Learn the One Filter That Exposes a Fake Friend Instantly

Transcript from https://podmenti.com/t/3c794bc2812aebc5

This is the admiring show.
Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Milette show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.
Now on with the show.
Welcome back to the show, everybody. I love our solo episodes because I have a chance every week to answer some of the questions you submit and hopefully help you on the show by creating content that solves those problems or gives you inspiration or
Maybe it's tactics and strategies that can improve or change your life. And so if you do have a question you want to answer on the show, go to my Instagram at EdMylette, E-D M Y L E T T.
Make sure you're following me and you can direct message a question and maybe it'll end up on the show.
This week's topic is really about reading people.
creating a little bit more happiness and bliss and productivity in your life.
by dealing better with human beings, whether that be in a relationship or in your business life.
And so I'm gonna give you some advice you probably never heard before.
But what I want you to do is I want you to begin to turn the volume down.
On the people in your life.
Actually what I want you is I want you to turn the sound off.
All together.
Almost like watching people in your life like they're a silent movie.
I just watched a movie recently and if you don't like violent stuff, don't watch this, but it's called Sisou.
And in this movie
It's basically an actor that you watch through the entire movie, the lead character of the movie doesn't speak.
He never enunciates a word in the entire movie, yet it's gripping and compelling.
because you actually learn to love this person and understand them by watching actually how they behave.
And what they do as opposed to what they say.
So you spend a couple hours watching this man go through terrible circumstances after a war.
But you end up rooting for him and loving him and understanding him very deeply and he never speaks a word.
See, in our lives right now, people really can manipulate you with language. And words are used to really manipulate.
And trick.
They're almost a mask.
And we begin to believe what people say. And this can be very serious. I've had some situations in close relationships recently in my life where somebody was telling me something over and over and over again, but all of the evidence to my eye said something else was going on.
But they were so persuasive with their words.
that I took my eye off what I was actually seeing them do.
And so especially in personal relationships
So often what people will tell us
we wanna believe and we wanna buy into and it's a diversion from actually what they do.
you would learn a lot about the people in your life.
Especially the people very close to you.
If you turned the sound off and just watch them.
I know this sounds sort of harsh, but I really don't listen to what people say to me very much anymore in my life.
I watch what they do.
What they do speak so loudly I can't hear a word they're saying.
Yet most people live differently.
They respond to the words and the things. I'm so excited. I'm so excited, there's someone in business. I'm so motivated. I'm so excited. Great.
Prove it.
And when I watch them, they don't act that way.
Or I love you so much I I'll do anything for you.
But they don't even clear up their dishes.
They don't even get home on time, whatever it might be in your relationship or in your business life.
And so if you begin to watch remember those old silent movies, the old black and white movies?
They do entire movies with no sound.
Because it's so interesting to watch a human being.
Words are misleading.
And so many of you in your life right now, you're in a relationship with somebody who's saying all the right things and you may even believe them right now.
And the truth is they don't behave in a way
That's reflective of those words.
And it won't be until years and years and years of that behavior catch up with them that you finally realize it.
But what if you just started to listen a little less and watch a little more?
Some of those behaviors can be really detrimental and harmful too.
And if you're not watching and you're always listening
you can become very, very confused.
The other thing is in business.
You know, people will say the right thing all the time.
But you gotta watch them.
What do they do? How do they show up? How do they work? How dedicated are they?
We've become a world really misled by language.
And it can be really painful, can't it?
when someone's words eventually you realize never match their actions. Or in business it can be catastrophic to make mistakes and
Watch people say all the right things.
But their conduct
Is not congruent with their words.
The other thing is in life is that I think the people that you want to be around the most
actually do act the way that they speak.
Those are the people that you can get closest to. Those are the people that you can trust. Too many of us rely on the spoken word and not enough on what we're seeing right in front of us.
And it's not until many years or long after you go it was right there. The writing was on the wall. I saw it.
Why didn't I act on it?
'Cause you were listening too much.
And so the best advice I can give you.
To live a happier and more blissful life. And it's a sad thing to say.
But the truth is is watch how they behave. Even as a parent with our children.
It's not what they say, it's what they do.
In every area of life, what someone does should be speaking the loudest, but it doesn't.
And then even on your own life.
What if you begin to really take a look at your own actions?
What you actually really do every day.
If you really love somebody.
Do you act like you love them? Do you treat them like you see love is a verb.
Not a noun.
It's a verb.
You have to act in certain way and behave in a certain way.
And if you're not doing that to somebody, you're not loving them like you should.
You say I'm dedicated, but you're not there very often.
Right? Or as a parent, I'll do anything for my children. You say all these things we're supposed to say, but do you?
You'll do anything?
Really do you?
in business, man, all the right things. I'm motivated. I'm pumped up. I'm learning. I'm growing.
Prove it.
Do it.
And so in our lives, eventually, by the way.
Eventually everybody is revealed by their deeds. Everybody is revealed by what they do.
Not what they say.
And you'd be a lot happier if you did it. The other side of that too
It's something that I really worry about is social media.
where we're watching people say all the right things. See the one thing on social media, especially this time of year, is everyone's out having a great time. Everybody's partying, everybody's celebrating.
Right. And a lot of times you're sitting there with your own problems, your own life right in front of you, what you've got to deal with, the actual things, the actual things you've got to do, and you're watching people show you.
All this very orchestrated
Um
very curated content and it seems like doesn't it seem like in life
Everybody's at a party, everybody's on a yacht, everybody's in Greece, everybody's laughing, everybody's got great friends.
Everybody's enjoying their life.
Everybody's got plenty of money to spend.
And then you're sitting there dealing with a problem, a frustration, an issue.
You're dealing with the things you do.
And it's one of the real detriments of social media.
I want you to remember this. None of that's real.
I'm with those people a lot of times when they're posting it.
And they're in an argument with their spouse before they take the beautiful picture.
Right. They're struggling to pay the bill at the bar that they're celebrating and
You know.
Toasting too.
And so it's not real. It's never in life, it's never as good as it seems. And the truth is, it's never as bad as it seems.
in our lives. But it's very easy to get very jaded in
frustrated and down over watching the words of people on social media or even the videos they post and little snips snippets of their lives.
And it makes us think our own lives aren't all that rewarding.
Want you to remember something that I've really found out as I've gotten older.
Everybody screwed up.
Everybody's got problems. Everybody's struggling. Just some people are better at masking it. Some people are better at covering it up.
The truth is is like once you know that and by the way, I'll g let you in on the inside, I have some of the most successful people in the world on my show.
I coach some of them.
I coached, I've been blessed to coach some of the top athletes in the world, some of the top business people.
CEOs, entertainers.
Yeah, politicians.
Even myself.
I have a laundry list of problems all the time.
I'm struggling most of the time.
And
I'm probably
guilty of it as well, posting highlight reels of my day in my life when the truth of the matter is I'm screwed up. I'm just trying to figure things out as well. I think one of the reasons my show works is I'm vulnerable and authentic about that.
that I'm working through many of these things. Success leaves clues. I'm fifty two years old. I've got a lot of solutions because you know why? I've had a lot of problems.
I have a lot of answers because I've had lots of questions in my life.
And so don't let other people fool you.
into you believing their life is perfect because you're watching them. If you begin to watch people with the sound off.
With the social media off.
You'd understand we're all human beings, we're all trying to get through this life and grow and improve and be happier and create memories and make a difference.
We all are.
What is it, different stages or different versions of it?
Sometimes people are further down the road of solving those problems, maybe like myself, but by no means did I not go down that road. By no means are there still not issues and problems and
Quite frankly, tragedies often.
in life that happen from time to time.
But we'd all be better suited if we were aware that that's the case. We'd all be better suited
in our relationships and in our business lives if we
Did the silent movie.
Turn the sound down. Turn the volume.
all the way down. How are you really treating me?
How do you really behave?
How loving are you really? How dedicated are you really? How committed are you really?
In our relationship.
At work.
How motivated and hardworking are you really? How much do you really care?
And we only know that by watching.
We've become a world conditioned.
To listen.
To listen to listen.
We've become a world condition to look at social media and really believe that's real life.
That's not real.
And in your real life, neither are the words people speak. I'm not saying that people don't have beautiful words and mean them.
What I'm saying is we're fooled by them often.
We're deceived by them often.
were manipulated by them often.
And it maybe we are because we want to believe it.
Maybe we are because we would just like to believe that that's the case. And you know what's really cool?
The great people in your life, the loving people in your life, when you turn the sound down on their life,
They're even better.
In fact, most of the great, loving, and amazing people in your life don't spend a lot of time with their words trying to convince you.
They just quietly go about their lives.
Showing you.
In your business life, it's not the person who stands up and speaks all the time.
It's the person who draws very little attention to themselves and just serves and makes the difference.
Think about that if you have a great mom like I do.
When's the last time your mom bragged about the things she did for you?
My mom has never once said, You know how many meals I cooked for you?
You how many times I wiped your nose or your butt or took care of you when you were sick?
Do you know how many times I picked you up from school when I was sick and didn't want to?
How many times I held you when you were crying or I drove you home from a
sporting event after you struck out three times.
How many times I've sp stayed up nights waiting for you to come home when you were in high school to make sure you were safe.
How much praying I've done for you.
and loving I do, how many minutes a day, even now that you're in your fifties, I think about you and worry about you.
Our moms never point those things out to us. They just quietly do them.
And probably neither do you.
With the people you really love in your life, you don't need to point it out.
You don't need to say it.
Because love is a verb.
Work is a verb.
Service is a verb.
Contribution is a verb.
And so start to turn the sound down.
Man, your life will get better. It's maybe the number one key I could give you.
To be able to make better decisions to assess people.
To judge properly.
to navigate your life to decide whether to stay in a relationship or a business, whether to hire somebody or not.
is to watch them with the sound off.
And then lastly
Watch yourself with the sound off.
When you turn all the noise down on you.
What are you doing every single day?
See when you drown out all the noise, all the social media, all the distraction, our life comes down
to a handful of moments every day of the decisions and choices we make.
And when we make the right decisions and take the right actions
The words will come.
The accolades will come. The rewards will come.
And eventually.
Everybody's revealed. If you're a person of faith at some point in your life when you
You get to heaven, you're gonna talk your way in there.
Right.
You know.
You're not going to talk your way in there.
It's the life you lived.
It's who you accepted and believed in when you were here.
That's what's gonna count.
It's not the words.
Words go away real quickly.
Actions live on forever.
Actions are like seeds that you're planting that reap a harvest. Actions vibrate
at certain frequencies and attract certain things in our life.
Words don't vibrate at very high frequencies. It's a very low frequency behavior. Actions and intentions vibrate at the highest possible frequency and they eventually draw into our lives.
basically a harvest of which we've planted with our actions.
And so I just want to encourage you to do that.
the people that I've admired the most in my life, and I'm a speaker, by the way, so I do a lot of words and I host a lot of podcasts and I do a lot of interviews and I coach a lot of people.
But in my life the people that I've listened to the closely speak very quietly.
Speak very little.
They're the ones that I
I lean in when they speak. Because they don't have a lot of time to speak because they're doing so much action taking.
So many deeds of service and love and hard work.
And contribution.
That the few times they do speak you really want to hear from them.
You all know this. You have that person in your life that when they speak, everybody listens because you respect them so highly. And the reason you respect them so highly is not the previous words they've spoken. It's the previous actions they've taken. And the actions they've taken consistently in their life over and over and over again.
that reveal who they really are.
Because long term in our lives, you show me your schedule, you show me your actions, you show me the behaviors of your life.
And I will eventually show you your life.
You show me your words and I have no idea what your life's going to look like.
So take it from a guy who's lived a little longer than many of you.
As I've gotten older and older I listen
A lot less, and I watch a lot more.
I listen a lot less to myself.
And I observe and watch myself a lot more.
And I certainly don't pay attention to what I see on social media because I know better.
I know we're all a little bit messed up and trying to get through this life.
And by the way.
When I say we're all a little bit messed up, I actually believe we're made perfect in God's image.
But that we were put here to grow and expand.
And that we're given these challenges and these problems in our life.
as ways in which to reveal solutions, as ways that our faith
in our lives is revealed. In my own life I have to tell you.
I've reached the conclusion many different times that I'm not capable on my own.
And that
I look higher.
I looked at Jesus in my life, and your life
Whatever God is for you, but I look there for my comfort, for my answers, for my solutions because
I'm not always capable.
I'm not always worthy.
I'm not always
Ready to meet the moment.
But he always is in my life.
And
It's not because of the words.
That he spoke it's because of
the deeds that he did.
Because of the way that he lived his life.
That I follow.
And because of the way he lived his life, those words have depth and meaning to me.
Because they're congruent with the actions that he took.
I hope this helped you today.
I know it's brief.
What's really, really important.
And I guarantee you there'll be a moment in the next few days where my words will be
a healthy reminder to you in some situation. This will not take long to make an impact on your life. It will not take long. It may not even take that many hours before a situation's gonna come up and you're gonna go, I remember what he said, I'm gonna watch this with the sound off here.
I'm gonna begin to watch it like a silent movie. Watch this person like a silent movie. Because once they behave in the way that
Is congruent.
Then their words really have impact and meaning.
It's like a validation on their behavior.
Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far.
Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.
Links are in the show notes.
Now on to our next guest.
Yeah.
All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. Today is all about friends.
We're gonna talk about how to be a better friend, why friendships matter so deeply.
And I have to tell you this woman's work is so fascinating to me because it's a little bit of a contrarian viewpoint, yet when you hear the things she talks about
I think they're gonna resonate with you right away.
That they're true.
And any of you that want to be a better friend, want more friends, want deeper friendships, just better relationships in general.
I have the woman here that's gonna help you with it. My guest today is Doctor Marissa Franco. She is currently a New York Times bestselling author of the new book called Platonic, How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends.
She's also got a PhD in counseling psychology. She's been an expert on, you know, different programs, including Good Morning America, and now on the Ed Mylette Show. So Doctor Franco.
Great to have you here. Welcome.
Thank you so much for having me. Happy to be here.
Well you should be. You just became a New York Times best selling author.
The rest the rest of your life when you walk in a room, it's no longer Doctor Marissa Franco, it's New York Times best selling author.
Doctor Marissa Franco.
someone listening to this, I go, You know, I've
I've had good friendships in my life, but like Ed said earlier, my my my best girlfriend just got she got married a couple years ago and
She's just spending more time. She's had, you know, and some of this is just natural things. She's had children now. Maybe I haven't. And so she's got more time there. And I'm finding myself
You know, on a Friday night wanting to go
enjoy the company of other people, but I'm struggling to find those people.
What would you say to somebody who's listening this goes I'd
I'd like to cultivate and find some more friendships. I know it's a broad question, but I'm sure in your case, because you're the best in the world this, you probably have a couple suggestions.
Thank you, Ed. I do. I do. Um the first is to join a community that's repeated over time.
So don't go to that networking event, go to that professional development group, right? Go to the book club, go to the hiking group, go to the running group, go to the improv club.
Because when you see people repeatedly, you capitalize on something called the near exposure effect.
Our unconscious tendency to like people when they are simply familiar to us.
You know, these researchers planted women into a psychology lecture.
And they found that
At the end of some semester, students in the lecture reported liking the woman who showed up to the most classes.
twenty percent more than the one who didn't show up to any.
Even though they didn't remember any of these women, right? And so when you join something repeated, that's something to keep in mind. First of all, your first meeting, it's probably gonna be awkward.
It's uncomfortable. Near exposure effect has not set in.
That's that's not a sign that you shouldn't be engaging anymore. Commit for two to three months once you find a club that you like.
before giving up on forming connections there.
That's it.
Flippin' suggestion.
It's also people that probably have a shared or common interest with you.
Right. Have a proper proclivity to think about you. What about that?
So I want to go somewhere kinda difficult.
Do you think
It's more difficult to build friendships with people.
Coot.
You just disagree with on certain things. I'm not talking about values.
I think you have to have shared values.
Right.
But I'm a liberal, you're a conservative.
Right. Um
Whatever, uh my viewpoint on religion. I'm a Christian, you're an agnostic or atheist or ju
See to me.
My dad was my best friend.
And he passed away a little while ago.
And we had share values.
Shared, obviously shared.
Experience.
But we disagreed.
On these things.
And it made it such a rich friendship.
In other words, it wasn't an echo chamber for me, like most of my other friends. We mainly hang around people who go, You're right, you're right, yeah, and we sort of
I want a few.
And my friends. I think it's one of the richest things in life, yet I think culturally right now
Are you red or blue?
Right. Are you and I think even the friendships we have
aren't as rich as they could be, it's not the full mosaic of life.
I want that person who challenges my thinking. That's just me personally, right?
Don't you feel like you oughta have at least a couple of friends in there where you're like, I love you, you crazy M F herb, you're out of your mind on Trump. You're out of your mind on Biden. Like whatever it is, wherever you stand, like
And I really think this is a this is a difficult place to go in friendships. But everybody evaluating this, does everyone just agree with you?
Wouldn't it be cool to have someone you love'em
They're not bad because they disagree with you.
These have a different perspective, but you share a value system. What do you think about that?
I think it really depends on the person.
Um
You know, I can just share an experience that I had, for example, that I talk about in the book that
Me and one of my friends were both black white biracial.
And I grew up in New York, so I had never experienced racism before, at least not blatantly. He grew up in Germany so he had, right? We got into our positions as professors.
We
Both start to experience.
pretty blatant racism. And
I it really affected me. It really, really impacted me. I was not used to this. I did not have any resilience to it.
It affected him a lot less.
And so he was sort of able to stay in his position and get to the top position. He's now a tenured professor there, right? Um, because that was something he could live in that difference, he could live in in that in those feelings of of disconnection with people based on race, right? But I couldn't. And that's because we have different histories and different capacities. And so Ed.
When you say it's really rich for me, right?
Your experience is great and your capacity is great. And I totally think we need people that are working across these differences and bridging these divides.
But for other people, their experience when they talk to someone who has different values in them.
Their body reacts very differently, right? They have very different reactions. And there's this book called What Happened to You that talks about the ability to regulate as a privilege. It's a sign that you've had healthy relationships in the past, rather than
you know, really traumatic relationships, or you've had the opportunity to really work through that trauma. And if these people that are constantly getting triggered by people's differences of opinions, I think if we encourage them to
Stay in those relationships. What we might find is they're gonna form really gross relationships where they don't actually feel close to people.
So I think it really depends on people's capacity and you discerning for yourself, like, is this a positive experience for me? Is this an enriching experience for me? Or is it just too much for me right now in this moment? And I'm gonna make a decision that kind of reflects where my own capacity is at. Yeah, where we agree is on the values part.
So that's why I phrase the question out of the way I did. That's why I asked it, because I don't think you should I don't think anybody should I don't I don't think there's probably any point in your life where surrounding yourself with people who have different value systems than you.

But for me, for somebody who sees God differently than me, right? But believes in God.
To me that's not a difference of value system, that's a difference of opinion.
And I think my life is enriched, but I don't think it has anything to do with my conditioning.
necessarily that I've had I've had negative and positive relationships in my life. I'm not suggesting that people should have people in their lives that don't share their values. In fact, I think life's too short to have people around you don't share your values. But I do want to have people around me that stretch me, that cause me to think, that cause me to grow, that cause me to change.
Um
my perspective on those things. And the the funny thing about
that relationship that I had with my dad.
Is
Post his passing.
I'm starting to agree with him more on things.
And so his lack of proximity to me.
has caused me to really reflect, and sometimes that's healthy too.
But when you do have somebody in your life and maybe there's a been a lack of proximity, our appreciation and affection for them.
Can grow.
In their absence.
And if you have somebody in your life that you loved
But you were very close to
And you miss'em.
Maybe today's show is a catalyst to get you to reach out to them and say, I miss you.
I love you.
Can we get together again? How are you?
I think you'd be shocked at how great they'd feel to hear from you.
And I only can tell you this because everybody listening, I wish I could do that with my dad.
I could wish I I wish I could call him and go, Give me that crazy stuff you told me about taxes again.
Give me that stuff again. I could I would love to hear that from my dad again. And I don't have the opportunity to. And so for those of you that are listening that have had some precious human being in your life,
It's maybe just become a little bit more distant from you. Use today's show as a real catalyst, an excuse.
If you need it.
to reach out to them. So I was just listening to the show on Friends and it made me think of you.
And reach out to them again.
I hope that'd be a beautiful experience for all of you. What is one thing, Dr. Franco
I could do or anybody could do to be a better friend.
I mean that's a pretty broad question, but what is something I could do that makes me a better friend?
Here is my tip.
Um
Assume people like you.
According to the research, when people are told to make this assumption
It makes them friendlier.
Warmer.
More open.
And it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
When we fear that others will reject us, we get closed up.
You get withdrawn.
We are engaged in our egocentric bias more, which is our tendency to think a lot more about how people impact us than how we impact them.
Right. And it's very hard to be a good friend when we constantly think people are rejecting us because we get into this.
Self protection mode.
That is antithetical to pro relationship mode. If I'm in self-protection mode.
I'm not
Initiating. I'm not vulnerable. I'm not expressing affection towards you. If I am in pro relationship mode.
I am vulnerable. I'm expressing affection. I am initiating with you.
But in order to be in this pro relationship mode, we need to feel safe enough, right? And part of the ways in which we feel safe, so we can facilitate.
all these positive behaviors that nurture friendship is we assume that people like us and receive us positively because then I'll reach out, then I'll express that affection, then I'll express that generosity towards you.
Yeah, this is interesting.
You're making me think.
A lot.
But a lot of things.
And that's why I do the show.
I want people to be thinking, I want them to be challenged. I want them to learn things and have insights and take tools away that they can use. One of the things I'm grateful for today is so many tools you've shared already.
But it makes me think about different aspects of my life.
And and in people's lives.
So how do you I don't know if you've ever been asked this before, and I've never asked anybody this before.
How do you
Nuance this
need, desire for these relationships.
With
Self reliance.
And
That nuance between
um giving my power to other people in terms of my own happiness. In other words
Do I not have to find ways to be happy within myself? You made a great point of assume people like me.
What about assume
I like me.
I love me.
And how important is that to not predicate my
self-worth on the affection of any other person, even though I understand the value of having these friendships. I imagine that's a
really interesting space to navigate, right? We want these friendships because
They enrich our lives and they cause us to be happier and live longer.
Yet at the same time
Am I not a more valuable friend if I love myself in the absence of that?
I think you know what I'm asking you.
I do, Ed, and I think
It's hard to separate these two things, right? Because the people that love themselves have been loved by other people and have internalized that. So it's become part of themselves. Um, there's a theory on on self-esteem called the sociometric theory of self-esteem, which is that
Our self-esteem is a gauge for how other people feel about us that we've internalized, even more so than it's a sense of I feel positively about me. And so there is this sort of
bi directional relationship. I assume people like me.
I like me. I continue to assume people like me. The problem that I think you're getting at, Ed, I wanted to address with research on something called self verification theory.
And that's this theory that finds that.
We look for people that confirm our sense of ourselves. So people with low self-esteem prefer to interact with people that see them negatively than someone that sees them positively.
Not because they don't want love, not because they don't want regard, but because when someone sees them positively,
don't believe it. They think it's manipulation because it doesn't match their felt sense of themselves with the person that sees them negatively, they could actually receive that. It makes them feel like their reality is coherent, right? This person that loves them, it's they're triggering this identity crisis. You perceive me so positively, I don't see myself in that.
It's like imposter syndrome that comes up all of this baggage, right? And so that is the issue, I think, even though other people loving us is how we come to love ourselves.
If we don't love ourselves and people love us, sometimes we just won't even notice.
Man, that's good.
You got me on that. I'm really thinking about that one. That's a that's a really

I asked some friends preparing the interview today.
I said, How do you think you get more friends?
And in the personal development space, the business space
I'm gonna tell you what the answer is.
And I don't agree with it.
Especially after reading some of your work. You're making me think.
But the answer is
Uh bring'em value.
Bring'em value. Law of reciprocity. Hey, I can do this for you.
Mm, you know, if I do this for you, you'll like me and then we'll become friends.
I feel like
That's totally different than being authentic and vulnerable, which is what you recommend in the book.
Yeah. I feel like the deeper friendships that I have in my life weren't predicated on my bringing value necessarily other than my love.
Other than my belief.
My value
You know.
I want everyone to hear this and I want you to answer'cause you're a lot better at it than me.
Especially when you become
A New York Times best selling author now, like you are.
Right. Or you have a couple bucks.
Or you're a person of influence, or you're well known, or you're just one of the more successful people in your church or your community.
I think f people start thinking they have to do things to become your friend.
And in my friendships.
I don't
I don't try to earn friends that way and nor do I want them to try to earn that with me. My value to is I love you.
My value to you is I believe in you.
My value to you is that hopefully I'm enjoyable company.
Maybe I'm a good
person you can bounce thoughts off of or advice or things like that, but it's not predicated.
And I think this is a false belief most people carry with them right now. Predicate on what I can do for you.
What could I do for you? People ask me, Ed, how can I become friends with you?
And I think they think, Well, I could do this for you. I watched a video on this on an influencer on social media today. The guy said, Don't ask me what you can do for me. Just do something for me and then you got a chance to be my friend. That's not a friendship.
That's that's bartering.
Right. That's bartering to some extent. So how does that work? I mean, I'm doing something because I love you and I believe you. To me, that's more valuable than I can connect you with someone or I know so and so.
But don't you think some people feel that way? Like I've gotta offer I've gotta offer you something.
So you're my friend.
It's kind of a
I don't know, a goofy, dangerous space maybe to get friends that way.
You know
I think
It can work.
But it's not authentic. Yes. And
Whatever we do that's inauthentic burns us out, right? Inauthenticity depletes our energy, like depletes our mental health, right?
So it's not really sustainable.
But what I suggest Ed and I think what I talk about in the book is that
When we're secure with ourselves, when we feel most safe.
We are naturally loving. Like it comes out naturally. Like we want to give to people, we want to be generous towards people. And so part of that unlocking authenticity, to me, I define authenticity.
as who you are when you feel safe.
Who you are when you're not.
Hijacked by defense mechanisms, then if you're able to get in touch with that, you're naturally going to display all of these behaviors that create connection.
Is that what you mean by offering generosity in the book, that part of it. Is that the definition of that to some extent?
Which part of it of the definition of the U. Well the part of
What I'm offering you is my natural love. It's not offering generosity like here's money or here's my relationship or here's the keys to my Ferrari or
Whatever it might be, right?
Yeah, because I think I think sometimes that can be misconstrued.
with people where they think, Yeah, I've got to offer somebody something in life. And uh the other thing too is relationships have dynamics. So if a relationship has started predicated on me doing things for you
That dynamic now exists until I stop doing things for you.
And when I stop doing things for you, how authentic to use your words is the relationship. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.
Links are in the show notes.
You'll never miss an episode that way.
All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So y'all wait for this once a month. I get to spend my podcast with my great friend and your mentor, Brendan Bruchard. He's back on the show today, guys. We have an unbelievable podcast ready for you. Brendan is
The top guy in the world that mentors all the other influencers in personal development and business entrepreneurship motivation inspiration. He's the guy that mentors the mentors. He just is. And he's one of my dearest and best friends. I wish you could be privy to the conversations we had just before we came online here today.
because they're some of the most enriching ones in my life. He just feeds my soul and my spirit and my mind, and that's gonna happen on today's show. So Brennan Brashard, welcome back, brother.
Thanks, brother. This is such an honor to be with you. And every time we do this, I get fired up. So let's hit it. What is something that you could do today?
Right now.
Keeping these promises you make to yourself to build the bridge. I really believe
Those of you that whatever your faith is, but the the Bible talks about the body being our temple.
But whatever you believe about your faith, just want to say one thing to you. I think more change starts with your body and your physicality than you might realize.
Mm-hmm.
And I don't care if you're ripped and fit right now, or maybe you put a couple pounds on, here's what I mean by that.
Fitness, nutrition, hydration. Let's take those three things.
Those are areas where you can keep promises to yourself.
And so that's why I started with this fast thing that I broke. Now I'm gonna get back on it again.
And by the way, it's okay if you fall down. You gotta get back up, acknowledge the mistake. I could have make a bunch of excuses to you about why and I worked out too hard yesterday, so I was starving and my body was craving protein. I ate a banana, I didn't get any protein, right? So there's no excuses.
But see the time that you get up.
in the morning.
The amount of working out you do, if you go in and do the reps or the time on the treadmill that you say you're going to do, you are starting to stack keeping the promises you make to yourself. If you're gonna drink a gallon of water every day and you drink it, you're sta So if some of you are familiar with my work at Brennan's work, you go already know that already. Are you doing it?
What's another promise you could keep to yourself? So for me, it's it's exactly that. I start to build this machine called me by keeping the physical promise I make to myself. One, because it changes your physiology, but two, it is an area you are in control of. You can't control how much money you're gonna make this month or how many clients you're going to get.
Or what third party outside of you people are going to do. So start with promises that are inside that you can keep. Okay The second area where I begin to keep promises to myself is in my faith walk.
In my internal life. So for example, I pray in the morning. You'd be surprised that there's a power to the prayer.
But there's a power to doing the prayer because I said I was going to do it.
There's a power to getting on my knees every night and praying. There's a power to when I walk out on Blessed, I live on the ocean, but when I was in my apartment, I had a little water fountain that cost me fifty bucks at a swap me, I like to meditate around water moving.
When I would do that, there was a power to empty my mind in meditating, or there's a power to be connecting with God in prayer. But the other power is I said I was going to do it and I did it. Let me tell you what that does. It tells you you're in charge.
You're in control.
You have some domain and influence over your life. Now, all of my faith be no God's in charge. You know what I mean when I say that. Don't get it twisted.
There's a yin and a yang, the parable of the sower in the Bible. You gotta plant seeds, he provides the harvest. Yes, the world will take some with the rain and the wind and the birds and all that, but you have to plant seeds in your life. And when you begin planting these seeds of the promises you keep to yourself, the harvest is more self confidence. The harvest is
A performance edge that other people don't get. Oh, she's got some swagger about her right now. She's got a different look in her eye. That eye of the tiger, that uh she's got a little smirk, like she almost knows something I don't know. You ever meet those people?
They seem to know something I don't know.
You know what they know? They can trust them and you don't.
And when they know they can trust them, they have a different energy about them. And by the way, you can't transfer to somebody that which you're not experiencing yourself. Why does that matter? If you don't trust you.
And believe in you.
Nobody else is going to.
Nobody else is going to because you can't give them that trust and belief in you that you don't possess. Too many people, Brendan, are waiting around for someone else to validate them.
Go, hey, you have my permission to succeed now. You matter. You're well so and so doesn't believe in me.
Is it that they don't believe in you or is that you don't believe in yourself to the extent yet, because you're not keeping these promises if we're being honest as friends, and because you don't have that, you're not transferring that belief to them where they can give it back to you.
Does that make sense?
That's so good.
Yeah, w when your spirit
Is
Really alive in you.
Because you're doing
Prayer.
you're having that moment of faith.
And when when that's there.
you do have a different level of confidence in life.
You you really do, because you can trust yourself and you can trust something beyond yourself. Now you got the double edged sword, right?
Trust in self?
I was congruent.
Trust and faith?
Something bigger's got me.
Now you have a two sided trust.
You're stronger and people feel that from you. They're like, oh.
He seems solid.
He seems solid.
And what I want people to have is that solidity in their weak.
Where there's a strength.
There's a centeredness, there's a groundedness.
Because performance edge, we always think it's like super high.
But it's not about this height.
It's more about being grounded, being strong.
And I also want to share for those who
Maybe you're listening to the podcast. I'd love for you to go
to YouTube and watch the riff Ed just did.
Because I'm gonna give you one more tip.
on this performance edge, getting it back.
People who are
able to maintain their drive.
Or a period of time.
They do what Ed just did.
It's called leadership communication.
They speak like лідерs.
They step in
And embody
A role model mindset. They were like, Oh, I'm aware people.
Have
Influence. I'm aware that I have the ability to influence energy. So Ed just took the whole thing and ramped it up.
Well, guess what? The rest of the day because he had leadership communication coming out of his mouth
He'll literally be
more expressive.
More driven.
More focused.
And I tell people all the time, I'm like, Hey, you know why you lost a drive? You're too quiet.
Mm-hmm.
You lost the drive to your two qu
Our expression.
Our voice
gives us superpower.
We're human beings with human stories. When we actually start sharing
And when we understand we can impact people, because who's the most driven people you ever met?
There
Always leaders.
Yes. They love the role of being a leader.
They love the role of having purposeful influence with other people.
And when you lead
You maintain a different kind of edge because
You don't play the victim card.
Yeah. You lead.
You have different kind of edge because you have responsibility that you took upon.
You're carrying the mantle that you chose to carry. You're carrying the torch that matters to you. And you realize that you can help other people, you can serve other people, you can enlist other people, enroll other people, build.
Other people.
As soon as there's other people in
In this mix now.
As you lead them as
Self expression.
comes back into your life like genuine self expression
For a cause for a mission.
I know when someone's lost.
Their edge.
They're less evangelical for whatever their cause is.
Yeah. I know evangelism means something specific, maybe in the Christian faith, but I'm using it as a sort of a non-denominational, if you will. It's like when you
Aren't passionately sharing.
Your cause, your mission, your dream.
Yeah. Like business owners all the time, I can tell when they lost their edge, they'll sit there at lunch the whole time. Yeah, I kinda do this.
And they're trying to be cool now.
They're trying to be
Like they're trying to be the the cool person, they're trying to be the subtle person.
And it's like no no no.
you lose the edge of your business if you don't talk about it, if you don't hype it.
If you aren't hyping your business, promoting your business, talking about with fire, no wonder you lost the fire.
You gotta be a fire breathing dragon once in a while about something important in your life.
If you want to be someone who has that drive and maintains it, expression is power.
And if you don't express
Then what happens is guess what?
You tone down.
As you tone down.
As you placate, as you go silent, your soul goes, I wasn't born to be a silent soul.
You are given voice, you are given expression.
An expression gives you the drive back.
Just like you saw if you those who watch it, Ed lip I mean, he almost jumped right out of that chair.
And when he lifts himself up like that.
I guarantee the rest of his day is more driven. It's why I tell people if you read the Bible, read it out loud in the morning. If you have a favorite verse, or you have a favorite poem, or you have a favorite
Quote from a book.
Verbalize.
Express stronger, express more powerful.
That's why when you see ever a great speaker come off stage, they're like glowing.
I mean they're like
They're driven.
Yeah, you're right. By the way, I got everybody, he's so right about this. I
There's this
They're cousins. This idea of selling yourself to dream
Can I just give you all to add to what Brennan was saying? Like, this is gonna be very simply put, but I say this to you if like
If you and I were riding in the car together right now, you listening to this or watching this on YouTube.
Can I just say this to you? This is gonna sound basic, but no one said this to you in a long time, and I believe this to be true.
You know you get your edge back.
You gotta want it.
Listen to me really close. The people that win, they want it more.
They want it more. They're hungrier. They're starving to make it done. And to Brendan's point, the longer you do something, you get a little bit fed.
Maybe you're not literally starving. When you started your business, you were literally starving. And that gave you an edge. And the more you get well fed and you got a steak once in a while and a nice bottle of wine.
It's just is like this slow asphyxiation to where you just don't want it like you once did. So if you want to get your edge back, you gotta sell yourself the dream. You gotta start keeping these dad gum promises, and you gotta want it again. You this next year, I promise you.
It's gonna come down to who wants it the most. And that may sound like rah-rah to you, and it is not.
I'm just telling you.
Hungry people, man.
And but you could be, and like I said earlier, maybe you're an entrepreneur listening to this, maybe you're stay at home mom, maybe you're retired, maybe you're 15.
Maybe you're a teacher.
Listen to me. How bad do you want it? And you got to get clear on what it is you want to want it bad enough. And this thing I said earlier about your body, don't discount this. Listen.
You make a statement when you walk in a room if you are physically fit that says this person should be listened to. This person is disciplined. And when you walk in a room and you're not, that also makes a statement. Now let me be very clear. Listen to me as a friend.
You don't have to be muscular or fit or jacked, okay? None of that.
I think it wouldn't hurt if you were, but it doesn't matter.
Here's what does matter the people see you're changing.
So if you are out of shape right now and over the next ninety days
You're just a little bit more fit. You're a little, you got a little more coloring in your skin. You're a little bit more energized. If people see you changing, making progress, that's infectious. That's magnetic.
It doesn't need to be
the final product of you look like a fitness model on a cover. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is you make a statement with your body. Wow, his body, since I've known Brendan, he's work he's lifting more weights, he's more fit. Right before we went on, we were talking about back exercises he does for his lower back, because my lower back's bothering me.
Progress is magnetic.
And so actually the fact that you're not in great shape right now could work to your advantage because every time somebody sees you these next 12 months, you're like, what are you doing? That's incredible. Look at the change you're making. And when you change your body.
And improve your body, it sends a statement to you that you can change anything.
That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milette show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.
Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest.
All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So as you know, every single month
We get to spend time with the great Brendan Bruchard.
And today is that day of the month for all of you, and it's one of the most downloaded episodes we do all year.
or the monthly episodes with this man. And this week, I'm so excited, by the way, he is the founder of the greatest personal development app of all time called Growth Day. If you go to growthday.com forward slash ed, you can get all the information you need to change your life right there and do it affordably.
And today you get to spend some time with both of us for free, which is awesome. And so today we're going to talk about, by the way, welcome to the show, first of all, my brother. It's great to have you back as you spend time with us here every month. I'm more and more grateful every time we do it.
It's an honor and and man this time of year to be together.
It's so inspiring it fires me up, so thank you.
You uh hit the word I was gonna cover, which is momentum. I think there's two types of people listening today. There's people that are really struggling with their self confidence. They're in a static position, meaning
They have consistently broken the promises they make to themselves, as you've described. Like self-confidence at its root, we've talked about this before.
is really just a habit of keeping the promises that you make to yourself.
And when you continually make the promises and keep the promises that you make with yourself, you end up building self
Uh integrity.
You begin to trust yourself. Self confidence is self trust. And so
You build this reputation with yourself where when I say I'm gonna do something, I do it.
And so that's what self-confidence is. So there's that group that's just they're really struggling with it. And I'm gonna give you some hacks in in a second that I've been doing. And then there's the other group, it's like, no, I'm a relatively self-confident person, but I want to take it exponentially higher. In your case,
These that are those of you that are in this space where you think you're relatively self-confident, you got to take some big ambitious goals, and you do need to be accountable to someone you admire and respect because you're about to go into the unknown. You're about to try to take your body fat from I'm in pretty good shape to you're going to 12% shredded, but you need to be accounting to somebody who you admire.
higher, right? Or your net worth's gonna go up. So i accountability
is correlated to confidence in the sense once you've got going outside accountability.
What I've done in my life, brother, is if I if self confidence really is the process of keeping promises you make to yourself.

Step one is you have to generate momentum, which is the word that Brendan just used. You have to generate, you've got to change the vibrational frequency. You've got to generate a little bit of momentum. And so believe it or not.
It's keeping small promises.
that matter initially. So I'm gonna give you all an example from my own life.
I'm not gonna get into the what the health issues I've had this year, but a lot of you know what they are. They've been significant and they've been both, you know.
It uh
you know, heart related and also back related. We'll just call those two of the five different things I've dealt with. And it has impacted my ability
to train.
to lift, to work out, and from someone who's lifted a lot of weights, I mean a very physical guy, to be reduced for a while to not being able to do that harmed my self-confidence. So it became the spiral for me.
Not only am I not doing what I'm used to doing, but now I don't look like I used to look and I don't feel like I used to feel. And so the competence.
The the lack of confidence and self-worth stuff starts going the other direction.
And so
When I restarted my journey to fitness again.
Let me tell you what the two big commitments I made every single day were initially that I had to keep. Everybody think, this is crazy, right? Mr. Max out.
And these are your two things.
Yeah, these are the two things because I could keep them.
And I could keep myself accountable for them and it generated mini momentum. I've set up two things I knew I would and could do. You're like that seems artificial. It wasn't. It gave me a momentum. So here's what the two of them are. Okay.
And I've been doing it now for a while.
And it now it's grown into much more than that.
The two things that I started out the year with is I am going to drink
A half a liter of water.
Before I get up out of my bed.
It sits right next to my bed.
It's in the bottle right next to me.
I drink it. I have not had my feet hit the ground. I've kept the first promise to myself. You're gonna think I'm crazy, everyone. Here's step two. I have to walk into the bathroom.
And weigh myself.
And I get on the scale, I weigh myself, and my scale has body fat and bone density and all this other stuff.
And I take my calibrations and I take them. I have now been awake for approximately a minute and a half, and I have kept two promises I've made to myself. And they're fitness related. And now I've got a little bit of juice and a little bit of metal. Then it added the third day because of the way I'm being not able to move right now. I'm like what I'm gonna do the third day.
I said, I'm going to add step three. I'm doing a plank.
For a minute.
I get right on the floor after I weigh myself and I do my Now I've kept three promises. Now here we are many weeks later. I am now
back doing things in the gym, testing my body, what I can and can't do. And the biggest thing that changed is I'm starting to feel kind of sexy and jacked again. So guess what? Now my nutrition's changing. I don't want to eat bad. I've got my protein drink and my greens and my water and my blah blah blah and my alkaline and stuff and and all of a sudden
I remember this guy.
I remember this guy. This dude's disciplined. This dude's a badass. This dude's strong. This dude keeps promises he makes to himself. And I'm gonna tell you everybody something, I'll turn it back over to Brendan. That
silliness of a guy who's lifted weights for 35 years, and by the way, I was probably one of the most fit people in the world at 30, 40, and 50 years old to go all the way back to drink your water, weigh yourself, and do a plank.
Right.
I went all the way back to that.
It's affected every area. My speaking on stage has been better. My podcasts have been better. My self confidence is better. My energy level is better. And now it's like I remember this frequency.
And so it it this stuff can transform everything. Now I'm saying it on the podcast. Why?
I'm gonna be accountable outside of me now to all of you that you can kind of go on this journey with me this year as you kind of watch show by show.
me kinda transform back into the person that I was before and I think a healthier, fitter version. Are there limitations, my back, my heart? Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't become the best version with what I've got right now. So I'm shifting now from internal accountability to external accountability. So that's I believe part of the process.
And for you, Brennan, what's it look like for you? Like
You're worth millions and millions of dollars.
You have the best growth app in the world. You're one of the highest paid speakers in the world. You're the influencer to all the influencers. You got a world class marriage.
Like
Are you still fighting for millimeters on your own confidence? And do you struggle with it like if you're trying something new or launching a new this or that?
Yeah, man.
I'm from Montana, as you know.
Yeah. I'm a really simple guy.
And I think you just gave people a huge unlock.
And it uh I'll I'll describe it in
A different way.
But I think you need two things.
basic things for some confidence. Like
Two basic things.
You need a plan.
And that's what you had. You you have a plan. I'm gonna get that water, I'm gonna get that weight, I'm gonna get that plank.
Okay, I got a plan.
And then
You need honesty.
Mm-hmm.
Because confidence is built.
А на часто.
Do I follow through on my plan? Like that's the stuff of integrity for following through on a plan, the stuff of self discipline that gives me confidence.
But
The guts to have honesty about it.
To be
To be honest, I said I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna follow through.
On that promise, as you said.
Mm-hmm.
And I just know I'm always gonna feel more confident if
I'm honest.
With who is showing up each day.
And I want it to be my best.
And I know I'm gonna be more confident if
I have some kind of a plan.
that I can follow, that I that I can do.
The the less, you know, structure that I have, the the more it's easy for my self doubt to come in.
Sometimes a lot of people to get more confidence and momentum, they really just need that plan. And it can be so simple, which is why I love your example.
Like just getting momentum.
I'll also say that you shared something that's really important.
about the concept of power
In life.
Mm-hmm.
Power
In terms like the second law.
Power means
Mass
Times velocity.
Mm.
Velocity is the key.
Like getting those quick wins in the morning.
Quick velocity.
Of momentum.
is so important.
So many people wait until it's, you know, two, three, four, five in the afternoon to do anything.
And I always teach our ultra group and our ultra members
I teach them this concept called done by one.
By one PM in the afternoon.
So by one PM your local time, you have done the major most important priorities of the day.
Right. You whatever if your job is to deliver a presentation
to to create something new to shoot your video
To have that sales meeting.
to whatever the most important activities of the day are that
Are control by you.
Mm-hmm.
Do them by one PM.
Just get'em out of the way in the morning.
That morning momentum.
will give you uncommon energy and confidence for the rest of the day.
For a lot of people, myself included.
Confidence.
Is a feeling throughout the day.
And if I can get that velocity in the morning of decision making, of follow through, of discipline, but most importantly, doing the things that matter most.
By one. Done by one.
Very good.
It doesn't mean I don't work the rest of the afternoon following up on stuff.
doing things, taking those meetings, those calls, doing the DMs. I still gotta do dumb paperwork and stuff, just like everybody else.
But the major needle moving activities of my day.
Are done by one.
And so
I feel great heading in the afternoon.
Yeah.
A lot of confidence.
is internally saying
Can I do the things that matter most in life?
Mm.
Can I do the things that matter most in life?
Mm.
A lot of people never done that, but as you've coached with people, you realize
Well, if they'll do what really matters.
They get confidence.
I know people who are very busy.
But they do
Dumb stuff.
And they never find happens because
They've never honestly
I know this might sound too
Productivity Brendan here, but
If
You never got good at prioritization.
You'll never feel full confidence.
Mm-hmm.
You know, are you right? Most people don't do needle moving things.
Because
Uh uh.
They're afraid of them. And I really believe early in the day you should do feared things first, not just first things first, because those are the things that probably move the needle. It's the call you don't want to make. It's the meeting you don't want to take. It's a thing you don't want to do. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show.
On Apple or Spotify.
We have all the links in our show notes.
You'll never miss an episode that way.
Now on with the show. So in life, just remember this, you're not gonna get your goals most of the time.
You're gonna get your standards.
long term we always get our standard. So what's your standard? The principle of the book's really simple.
If you lack self confidence, we've already covered this.
Here's why.
You have a terrible reputation with yourself.
You you've you have a reputation for something you don't keep the promises you make.
So if you want to become baseline functioning, great.
Keep the promises you make to yourself.
You want to become superhuman, though.
That's not the standard.
The standard is
I do what I say I'm gonna do and I do one more.
Mm that's a different standard. I'm gonna I'm gonna make ten contacts today for deals. No
I do that and one more.
I'm gonna do 10 reps on the bench. Nope, I do that and one more.
I'm gonna tell my daughter I love her today. Nope!
I'm gonna do that plus one more.
You start stacking up the one more's of your life, not only mathematically are you better, experience are you better.
but you shift your matrix, you shift your identity into believing you deserve to get stuff you didn't get get before or that other people get because you're doing stuff other people aren't willing to do.
So yeah, I kinda wanna jump in on on this because I
Mm.
Big believer in in kind of what you're talking about here,'cause
This is something for me over the last year or two, I've had a lot of changes where
I mean if you if I could go talk to myself a year ago
I
D I don't think I could ever believe that.
My current reality is my reality.
Um and so by doing that I've sort of unlocked
Like
what I know I can be, you know, for me now, setting monetary goals or financial goals or real estate goals aren't really that crazy because I've done way more than I ever thought I could in the last year.
So I see a lot of people struggling with this. Um, you know, a lot of my friends that are kind of still working their nine to five jobs.
And for me it's so obvious of like how they can
Achieve financial freedom.
It's so obvious how they could become a millionaire if they wanted to do that, if that's their goal. It's so obvious how they could quit their nine to five by starting a business, but they can't see that.
So when we talk about
kind of this uh this version of us that you know we have a repu a bad reputation with ourselves
It kinda sounds like when you're saying one more
Should we really be kind of setting like
Small goals for ourselves.
In hitting those and incrementally getting there versus kinda just pie in the sky.
Yes, you're brilliant. Yep, I talked about it in the book, and the power of one more.
Here's the thing.
I'm fifty one years old. I've been blessed and I'm worth a
Pretty good chunk of change.
I still set my clothes the night before for the next day.
Why do I do something like that?
I could have someone do it for me. I also have the time in the morning.
Because it's a commitment I can keep.
It seems super small. I make my bed every day.
I get up at the time of day I say I'm going to get up.
I drink a gallon of water a day. I'm holding it right here in my hand. Why? I can control how much water I put down my pie hole.
Right. I can't control whether you say yes to my deal. I can't control interest rates. I can't control the market.
So I wanna control the things that I can, and I start with very small manageable things, like when I'm gonna train, like when I'm gonna work out, like how many contacts I'm gonna make, like how many friends I'm gonna reach out to in a given day. People say, That's BS, really?
Well, I'm where I am and you're where you are and I want you where I am.
And I'm telling you exactly how I did it. I'm one of the very if I can just say
I'm one of the very rare people.
in entrepreneurship in real estate or personal development who's actually done it.
None of my stuff's theory. I don't make money selling you on how to do things I think might work.
I've made my money doing these things.
And so I know that that's what works. What do you work on with the top athletes or entertainers, Ed?
Or politicians when you work with them. Their self confidence, their habits. I have a whole chapter on how to actually build a habit.
How do you do that?
These are the things I work on with the top people. They're the things I worked on when I was the child of an alcoholic boy who had to go to school every day and figure out how not to run out of school. It's the same single things every single day. It's the small things. Once you build this reputation with yourself at the small things, you can then point your mind like a weapon at the big things.
and actually have belief you can do them because you have this reputation and pattern with yourself.
of doing the little things. Your mind, by the way, cannot distinguish between the big ones and the little ones.
It doesn't. It doesn't know the difference. Only you know the difference.
And so if you've got this pattern
It's a weapon when you point it at the big ones.
So would you say it's almost about setting
small commitments versus setting goals? Or do you think they kinda go hand in hand?
I write the goal chapter and the standards chapter together. Here's what has to happen. Your goals have to be in alignment with your standards.
And so
For example
It's not really a goal of mine to set out my clothes every day. It's a standard.
It's not a goal of mine to work out every single day. It's a standard. It's become who I am.
Okay.
And that's different.
A goal is something that's external to me, and I want you to have goals. I have a whole chapter on how to set up goals correctly.
But the truth is you're gonna get the standard.
The standard is
You know what? I train every day. The standard is I drink a gallon of water. The standard is
I live by a certain set of principles and values.
Those are my standards.
You're always gonna get those long term.
Always, always, always. And let me say one thing.
My dad's decision to get sober, this is not in the book, but I just want to give it to you guys on your show,'cause I've never I've said this only one other time.
I want everyone to hear me.
They go, Yeah, that's great for A Rod or
That's great for Michael Chandler. That's great for David and Rob, but like, uh look, man, I got a job. I'm trying to do my first deal.
And I don't have any confidence. I'm not even sure I know completely what I'm doing.
Right? So this doesn't apply to me.
Actually it does.
Let me tell you guys something.
The things you're most embarrassed by.
Most ashamed of.
That you think are the most insignificant things about you?
are actually the reason you're gonna change the world or change your world.
My dad's decision to get sober changed our entire family tree forever.
He tried I have a chapter called One More Try.
My dad tried to get sober about a hundred times.
He gave it one more try. And then when he got sober, I said, Dad, you gonna stay sober the rest of your life? He goes
I don't know.
But I know I'm gonna stay sober for one more day.
And when I thought about quitting many times I went, You know what, I'm just not gonna quit for one more day.
Stay with me on this.
Two weeks ago I wake up crying, which is not a manly thing to admit on the bigger pockets podcast, right?
And I woke up my wife, three fifteen, I said, Babe, wake up.
She says, What is wrong? I said, Hun ma honey
Someone helped my dad.
She said, What? I said.
I never thought about it. Someone helped my dad get sober.
She went, Oh my God. And I said, Isn't that amazing? This person doesn't even know it, but they change the world.
I reach millions of people.
In my dad's darkest moment in some coffee shop or place somewhere, they helped my father in the worst moment of his life. And I said, Babe.
Here's the nuts part of it.
You know what qualified them to help him?
They were all screwed up.
They were a drug addict and an alcoholic. The things they were most ashamed of, most embarrassed by the worst moments of their life were the very things that qualified that human being to help my father as a human being in the darkest moments of his life.
And it made me so emotional. There's someone running around this world if they're still alive.
That has changed my great great grandkids' lives and millions of people I reach every week.
Because they were a drug addict or an alcoholic, and they were all screwed up.
And so this very thing that you think disqualifies you.
You your experience, your little whatever that you're embarrassed by.
Із варин.
That qualifies you to do something great with your life.
Oh that's that's a
I mean it's amazing thought.
And it sort of also ties to
Not every reward we get in life is going to be financial. That's just another thing to think about. So that person that helped your father, odds are they didn't receive a whole bunch of money from that, but who knows what rewards they have coming in the next life and how impactful that was in
In other people's life. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far.
Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.
We have all the links in our show notes.
You'll never miss an episode that way.
Now on with the show. Hey, it's Ed Milette, and I wanted to take the time today to talk about one of the invisible traits that I see all super achievers have.
And so let me first start by saying I'm a big believer in planning and strategy. I think somebody with a great plan has a better chance of winning.
And somebody who doesn't have a game plan or a focus and
Who hasn't begin with the end in mind, you know, from think and grow rich. I believe in all of that.
Having said that, one of the invisible things that I see with the top athletes I coach, entertainers, hopefully myself.
Business people for sure.
Is this.
They have the ability to take immediate, massive action.
And the people that I see that are behind them hesitate. They flinch. They think they need to plan a little bit more, strategize a little bit more.
They procrastinate. They get around to doing something.
One of the muscles I built
Anybody on my team will tell you.
I'm like, Well, let's just do it now.
Let's do it right now.
There's a power to now.
And I think a lot of people don't understand the vibrational frequency of now.
Oftentimes a really great plan.
That's delayed in its execution.
That vibrates at a lower frequency than someone says, Let's do it right now. Let's attack it right now. Let's get after it right now.
So I want you to write this down this morning. The power of now, the power of taking immediate massive action.
Oftentimes
Timing matters in business. Rhythm matters in business. It's not always the perfect plan.
It's when.
And almost always now is better than later.
And it's a s it's a sign.
It's a trait.
That I see in mega achievers.
For example, if there's a phone call that you need to make, make it now. If there's a contact that needs to be done, make it now. If there's an email that needs to be written, do it now.
Don't delay, don't wait.
There's a moment of inspiration that happens too when an idea affects you.
and hit you to take action on it immediately. You ever have
Maybe a a thought of a speech or a text you want to write, or a business concept, or a way you'd phrase something differently or
Just an overall thing you should be doing hits you in a moment.
And then
You go, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna write this down.
And you write it down, the idea exactly as you felt it.
And then you revisit it.
You know, three days later, or two days later, or six hours later.
Doesn't it vibrate at a lower frequency? Isn't it less impactful even to you when you read it as opposed to when you had it in the moment?
There's something about the moment.
That vibrates at a high frequency, that is more powerful than later.
And oftentimes we wait and delay and write it down and it loses its power.
There was a power in the moment.
Remember when I met Wayne Dyer?
He told me Ed.
Do you ever wake up at two, three o'clock in the morning?
with a powerful idea, just something that hits you, like an inspiration.
And you know, we've all had that happen and I said, I do and he goes, What do you normally do? I said, Well, usually I go, I'm gonna try to remember and I'm going back to sleep. He goes, Don't do that.
That's the divine awakening you.
Write it down. Take action on it. I go, two three o'clock in the morning. He goes, Yes, I keep a notepad next to my bed.
And I write these ideas down immediately. And if I can take action on them, I'll do it at two, three o'clock in the morning.
If it's call so and so, text so and so, write this in goes, I'll get up and do it.
If it's a chapter in my book, I won't I will get up and write the chapter.
Because there's a power and a vibrational frequency in the moment.
That's not just true with content or writing or creating.
I've found it's true with almost everything in life.
One of my superpowers
I can candidly tell you
Is my ability to take immediate massive action when an idea hits me.
I don't wait for the perfect moment.
Usually the perfect moment is now.
The the right time to tell somebody that you love that you love them when you feel it is right now.
is right now.
The right time to make that contact right now.
the right time to fix that issue with your friend that you're going through right now where it just doesn't feel right or there's some strife.
Right now. The challenge with your spouse, walk in. Can we can we fix this right now, please?
Now I know there are some things that are better
In life.
Sitting for a while.
And diminishing, even if it's like a disagreement.
But those things are more rare than they are common. The vast majority of things
Are better when we take immediate
Massive action. So I want to challenge you today.
That call you need to make, make it now. That email you need to send, send it now. That chapter you need to write.
That copy, that funnel.
Do it.
Now you can always adjust and course correct it later and improve upon it.
But if you can get it done now.
You can come back later when you were gonna do it.
And tweak it a little bit.
With some perspective.
But there's nothing like the moment.
There's nothing like calling the shot.
In the moment.
And I have to tell you something.
This is a common trait.
Why?
Because these people have more confidence.
The reason you're delaying
Writing that email.
Doing the chapter, making the contact, fixing the problem.
Sending out the
The blog post.
Is your fray.
And you think if you wait longer you'll be less afraid. If you get a little bit more preparation, you'll be more ready.
The truth is that's almost never the case.
There are some situations where that's true.
But by and large, most of the time, people will tell me, Hey, you know, so and so call me so get'em on the phone right now.
Right. Get him on the phone right now. Let's do it right now. If
Just right now. This what I'm doing.
I needed to make some content.
For the week.
My team's like, Are you available at twelve thirty? But when I go, I'm available right now. And it was my team who said we gotta wait a half hour.
Well, I'm like, let's go, let's go, let's go. I love knocking things off the list because that creates momentum. Why? I have confidence.
And the more you do this, ironically, you will develop confidence in yourself.
To be able to attack things in the moment.
to I sometimes I say annihilate the problem, fix something in the moment.
What you think is you need more information.
Successful people are good planners.
But let me tell you what they have.
They have a lower threshold of what they think to know or how prepared they think they need to be.
In order to take action.
And people that
Don't win quite at a high level.
As high as they could.
have a higher threshold requirement in their mind, and it's a fallacy of how much preparation and what they need.
Now, by the way, you all watch my podcast.
I'm a freak about preparation for my podcast. I uh I prepare and I prepare and I prepare.
Having said that
At some point I gotta shoot the podcast.
At some point I gotta I'll give you an example. I was booking guests yesterday. I'm like You know what I should do?
I should contact Deion Sanders and see if he wants to be on the show.
You know what I should probably do? I should probably reach out to Roger Goodell from the NFL and see if he wants to be on the show.
And then I went well
What's gonna be different tomorrow?
Or in three hours.
How about I just do it right now?
And so I did. And not only did I do it in that moment
But now, once that's gone, I can do more things.
In this moment.
That I was gonna be waiting around to do the other thing. Does that make sense? So
This is an efficiency.
This is a rhythm.
What I've found is
Almost more than anything.
There's a rhythm to success.
There's a rhythm.
And when someone gets in that mode of
They've got momentum. They got their mojo going. You've all had it. There's a rhythm.
And a cadence.
That gets them going.
And if you wait and delay on things, it's impossible to get into that rhythm. But now, now, now, now, now, all of a sudden.
You're in that rhythm of success where you're in flow.
Because you're constantly moving.
It's almost like a river that should constantly be flowing and running.
Instead of stagnant water.
Stagnant water starts to get murky.
It starts to smell. It can actually form fungus and mold.
And a lot of people's lives in some strange way.
Are kinda like still water.
It's not healthy.
Gathers all this stuff.
But a stream that's running all the time is beautiful.
And that stream just by its pure force of running all the time in the now.
creates beautiful things around it.
And actually.
Opens up.
the flow of other things in their life because it's constantly flowing.
in the now.
There's a power to now. There's a power to this moment.
That once it's gone is gone for ever.
So what I'm saying to you today is take advantage of the present moment, not just being focused in the present.
But
It's one thing
I'm present with you. It's another thing to take an action in the moment.
The most powerful time to do almost anything in your life is
Right now.
So I want to challenge you to do that today.
It's a huge success principle.
of mega achievers and quite frankly, happy people as well.
Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify.
We have all the links in our show notes.
You'll never miss an episode that way.
Now on with the show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. So the topic of today's podcast we're gonna call
Flip the lens.
And
Yeah, I've been waiting a while to put this on the podcast because I've been writing about it. It'll be in my next book.
But now I feel like I'm able to articulate the concept. And so I wanted to put it out to all of you.
in an effort to maybe help you with your personal and your business relationships. I think it's sort of at least for me it's been groundbreaking.
understanding and work.
And so first let me tell you how I stumbled upon this level of understanding in this work, the concept first. I think it'll make sense for you.
And then we'll
break it out and sort of extrapolate it into our personal business relationship. So
Maybe about a year ago I was at my mom's house I was visiting.
And
Just for a quick second, I was gonna
make a Instagram post. So I went to take a selfie picture and I held the camera out.
And I went to take the picture, except when I held it up. I don't know if you had this happen.
The lens was the other lens. The lens had flipped.
And the picture wasn't facing me, it was my mom.
And I caught this glimpse just of my mom.
In the other end of my phone.
Just for a second.
Was expecting to see me, but I didn't. I saw her.
And
I saw my mom.
And it just struck me looking at my mom through this lens.
When I was expecting to see it through the lens that would see me.
I just had this flash.
Of seeing my mom.
Differently.
And ironically.
Sing my mom sni.
If that makes sense,'cause she was watching me take this picture.
And it flipped the lens. It switched the lens for me.
Instantly.
To where let me explain.
I saw my mom seeing me.
Not me seeing my mom.
In a in a minute I was just flooded with all these thoughts. What does my mom see of me?
Now obviously I'm her only son. She loves me. I'm not referring to those kind of things.
What's the lens through which my mom has experienced me?
And I thought
Does she s you know, obviously she sees me at holidays or
Whatever, you know, and and we talk on the phone.
But her lens of life looking at me, and it dawned on me in life.
We see every relationship we're in through our lens.
Through how we see them and how we see them seeing us.
I don't want to get too deep here, but that's completely different than
Sing them as they s
And I thought, what's my mom's experience with her only son? Does she get the time with him that she wants?
Is the depth of our conversations to the extent that she would like them to be?
Am I in a hurry too often when I see her?
Do I take it for granted too often?
And then that day as I was driving away, I started to picture all the relationships in my life that meant something to me.
through their lens of looking at me.
The last time my daughter saw me walk in a room, the last hundred times, how did I respond? What did she see? What was my mood? What were our interactions? What were the topics? How much was laughter? How much was intense.
How much we was just looking at our phones.
And I started to see my daughter and the lens through which she sees me.
Her conversations, her experiences. Does she see me stressed, worried? Does she worry about me?
What are her thoughts about me? Am I too brief? Do I stay on the pho long?
Am I helping her or do I listen to her like I need to?
And it flashed to several of my friends.
And a lot of those friendships I thought well then
They're just in maintenance mode. I see them and
When I see them, I see how much I love them and believe in them and think they're awesome and funny.
But when they look through their lens at me, do they see a man who loves them, who believes in them, who thinks they're funny, who listens deeply, who cares?
about them deeply.
Do they see that through their lens? It's a trip.
When you begin to
see other people in your life and just you consciously when you're with them or you think about them, switch that lens around.
And look through their eyes at you.
You'll learn a lot real quickly.
It's actually very humbling.
And it's interesting that you could go your entire life.
If you didn't hear this or think about it.
Only seeing life through the lens of your own eyes outward.
And never flipping it.
To their eyes outward.
And I just thought about so many different relationships in my life, so many of them that
I think are going very well, or I'm gonna get around to it, or I feel a sense of emotion with this person, or depth of friendship.
And then I flashed to one buddy of mine and
Like wow, the last three times he's replied to me, he called me, I replied with a text.
He hasn't even seen me in many months.
And when he does see me, what did he see in those conversations?
What did he hear about?
What did he feel?
What did he experience?
And you know, as I've said many times, you're always making people feel something.
So you should be intentional about what it is they're feeling.
But they're also seeing and hearing things all the time as well. It's a very interesting way that we go through this life, almost in this projection, almost in this dimension that we live inside.
ourselves and we see everything from our perspective.
But we almost never stop and see it from theirs. And this isn't the old adage of put yourself in their shoes.
No.
I'm saying put yourself in their lens.
What do they see, feel, hear, and experience from you?
It'll shock you.
How much you
overestimate some relationships.
The depth of them.
And
the extent to which they feel the things you assume they feel from you or about you. And then I switched it from that to my business relationships.
Some of the people I'm in business with.
That I have in maintenance mode. You know exactly what I mean.
But the last twenty times my assistant saw me walk into the office.
What did she see? Did I stop and talk? What was her lens? Did I
Ask about our children.
Was there a depth of exchange there? Was I in a hurry? Did she see me stressed? Did she see me worried?
Was I
caring and kind, or was I rude and flippant or short.
And then I thought, now take that last one and the one before that and the one before that. What about the last thirty?
What's the lens that she sees me through?
People that I'm in negotiations with now, I stop and think, what's their lens? What are they seeing? What are they feeling? What are they experiencing before this conversation and after?
And it's absolutely changed the way that I interact with people. It's made me
Connect more deeply.
It's made me
Care.
more deeply. It's made me more conscious and intentional about my interactions with people.
And can't fran frankly in many

Ashamed of how
maintenance mode so many relationships have been in.
How passive I've been, the lack of depth.
The surface level conversations.
How I'm brief with certain people, how certain people have seen me in stress the last four times they've seen me.
And
It changes you.
Deeply. It certainly has changed the way that I look at my relationship with my mom probably most.
You know, sh I'm her son, so she loves me, but
You know, do we have conversations as friends?
Do I know her as an individual outside the family or do I just know her as mom?
How would
Yeah, I I caught my mom saying to me the last three or four times we talked, Thank you for calling me.
And I thought my mom shouldn't have to thank me for calling her.
I didn't feel right about that.
And so this lens thing is fascinating. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milette show on Apple and Spotify. Lin's are in the show notes.
You'll never miss an episode that way.
Welcome back to Max Out, everybody.
I got him.
Right there.
That's Goggins, everyone.
Number one requested guest, you don't know this, for my show the last two years is you. Really? Yeah.
Yeah, really. Honored.
Honored. And I I gotta tell you.
The best by far off camera conversation I have ever had is what we've been having. I think you would agree it's been good for you too. It's been good for both of us. It's been real good. And uh hopefully that'll transition over to to the show itself. But this s this is a gentleman who completed Navy SEAL training, Army Ranger training, Air Force TAC P training, I believe he's the only person in history to do that. Yes, sir.
This is the guy did three hell weeks sixty plus ultra marathons.
Or I'll run with broken bones for thirty miles to get into one of the mega ultra marathons.
And a lot of people call him him the toughest man alive.
But I'm excited'cause I get to call on my friend now. I've enjoyed this conversation so much and I think you guys are gonna join the on camera one. So this is Goggins, everybody. Yeah, I appreciate you having me, man. Thank you. Thank you.
So
This whole thing that you did, you get out w we I can't cover the whole military thing'cause I want them to read the book, right?
But
Then you're like, hey, you really never done any of this before, but this is sort of the formula of what we're talking about. Then the then the military thing ends.
And then you're like, yeah, I'm gonna go like run uh I'm gonna do the bad water one thirty five. My cardio was twenty minutes every Sunday
On the elliptical trainer.
That was it.
So I'm looking at all these different races and one comes up number one, the hardest race in the world.
Bad water one thirty five.
Hundred and thirty five mile race through Death Valley.
I'm like, that sounds fucking nuts. But
I
But it didn't describe
Yeah, it was a like a couple day race.
I'm thinking
Okay, that has to be like a fucking seven day race.
Cause I don't know people who run like that.
So
I end up calling Chris Cossman up. Chris Cossman is the race director of Badwater.
And he lives out here in California.
He's like, Hey man, I'm like, Hey Chris, I call him up in the first conversation.
I actually have all the emails in my book from me him going back. He's he's a fucking stickler, man.
So I call him up and say, Hey man, I'm gonna do this race.
It's like have you ever run a hundred miles before?
I'm like no.
He goes, well, to get my race, you have to do a hundred mile race.
And you gotta do a hundred miles in twenty four hours or less.
There was only two more races I could do.
Before the deadline dropped.
And so I'm like
He goes, You live in San Diego, right? I'm like, Yeah.
This was Wednesday I call'em up on a Wednesday morning.
He goes, Well, there's a race on Saturday.
Mm-hmm.
And it it's a it's it's called a San Diego one day.
At um hospitality point in San Diego.
Where you run around a one mile
track for twenty four hours, see how many miles you can get.
So I'm like fucking man, this guy's trying to call me out.
I'm I'm gonna get this shit done. I'm a seal. I'm a badass. Been through Ranger School and shit. I got this.
Hardest thing I did my entire life, dude, was this one race.
So
I go
Harder than than getting through Hell yeah.
Wow. I was not prepared.
Okay.
At all.
So I go
I sign up for the race, I show up, I'm this big bodybuilder looking guy.
Shirt off!
Black hat on.
You know, and I'm
I said out.
So every mile I'm gonna see this blue launch air.
I had rich crackers and Mildplex.
That was my fucking nutrition, man. No water, no nothing. No water. No.
Come on. I fucking you know cause I never drink water on runs and shit. I fucking didn't know about all this shit.
So I go out there and I'm running, I get through 50 miles, I'm gonna cut to the chase, cause I detail it really well in the book.
Um
I get going.
I sit down at mile seventy.
Mm.
And buddy.
I hadn't sat down yet.
I sit down and everything falls the fuck apart.
Literally man, I'm like
peeing blood down my leg.
I have some crap coming out of me.
And I got thirty fucking miles to go.
And I'm in the worst shape of my entire life.
Mm.
And so I won't get too deep into it, man, but I end up
going back through my cookie jar and
I talk about you know my m my m my cookie jar is basically something I invented about
We forget how badass we are when we're suffering.
Mm,'cause our mind just stays right there in suffering. The cookie jar is a reminder.
You know how your mom used to have the cookie jar and you w you know you don't know what kind of cookie you're gonna get.
But it may be uh oatmeal raise, it may be a cho chocolate chip meat,'cause you know, she's dump some in that motherfucker, you grab one and go.
So my cookie jars, the things I accomplished, failed at, didn't fail at, just just kept on grinding through.
So I take this one second, I calm down, so I realized, okay, man.
I gotta be able to just stand up first and all dizzy and light handed and I go through this process.
And I said, I might quit, but not yet.
I go, this is the worst shame of life. So I said I might quit.
Because when you're not gonna quit something, you got thirty miles to go, your mind's spazzing.
Like I'm fucked up. Like I like 30 miles, a long way to go. Just fresh.
I've already gone seventy, I'm in worse shape in my life.
I'm like okay, so uh
I'm giving my mind some space.
'Cause if you don't give it space, it's just gonna freak out. So I'm saying, you know what, I'm gonna quit, but let me just sit here for a second and
drink some water now now I'm drinking water
I I have my crew going over to get some fucking, you know, nutrition, some some food for me, I'm getting better.
So now I stand up.
Like, wow, maybe to stand up now.
'Cause I wasn't able to, I was all lightheaded.
Yeah we're going on this track
And I get to mile eighty one, and I wasn't gonna make the time'cause I was moving slow. You're behind time. Way behind.
Okay.
And this is the this is the craziest thing in the world.
And I fucking shit you not.
I'm in the worst shape my entire life.
Ever. I've never even been close to this. Again.
Never.
Mat eighty one.
I'm not gonna make the time.
As slow as I was moving.
And
When your body and mind
Connect.
I think this is the only time I've ever done this.
You become a
Cyborg.
Mm.
I end up running
Twenty miles.
At about a ten, fifteen mile.
Mm.
and get done with that race. I did 101 miles in 19 hours and six minutes.
And to this day.
And I don't d and I don't detail it well with you, but in the book I do.
I learned
More
From that night hours and six minutes.
Didn't I did in all three Hill Weeks?
Ranger school and this is months.
Ranger school is sixty something days.
Hell week and and and all the buds is six months. I was in I was in buzz for like
Eighteen months.
You know, I went to Delta Force Election twice.
You know, pull up records. I learned more in that one race that I wasn't prepared for, that nineteen hours brought me from
Utter misery, happiness
Failure, success, depression.
I went through every fucking emotion in the world in 19 hours.
You should hear how the how how the race ended.
Mm.
Then I really took a shit on myself. Like I got in that blue chair when the race ended.
And I literally
It just was
over. I was in the worst shape of my life. I got in the tub.
And they put the shower or she put the shower on me. The shower has hit me as I'm laying in the tub in the feel position.
And what came out of me looked like dirt.
As I'm peeing, I'm it's not it's not even blood, this is this is dark brown.
Dirk.
And I'm sitting there and my she calls my mom
Mm.
And my mom has a doctor friend over her house.
And this guy's one of the best doctors in the country.
And he's like, um you need to give him to the doctor.
No.
So we're about to tell you
He's gonna fuck you up.
So I'm sitting there and I think I'm
I think I'm gonna die.
And
Worst tape my life.
And I'm in this tub and I'm Jack Hammering and this and I had this hot water hitting me.
And I'm literally in the worst pain.
My my shins, my feet, I'm broken.
Yeah, I'm just sitting, I'm cramping up.
And she said we gotta give it to the doctor.
You know, your mom's worry I'm worried about like the the I we've
Never see this for my life.
And I go
I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah.
I wanna sit here and enjoy this pain.
And
And
I and I know
the listeners hearing this are gonna say, Man, you're a fucking nut.
No, I'm not.
Will I
got a chance to experience
And that
Nineteen hours and six minutes of my life.
was something I didn't want any
Pain killers. I I
This was proof positive.
What I was feeling
It's what I just did.
I
I did something.
Without training, without coaching, without a cheering staff, without
Any knowledge.
I took a raw
human being with no training whatsoever
Put him out in a condition
And just through this alone.
Got through it.
And I sat there and I was like
This is it was the best feeling
I
Ever had it will ever have
In my entire
I was in the worst pain in my life and it was the best feeling.
I ever had in my life. Not because of the pain I was in.
By the pain was confirmation.
Of my
God.
Did I just do that?
Wow.
And I had completed hell weeks a-
But that right there was like
Don't take this from me, man.
And
And it was confirmation, proof positive.
That
This young kid that came from shit that wasn't shit that lied and cheated for
I was now
The truth.
Yeah.
I was now the truth.
I was a navy still.
I went to army ranger school as
Owner Man.
I went through all this shit. I I was
Truth.
I became truth.
There was no more lie.
And what's funny about all that.
is the people in my life who were in my life when I was bad.
And I call it bad one, bad.
Mm.
I had a fucked up way to go, man.
They wanna
They're still out there and the fuck I'm saying, I I need to drop names on them.
They wanna take me back there.
They're mad that I'm here. Yes.
They wanna still make me out to be
What I was.
They don't like the fact that they're still where the fuck they're at. That's right.
They hate that.
Mm.
So on this journey in life, there's a lot of people who are fucked up right now.
On the journey always be that motherfucker in the sewer you came from.
That's grabbing at your fucking ankle as you're leaving that sewer.
I just wanna drag you right the fuck back down because you
Figure it out.
Yeah.
They're not willing to figure it out. There's not much to figure out.
Only thing to figure out
Is this.
And everybody has a different equation.
Mm.
My equation is different than yours.
My equation was very different than most people's.
And
It's not about being sadistic. It was just about that that right there
was kinda like
The moment of my life
Where I realized
I don't like to say that I've arrived.
Because you never wanna have that I've a ride mentality'cause you stop.
But that was the moment that I realized that I was