking it a little. You know?

21:12 I'm looking at Tony over there. I'm Pulling them in. I'm shimming and shaking. The money's coming all over the place. I'm I'm working down, I'm dipping, I'm taking that cash. Stripper gets their money. I'm moving. I'm bringing the stage to life. I'm connecting with everybody. Okay, that's really good. Now you can't forget a stiff stripper. Yes. You cannot be I'm not throwing dollars at you. Come over here. Come come get this twenty. Okay, that's good.

21:43 I'm just speaking from like references for movies. Like what do I know? Yes. Okay. Maybe if I was in a situation it would look different. Maybe, but that that's a good one. I like that one. You said something else that I wanna come back to. Body language. Yeah. Can you share with me some things that women especially do that they don't even know they're doing that is closing them off or Closing their voice more through body language. Gosh. Standing in one spot. Okay, that I think I stand in one spot too long. Safe behind the podium. Yeah.

22:14 Yeah, that's their safe spot. I shall be here. This is whole stage. No, no, no. I'm just gonna say. Right here, does it'm my safe spot. Work that stage. Work it, yes. Move around the stage, even um raising their hand. That's sheepish. Yeah. The facilitator ask a question.

22:35 Instead of just owning it. You know, who in here made their first six figures last year? Yes. Oh Put that damn arm up! Yeah. Yeah, I made that. Yeah, I out earned my husband. Yeah, I did that. Yes, you know?

22:51 Or in introducing themselves oh sorry I'm I'm I'm I'm rambling. I Oh my God. And then there's the tucking of the bla um let go of the blaze release the blazer. Release it. Release it. Like you did all of this work. You lost all of that sleep, you made all of those sa sacrifices, and then when someone asked you to own it. You wanna stuff your face with humble pie. Why? Why do we do it?

23:18 I wanna pause here and talk about what happens when you hit a million dollars in your business. You don't just make more money, you have a completely different kind of business. Brand new doors open, different partnerships, bigger speaking invitations. Other seven-figure founders start inviting you into rooms you didn't even know existed. It's a different category of business, and really nobody prepares you for that. That's why I created the Millie Club. It's the room and the guidance that get you there, and it's the room that's still there once you arrive. It's deep, consistent relationships with women working toward that number and women who have already crossed it. You not only prepare your business to hit seven figures and beyond. But you learn to carry it sustainably. It's one room built for the long haul, and applications are open, but spots will fill it fast. Okay, back to the episode. To make other people feel comfortable? Oh yeah. I I'm assuming? Yeah. That's not my style.

24:18 It was? It was. But for some people they're like I don't want Wanna be too much. Be too much. What okay, so you're gonna be a rarity. So you have to kind of take yourself into the mind of someone that struggles with this. No, but it was though angel. Okay, it was though. So I know what it feels like. I I'll I could go back to that old version. Okay, good. So go back to her for a second and um

24:42 She's sitting there thinking I Don't even want to be seen. I don't want to be seen. I don't want someone to hear me. Um, I'm not raising my hand that high. However, She There's a secret voice in her. She knows she could be a badass. She knows she could be. Extremely successful.

25:01 What do we tell her? Beyond just like just do it because that's They we can't. Sometimes we just can't. I literally have to close my eyes because visualizing That person.

25:12 She knows that. I've had clients who I've literally asked them who made you feel that way. Okay, right there. Who My father. Yeah. Like I just I'll know right away. Yeah. So for those listening

25:30 For me, when she said that, even though she was being hypothetical, I went for it. If you're listening right now, you know. Who did that? You know. And so I think that's part of the work because but in the words of Destiny's Child, yes, I tell people to say their name, say their name. Бізвена проти.

25:49 Who have harmed us. Oh, I see what you're saying. You know, we're going to We have to acknowledge the elephant in the room. So that the elephant could stop trampling us, yes, you know. That the reason why you are shrinking yourself is because somebody in your inner circle.

26:06 Not just your parents, it could be your partner. The amount of people I worked with and it's their partner. Yes, that that part breaks my heart. Cause you and I have great husbands, I know. Right. You like your husband. Some days. I love you, babe. But no there's some people who have partners who when they

26:25 first met they met a version of Yes. And they expected them to stay this version. And then they are stunting their growth. So that person feels equal. Absolutely.

26:39 Absolutely. And there's so much potential in front of them and they won't even ever see it. And What ha what helps a person realize is giving them the permission to say it out loud. They know. They know. They know.

26:53 I don't know what you know. That's the th You know, you know when you had your first big win. And you went to your dad. Or you went to your family and they reacted a certain way and you're like okay I'm just gonna Yes.

27:08 And you almost don't want to grow any more. So that they don't have further You know, like Ill feelings towards you. Yes. Okay, that I'm so glad you said that because I was gonna ask you, when you find your voice and you stand in your power, like you're talking about. You will be disliked.

27:26 By some people. By some people. Yeah. Great point. By some people. Not everyone. Not everyone. So A lot of us and I've dealt with this one, this one as I get older, I give Way less. Fs. I don't say the word because some people are listening with their kids in the car. But I Again, you need to be on YouTube.

27:45 But they I just care a lot less now as I've gotten older, but I wish I cared this less ten years ago. So w what is your take on that about letting go of the fact that people aren't gonna like you. Mm.

28:00 What's my take on Yeah, like uh how do you do it? How do you do it?'Cause I feel like it comes naturally to you, but you're saying it hasn't always. No, it Monday you can and maybe on Wednesday you can't. Right, right. Monday you encounter somebody who it's easy. To be like I don't care. And then Wednesday it's somebody who you've known for fifteen years.

28:19 Yes. And it feels different because you're like, Wait a second, like you're my bestie. Yeah. Wait a second, you're my partner. Wait a second, you're my child. Right. This is not

28:31 So it's a lot harder. There's more unlearning than needs to be done. Um To the person who's like I want to but I don't know how.

28:41 We have to get comfortable with disappointing people. Ooh yeah. That was rough. In Allowing that person to have so much control.

28:51 over our emotions and how we show up in this world, we're actually disappointing ourselves. Amen. You know, and it's easier. To disappoint ourselves and to disappoint others. Crazy.

29:03 Crazy. Yes. They literally tell you on a flight in case of an emergency, put your own mask on first. Before you help others, let me help myself first. Let me free myself first. If you were not for me. Then peace be with you. That's huge. If you are not for me.

29:20 I'm just gonna let that one go. I rather have an audience of one. Yes. Than a a crowd of twenty, and I'm not sure if these people are really clapping with sincerity. Agree. Agree. Okay. That one that definitely makes sense to me and I think that's a powerful message. You've worked with a lot of people. I want you to tell me a story of someone that you watch like

29:41 fully step into this what you teach where when she came to you It didn't look like that. Can you think of any anyone? I wanna I wanna know what it looks like in real life. Actually let me give you An opposite example. Okay. Because I think this needs to be shared. It's not just the successes of the people who are now. in front of the camera or they are booked and busy. Like let's also remind remember that all of us are capable of doing this. Yes. So I was hosting an event

30:08 I invited a teacher I worked with who was In an abusive marriage. Okay. Um, and she left. So I invited her to speak on this panel called the Restart Panel. And she's on stage, she's not a speaker.

30:21 Okay. Doesn't tell she's never told her story, but she's on stage and she's hyperventilating and I'm holding her hand while she's holding the microphone telling her story. After the event, she's like Did I even make sense? Like I cried the whole time. I was like, You were incredibly Incredible. You owned it. I'm so proud of.

30:38 Following year, I'm hosting the event again, and a girl I went to high school with was like, Is this person gonna be at the event? I was like, Yeah. She's like, I need to talk to her. I'm like, I will sit you two together. She goes, No, I wanna address her in front of the room. Oh Can you please tell me what you're gonna say? Yeah. So she tells you. Mike Fine. The floor's all yours. And she came on the stage and she's like

30:57 to the person last year. You sat on this stage and you shared your story. And I know it was so hard for you. And I saw how emotional you were in in in speaking your truth. And what you didn't realize was I was sitting in the audience and I was crying not because your story

31:14 You know, it it really impacted me, but your story was my story. I've been in in an ab abusive relationship for six years and I didn't know how to leave, but I heard how you left. And because of you sharing your story, it gave me the faith to leave three months later. Okay, that's it. So I just wanted to say thank you. So it had nothing about how she delivered it. How strong her voice was, it was the fact that she had the courage to do it. The reason why I share that is that there are so many people who think that they have to be someone in order to have a voice that has impact. If you are a human with a heart and a message and a story

31:48 You have to start a pack, that's enough. Yes. She didn't know she could do it, but she did it. She didn't think her words impacted anybody. In sharing her story, she helps another person flee. Absolutely. I mean that's huge. It's huge. Yes. So yes, I love that we we celebrate the the women who are doing big things, but there are people who are doing Also big things that are You know, behind the scenes.

32:14 That they are saving lives, they are impacting women, and and we're grateful for that. Now The woman that you described, I mean. She's I feel like What's the Jenner Mom? What's her name?

32:28 Uh Chris Jenner. I am a Chris Jenner with my clients. I'm there like you're doing great. Yes. And everyone needs a Chris Jenner. Yes. Exactly. I have one woman I could think of who

32:41 The thought of being on stage. And having to spotlight And taking up space for something she was conditioned to believe she can never do. Yes. Yes. She did the work, she built the business hella successful, and now it is your turn to get on the stage and tell everybody what you did.

32:56 And she got on that stage and she told her story, and when she got a standing ovation. And she looked and she's like Mm. Oh my gosh. And I was just like You're a proud mama. Yes.

33:10 А це, Вор сор. And we know in our spirit we want that applause. Yes. But we don't think we could Own it. In real life. Right.

33:24 Okay, that's and then when you get to feel it and see it, it's life changing. You it's like you go back for more. For sure. No. I was just thinking when you were saying that of a piece of advice I was given the first time I ever went on stage. It was from a man. No, ch that part doesn't really matter, but I'm gonna tell you the piece of advice and I want you to

33:44 Tell me if you think it's great advice or bad advice. Okay. So I was going on stage for the very first time. I remember exactly what I was wearing. It was this really ugly khaki dress. I thought it was super cute. Okay, so can you tell that story again without saying it was an ugly dress? Then you said it was super cute. Take it from the top. Five, six, seven, eight. So I went on stage and I was wearing this very cute khaki dress. And Um I had I remember this very specific necklace that I chose for it. And I had to do it. Was it like those necklaces from like the two thousands? We know those necklaces. You know exactly. I know exactly. Okay, so I had the necklace on and I got up on st well, right before I went on stage, I was terrified. Like never had I been on stage to speak. And there might have been a hundred people there. And so I told the guy that was putting it on the event, I am so nervous. And the advice he gave me was You're nervous because you're making this all about you. And if you made it about the people you were going to serve when you go out there, you're not nervous at all. Yeah. You believe that. I do. Okay, good. All right. I do. So making it more about the people you're serving.

34:46 Every time I'm about to hit a stage, whether it's in my car or back stage, I say a prayer to God. And I said, Give me the words that needs to land on the spirit that needs it today. Ooh, say that one more time. That's great. That I need to say that's gonna land on the spirit that needs to receive it today. This is not. I I'm working for you. I'm working through you. Let me go out. Whoever needs to receive this word, I'm not just focusing on wowing the room.

35:13 There might be You know, five hundred people, and only ten people. Actually receive it. My job here is done. Yes, you know, I don't want to go out and be the best speaker. I want to go out and and speak in a way that somebody sees themselves. They hear something that they've been desperately waiting to hear from someone. It makes them smile, it makes them feel seen and valued.

35:35 I'm just a vessel. This is not about me. Absolutely. I I I agree with this man. Okay, good. I wasn't sure where you're going with that. So good. Okay, because I've always taken that with me. And it does help me immensely. Just takes the focus off me. Um, okay, so I've heard you talk about the fact that if let's say I'm in a meeting and I say something, and I'm like, why did I say that? Then I go to bed and I can't sleep and it's all I'm thinking about. But I've heard you say that. replaying it could make you sharper instead of replaying it to just like you know, crap all over yourself and make yourself feel bad. How could replaying it over and over again make you sharper, though? Because I'm picking up onto things that I was missing that I did well.

36:16 Mm. Okay, right? Like When I watch Law and Order. Best show.

36:23 Ever and they're like telling the person, Okay, close your eyes, let's walk back through the scene. Yes, yes. Did you see Oh, it was a green shirt. Oh, it was that. So when we're lying in bed, like I did this wrong, I said too much of this. Actually Wait a second. I loved how I introduced myself. I love how I handle that question. I love how I moved around like we could find good.

36:46 Yes. Not just like all the things that went wrong. I have a coach that used to say You have to give equal airtime to the good if you're gonna focus on the bad. And I think that's so true. I don't know what the fifty fifty is. I just know that I I'm gonna find something. I did well. And if I can't, well, at least I looked great.

37:05 I learned that from a professor. I handed him my my exam and I was like Yeah. S Ha ha I'm gonna use that for this one.

37:16 Thank you. You are right. So now, like if I bombed it on stage, I mean in the photos, I look good. And everyone thinks I look good too. Okay, so done. And we don't need to say anything else about that. Okay. I do love that. I do. Um, let's talk about Pricing. So yeah, this is a big one.

37:35 Let me pull up the shrimp. Right, right. This is a big one. A lot of women are undercharging And specifically, they get on sales calls. And they feel guilty about the price and they take it down like in the moment. discounting, taking the price down, or just never even getting it to a place that they should. Mm-hmm. Talk me, what is happening and what do we do about this? I have an operations manager, that's her job. Oh

38:00 Oh, what do you mean? That stresses me out, Amy. Okay. I'm not gonna sit here and act like I owe my voice everywhere. I mean I think sometimes when I'm On a call with a woman, that's when I sometimes soften my number and I interesting. But it's a dude give me the fifty K. No qu actually it's six. You know what, Frank? Seventy-five. Exactly. And the boat. Yeah. And the boat. Yeah. Yeah. Cause I because I know Fred wants me to look at him like Fred's had the money. Give me the money, Fred. But with women, I'm like, oh my God, we're both founders.

38:37 And it stresses me out. My cortisol levels go like through the roof. I got people for that. I got people for that Amy. That's interesting. So you're like, actually, Amy, I take myself out of it. Okay. I love that I'm gonna say something Say it, say it. It's a safe place.

38:58 So There was a time. Uh What?

39:05 As a black woman, yes. It's sometimes really hard for me. to state my price because I have encountered many people who do not think I'm worth what I'm asking for.

39:20 They will give it to Somebody else, but I need to prove to them. And sometimes in the name of not losing that gig or losing that connection. I will do that. Not because I don't know my value, but I I I I I wanna secure this. I wanna have this opportunity.

39:36 So One of my previous operations managers We used I would have a rate and then She would have a rate and then we'd say it at the same time, but then we turned it into a game. And I was like, what? What?

39:49 Uh. White women charge. Oh and she goes, Nine I go, Nine it is? Okay. Cause coming in at three. Okay. All right. We didn't have the Chad energy. I had the I'm a big like CEO boss that nobody can make me question my value. Interesting. Okay. Now you don't play. I know what I want. Right. But at one point certain

40:17 situations I think it actually makes me look more expensive when I got people handling that. Oh, that's a different perspective too. I got people on payroll. Okay, I like that. Can handle that. I also think you just gave a lot of women permission that if it's not your strong suit.

40:34 We don't have to be good at everything, and we don't have to take care of everything. Wild that you just mentioned an operations manager, because I just recorded before you came to the studio how to hire an operations manager. Angels in my life. Yes. But I know my strengths. But also, it's like going to court.

40:55 You don't represent yourself, you have a lawyer, yes. Yeah. Why am I talking my numbers? I got people for that. So if I'm asking for triple,'cause I got these people on payroll. I like that.

41:07 I like that. Um I think that just opened up a lot of possibility for a lot of women. It might not be price for them, but something else. They're like, Why do I just keep beating myself to be good at it? And here's the The other thing Again, it goes back to the Kanye.

41:22 It's not just asking more money. It's asking for more time. It's asking for more patience. It's asking for more support. It's asking for more connections. And if people have said no or shut you down or made you feel that you are reckless or selfish, it's going to spill over. In other areas. So when you treat the source like I actually had this one client who I told him his homework was to go to McDonald's and order a fresh fry and take a picture of the fresh fries for me. I don't know why when he was a child, he learned to really downplay his needs. Okay. And he didn't want to inconvenience anybody. Oh. So it didn't matter if he went to a restaurant and they sent out the wrong dish, his steak was well done, it was cold, he would eat it. Cause he didn't want to bother. I did it. Yeah. So

42:09 I want people to learn how to sort themselves in. The grocery store sending back that steak. Um being at work and and challenging somebody so that when those big moments come, you're ready. Yes, I I think that's such a great lesson for for those listening. Find the things that you think are the smaller moments like not sending back the stake.

42:31 And ask yourself, where am I doing that in my business? I never thought of it that way, but it absolutely is showing. Working with children with autism. Why so apply behavior analysis. And we want them to like generalize a skill. I don't only want them to be successful in this skill at school. I want them to do it at the rec center, at home, their parents house, at camp.

42:55 So it's a transferable skill that they could use everywhere. If you could send back. This wagu steak. Yeah. That was well done. Which is criminal. Ja. Agree. It's how my husband orders a wagyu. I know, I'm embarrassed. Well this is done. He that man with that burly beard ask for a wow done. One time the chef came out to ask who who ordered my steak well done.

43:23 Yeah. I'm embarrassed, it's true. Can you believe I married him? Thank you. I'm contemplating a divorce. I'll talk to him later about that. But if you could do that, then you could tell someone, actually, no, I don't want five K, I want ten. Exactly. I agree. But somewhere along the line, somebody made you feel that asking for more is wrong.

43:46 And so you don't. And so you don't. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like that's a whole other that's a whole episode. Scarcity mindset tells us it I can't believe like I'm using a fishing analogy. Oh no.

43:58 My husband fishes, I've learned things about fishing. But like We think we caught this one fish. We're like that's it. That that's all you get. And that's all we get. Or there's patience in things. Like we have to bait the water. We don't think that we're gonna get this. Opportunity again, it will come. Just be patient. Yes.

44:17 Just be patient. We don't all marry the person that we went on a first date with. Right. What's meant for you will find you. It will find you. The money will find you, the connections will find you, the opportunities will find you, but what we're not gonna do is bend our back. Lower than a total. We're not doing that. We're not doing that. We're not doing a limbo pole. We're not we're done. We're done. We're like Okay, speaking of we're not gonna bend our back. Let's talk about escape patches in communication. So what I mean by that is Your

44:44 wanting to end a relationship with someone in work or you want to say no to something you usually say yes to. And so you start talking, but you you leave a little room open, like, well, maybe I could do it one more time. Where in your mind you're like, I don't want to ever do it again. Yeah. So these escape hatches that were pushing into a conversation, how do we stop doing that? This is the first time I'm hearing An escape hatch,'cause if I don't want to do it I'm not doing it. But most I shouldn't say most, a lot of women I work with, they're still working on their confidence in their business. So they don't want to lose the opportunity. Yes. Right. Yeah. And again, like I always encourage people take a moment to reflect.

45:25 So like if your brain or your n your your anxiety is telling you Just Leave leave the door open just just a little bit. Right, yes. Whether it's your gut, I like to call it like like my Jiminy cricket, you know? My Jiminy Cricket is saying, What's making you think that we need to keep the door open?

45:47 If there was a tornado coming, are we keeping the door? Right, just a little. Just a little. No, we're closing that why Do we feel the need to keep it a jaar? Why? It has to, in my opinion, it comes from a lack of abundance. But this is my point. I want people to ask themselves this question. Why? So like I have a benign heart condition.

46:10 Before I thought it was anxiety attacks, but turns out It's a heart condition. So when I'm when I'm having an episode, now I'm able to go, okay, what can be triggering? Is it this? Is it that Mm. Okay, it's that. Okay, fine. We don't stop and ask ourselves No never so focus on maintaining this. White knuckling, holding White Knuckling like I'm never gonna get a chance again or

46:34 Uh I don't know, d there's hope here. Abuse is abuse. Disrespect is disrespect. We're not like saying there's a chance that you can change. We all know. Tale as old as time, what happens when we when we're flexible like that. But in business, why do we feel that we need to hold on to these things? And that scarcity mindset tells us. This will never come around again.

46:59 I actually love saying no. And then being pissed off and regretting it. I love doing that now. What do you mean? So I'll be like, no.

47:08 Damn it! Why I get to Feel What it feels like. To assert myself, be pissed off about it, but then go

47:20 It's for the best. It's for the best. For the best Okay, I get that feeling. Like saying no and being like Oh God, it kills me. But then you're have to. And if you believe what's meant for you will find you, then saying no is divine intervention and protection. We have to learn how to say no. 'Cause in saying no, what are we clearing space for? So true. Yeah. I and uh how long do you see yourself lasting a business? Like I literally had a conversation with my clients. I'm like, so do you think this is just like a six to eight months?

47:50 Is it a casual relationship? I don't know, like I might go out to dinner with him one more time. I mean he's not bad. I mean like he's a little bit, but he's not bad. This client is bad! Let him go Let him go. 'Cause another client is gonna come. Yes.

48:11 But you have to believe it. Some of us need to operate in the land of the Lulu. Yeah. Delulu, Tennessee. Yes. And in the land of Delulu. I know I could say no. To that gig'cause there's a bigger one coming. It's okay. Sure, I might have to eat Wonder Bread for a couple of days. It's okay. It's coming. It's coming.

48:30 Yes, I'm gonna use my voice to speak out loud. It is coming. And so I'm not settling I'm not I settled. I know what it feels like to settle. I've been there, done that, no more. And my team won't let me settle either. More most importantly, surrounding yourself with people who see you in a different light. Yes. And wanna see you.

48:50 Just Just shattered. Shatter ceiling. Okay. Totally agree. Uh okay, so I am loving this conversation.

48:59 And I want to wrap it up with От юсі. And a lot of the women you serve That if you could just well, you do get in there and just like do your magic. What are you seeing that you're like, just let me add it. I know. I I could I could

49:18 Fix this, but fixing is a word, uh the wrong word. What word would you use? Let me in there because I know I could transform. No. What is it? I said this to a horse on Sunday. Wait, what? Yeah. Did you just say I said this to a horse? I did say this to a horse. Okay, I need detail. So I've been doing equestrian therapy for the last couple of months. Oh my gosh.

49:39 I have never met Anybody who has done that. It works. And horses are very intuitive. And this particular horse has called me out on my horse poop many a time. Okay. Uh like like literally, like she's gone and she's poop by the gate. And then I say something, and then she goes to the poop and she smells and she looks at me like say it again. I get called out by a horse. Okay. So I was grooming her because I was doing some leadership.

50:05 uh training with with the the coach. And as I'm grooming her, I was just saying, you know, one thing I really need to start owning. I say it In private, I say it To certain clients, I whisper it. I'm not just a vocal transformation coach, I am a vocal healer.

50:21 I heal. People's voices and I need to Own that's beautiful. I need to own that. What I do goes Beyond just making someone comfortable, а help people reclaim.

50:34 their voice and when a horse is like in alignment, yeah, they will yawn. Or start to chew. And she started to do that. And harmony. Do you agree? And harmony. Harmony agreed. So I am a vocal healer.

50:51 And the women That I work with. Something, someone situation along the line broke. Their voice.

51:00 They took it hostage and put it in a box and they think that the box is so high up on the shelf that they can't reach it. And when I help them build back their confidence, I'm not just giving them. You know, advice. I'm giving them the tools to get the wood, to get the hammer, to get the nails, to build a ladder to go and get that box. I love that. And climb back down and take back their voice. Claim it. Yeah, claim it.

51:26 That is beautiful. There's some women listening right now that they're like, uh, Jam, help me. Yes, that's what I want. Where do they find you? How do they learn more? Well, first I wanna end with one of my favorite slay the mic affirmations. Okay. And I need you to put your hand on your chest. Okay. Close your eyes. Repeat after me. I'm ready. Today, today, I'll say something. I'll say something that my future self that my future self will thank me for. Will thank me for. So what's something you can say today?

51:55 That a week from now, a month from now, a year from now, you're gonna go, I'm so Right. So to the women who are listening, I need you to ask yourself what is something you are ready to say. That you know a future self. Well thank you for.

52:08 If I didn't say in twenty sixteen to my husband over a morning cup of coffee, I think I could start something. I wouldn't be here sitting across from you. Yes. If I didn't see your threads post and say, Amy, when am I coming? Right. I wouldn't be sitting across from you. So what can you say today? Here I am. Okay, ladies, I want you to be so brave that when you see Jam and I on social, because we'll post the day this goes live. I want to see in the comments w what is it that you said? I'll share mine.

52:38 Jam, you're gonna share yours, deal. Yeah. And then we're gonna see if the women can flood it. That would be really cool to see. And they could find me on Instagram at IMJam Gamble and my website, imjamgamble.com. Perfect. Thank you, my friend. I'm so glad to find you have you in person on the show. I gotta talk to your husband about the steak. We will do that. Yeah. Mm. Wow, talk about a woman who really owns her voice. It was so cool to see Jam in person. I'm glad I'm doing these interviews in person now because she really walks the talk.

53:11 And she just embodies. Owning your voice, saying anything that you know is true, and just standing in confidence with that. And I think we all can learn from that. My biggest takeaway was remembering that we might have been told something as a child from a family member, a teacher, a mentor. It doesn't mean it was ever true, and it definitely doesn't need to be true today. So if you hear yourself with those limiting beliefs, ask yourself

53:37 Where did that even come from? And then ask yourself what else could be possible. All right, my friend. If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you subscribe. And if you're listening on your favorite podcast app, Spotify, Apple Podcast, make sure you follow so you don't miss an episode like this. I'll talk to you again soon.

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